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Wednesday, 27 March 2019

LOST IN TIME



The Wednesday Muse #1


Thank you Toni for the first assignment for your midweek muse.

For my record I am outlining below your introduction, explaining the Japanese five line format, known as gogyoshi.

To give you a little background, my name is Toni Spencer and I specialize in Japan and Japanese prompts. But not always. Today I am going to introduce you to an easy peasy form known as the gogyoshi. The poem consists of exactly five lines. No syllable counting, no content requirements , No rhythm or rhyme requirements. Just...five lines. Isn't that easy?

The Japanese are into the seasons, change, and something called mono no aware (mo•no ah•wah•ray.  It means, sadness or wistfulness at the passing of things. If you want to use this or the spring as a theme for your poem, please do.


Subsequently learned that lines sould be brief 

Ok, here we go:
slap my wrists if I get it wrong please.

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LOST IN TIME



Eternity marches ever forward, suspended on a single thread of time and space ~ it's beam of light cannot look back, and cannot be reversed.

It abducts all that is dear to us, all our treasured moments and youth and mirth ~ now all lost and gone for ever in the twinkling of a weeping eye.

These remain just pleasant memories to us, yet all remain intact and singing still with joyful hearts, imprisoned within our souls, yet lost on a light beam, long gone.

To relive them is forbidden and beyond our reach by the ever cruel forward arrow of time, closing it's door firmly and deaf to our persistent pleas and knocking.


Yet in our dreams we long to recapture our prime, our youth and all those loved ones, absent from our dimension, except within our hearts.


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Eddie Bluelights
27 March 2019


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Linking with The Sunday Muse

and






27 comments:

  1. The last "line" in this was beautiful. Technically it is five lines although they are v ery long lines and creep over into the nexr creating two lines. Still you are on the right path. I should have gone into more detail about the brevity of Japanese lines, I am sorry. But tstill in each couplet there is an Ezra Pound-ish ring to them. The last two lines are themselves, a separate and lovely, wistful poem. Thank you Eddie for participating. One of the basis for this prompt was to get us in the habit of editing ourselves, to paring down our words. Yet I would not edit out a single couplet.

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    1. Thanks, Toni. I take all you say on board.

      The typing is large though and my keyboard has a severe dose of verbal diarrohea . . . lol
      I see from reading some of the others that they have used short lines so I must get into the habit of using fewer words . . . Thanks:)

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    2. Lol. Japanese poetry is spare. Not very much description, close editing. One thing to keep in mind is how the Japanese look at art. We westerners tend to look at a painting from left to right, just as we read. The Japanese look at a painting from right to left, just as they read. It changes the focal point , the emphasis. For example The Great Wave off Kanagawa. We westerners look at the picture and see as first point of emphasis. The Japanese look at the picture ad the first point of emphasis are the small fishing boats. They have single words that when translated, are multiple words. For example, miss me. It means, rain that drips from leaves. They use 5 words where we westerners use 20. I probably should have started with a brief tutorial on Japanese culture , writing. My bad.

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    3. As first point of emphasis the wave.

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    4. My wretched spell check changed kisame to miss me.

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    5. lol . . . spellcheck has almost got my face slapped a few times . . . :)
      Thank you, Toni, for taking the time to explain this fascinating stuff . . :)

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    6. Spell check has gotten my face bitten off!

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  2. this is a wonderful way to begin to understand the form Eddie - and if I may add to the pool of knowledge, because I love gogyoshi or also known as Gogyohka (trademarked by someone else):

    Five rules of Gogyohka by Enta Kusakabe (1983).

    Gogyohka is a new form of short poem that is based on the ancient Japanese Tanka and Kodai kayo.
    Gogyohka has five lines,but exceptionally may have four or six.
    Each line of Gogyohka consists of one phrase with a line-break after each phrase or breath.
    Gogyohka has no restraint on numbers of words or syllables.
    The theme of Gogyohka is unrestricted.

    - so in essence, each line stands complete in its thought but each collective sentence forms the 5 sentence poem -

    so it would be like taking each of your sentences/thoughts, and compressing them to tease out the simplified essences and then combining them to form the whole picture -

    but as Toni said, for a first attempt and with a small lapse in additional knowledge, this is still a great attempt and you should be excited and happy -
    it's a strong poem as it is, so I wouldn't be too upset by not quite getting it quite spot on :)

    for more info. you can check out this link

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gogyōka

    and for a more detailed explanation of gogyoshi -

    https://gogyoshiartproject.wordpress.com/2013/11/27/what-is-a-gogyoshi/

    hope this helps clarify a bit and you've enjoyed your time playing with the form and just writing/creating, because ultimately, that's what really counts :)

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    1. Thank you so much, Pat.
      You and Toni have given me a lot of your time and patience which I appreciate.
      I might have another go a little later. . . . :)

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    2. well it's fun to discover and share and learn new things, and ultimately, the end goal is to have some fun and pleasure in the moment --- so that's what counts ... and Toni is the one with the stacks and reams of info about all the Japanese forms etc. so I'm sure it will be interesting to see where she leads us on the Wednesday muse etc. :)

      hope you have a wonderful day Eddie :)

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    3. Yes, she will lead us to pastures New. Have a good weekend too. 🙂

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  3. Love the message in this Eddie. I too am new to Japanese form. We will all learn together. I am excited to have Toni here at the Muse! We will be expanding our horizons! 😎

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    1. Thanks, Carrie . . . such a good idea to get to grips with other formats . . . very interesting . . . as you say, expanding our horizons . . :)

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  4. Hi Eddie - well Toni has opened the door for you ... interesting to read about Gogyoshi. But more importantly ... I loved your poem - it was poetic and so you ... a very English way of describing 'lost in time' ... congratulations - cheers Hilary

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    1. Thanks, Hilary. And very kind of you. My poem does not quite fit into the Japanese 'g' format, so it will remain as an English effort for now. Might have another go l little later. I appreciate your visits . . :) Cheers, Eddie

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  5. You'be expressed so well what many of us feel. I wish I could sit down with my mom and dad to discuss things I now understand. I'd love to hear their voices, feel their touch. Nice work!

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    1. Thanks, Suzie. I truly believe we shall meet our dearest Mum and Dad and this time for ever when the door of time opens up for us in a new and fantastic dimension. Then just think what poems we could write. :)

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    1. Ah . . . it's Viki . . . thanks and I love your's too . . :)

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  7. Eddie, the last line is glorious. It fills my heart with joy (and with the urge to go back to be, to see what I can dream).

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    1. Thank you Magaly, yes it is good to find hope. We shall find our lost memories one day I am certain, plus all our lost loved ones and we shall never lose them again. :)

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  8. Very nice. You're just showing off that writing talent! :) This prompt seemed difficult but you pulled it off beautifully!

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    1. Thanks, Betsy. Had to scratch my head a bit on this one. Lovely to see you. x

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  9. Thank you so much for re-linking Eddie! Hopefully next week I will have the linky in order. Have a great weekend.

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    1. That's ok Carrie, just wanted to see if it helped and to meet Misky . .
      Hope you bring Mr Linky to heel soon . . :)

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  10. This is actually very informative article - not like most of what I see online. Thanks for the free share and looking forward reading your updates! simply wow!

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