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Friday, 24 May 2019

REFLECTIONS



The Wednesday Muse #9


This week Toni has set a theme of Anniversary.

Thank you.

I have chosen a piece I wrote shortly after my wife died. 
It is not a poem as such but a piece of lyrical prose which captures the emotions I was experiencing at the time.
 Each year I read it on 26 April, the day she passed, six years ago. 
I found writing and reading it helped me enormously to express my emotions, until I finally adjusted to the new situation and I am happy again.

I would like to share this with you.



REFLECTIONS



He glances back at me, wistful and forlorn. 
 He looks again intently from within a sombre and totally unfamiliar perspective; 
a place where he does not want to be, a place where his preferred emotions of joy and happiness now cannot live.  


These more welcome feelings are eclipsed in total by dark lingering shadows of despair, longing and sorrow, emanating and surfacing endlessly from his broken heart and orchestrated so cruelly by his tortured mind.

His face I know so well, yet somehow he is a stranger to me;
 for his expression now contradicts all known recognition. 
Our eyes meet once more and as they do so I see only a look of utter sadness and sorrow, written and etched deeply and emphatically upon his troubled face, as if his very being is transfixed upon the object of his grief.

I sympathise and as I do so I realise his feelings are true and real for I know a mirror can never lie and that man’s grief is just a reflection of my own – feelings of deep loss, feelings of hopelessness and feelings of utter despair which threaten to haunt me for ever and tear the very heart from me and never leave me alone.

I look again and this time I notice a tear glisten in his eye, in sympathy with my own – a tear of love and longing for someone who is now absent from his life, yet remains the summit and focal point of his existence.  As I look again I see him pondering deep thoughts through his grief. 


Powerful and searching questions race across his wounded mind, as he contemplates the gravity, the magnitude and the implications of her absence and the shallow life he now has to live alone, as though part of him has been  ripped away, caused by her premature and cruel passing and stolen from him by the jaws of death.

His sad eyes look at me once more in earnest and plead for his lost identity, for that too died with her and now cannot be repaired.  
His soul searches his darkened world for an unbroken but lost personality; a former self he knew long ago – a man he liked and with whom he was fully at peace, for he knows only then might he find an inner man strong enough to carry him through his sorrow.

Yet somewhere, dredged from deep within his heart, hope slowly promises a rescue mission for his troubled soul – a rescue from all those uncomfortable and sombre emotions, weighing so heavily upon his fragility. 


His tear begins to fade for he knows a time will come when he and the lady of his life will be reunited. This time they will endure together in unimaginable eternal bliss, not for a mere 40 years of shared existence, here in this limited dimension.   

He holds on tightly to his lifeline of new-found embryonic hope which speaks and convinces that his former happiness is not lost for an eternity – just frozen for a while in time.  He realises a new dawn will arise, this time filled with light, joy, laughter and colour, and he himself at his appointed hour will pass through the gate of time and space to meet an angelic figure who will appear to him and greet him and welcome him into eternity with a smile so radiant his heart will burst with happiness. 


She will be young again and perfect in every way - no longer defiled by that vile and evil disease emanating straight from the pit of hell. 
Nothing and no-one will ever hurt her again and her laughter and joy will sing across the universe to the sound of running water, welling from the spring of life, as she once more places into the palm of his hand the keys to her heart, this time for ever.



copyright:  Eddie Bluelights September 2013
with modifications 24 May 2019


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9 comments:

  1. Still poignant even after 6 years. I'm so happy to see you at peace and enjoying life, holding on to that hope of seeing Maria in heaven again some day. ♥

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  2. I love how this shows how no matter what despair of loss we face, there is hope on the horizon. This is lovely Eddie. I am glad you have found some happiness along the way. One cannot live their life completely in despair, and none of our loved ones would ever wish that for us. You have a big heart, and it always shows in your poetry and prose Eddie.

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    1. Thank you, Carrie, you are a very kind lady . . :)

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  3. It captures the loss and grief vividly. I made a sign just the other day that does the same. It can hardly compare to losing your life mate, but I lost one of my little dogs last week and the sign says it all-- "Tears Are Words The Heart Cannot Say"

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    1. I love your little rhyme, Kathy, so sorry to hear you lost your little dog. It does compare because you loved your dog and it had a precious soul.
      Thank you for your kind comment and great to see you here, Kathy. . . :)

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  4. Hi Eddie - so poignant ... but so true - your love is all ... and your grandkids will appreciate this wonderful reflective post - it stirs the heart. Kathy's little sign does say it all ... and we all have these moments of sadness ... which must be so much more difficult after the loss of a loved one. We know we or they will go ... yet grief holds us for a while ... but hope opens the door as the future moves us forward ... and your little ones will delight your heart ... thank you for showing us this - all the very best - Hilary

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  5. Thank you, I have just been searching this type of information about this topic and yours is the greatest I have discovered till now.

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