The Sunday Roast

The Fragrant Scent of a Woman: Who IS Fragrant Liar?

This week's interview is with Kimber, blogger of Fragrant Liar,
Home of the Reluctant Midlifer.

Her catchy tagline is "A grin cheese on wry with a side of ROFLMAO" which she translates to “toasted, tasteless, and dry, but if you roll on the floor laughing, it will all go down a lot smoother.” It's all clear now, isn't it?


And here is her little graphic, familiar to many

Thank you for the interview, Kimber.


A very warm welcome to you and your followers.

Here are the standard questions. Why do you blog?

I have this unquenchable need to entertain myself and feel smart, to massage and manipulate ideas into words, and throw the concoction onto a page. That need has been with me since I first learned to spin a story, undoubtedly when Mom asked who scratched the name Kimmie into my headboard with a bobby pin, and I blamed it on the cat—whose name was Herman. Dead giveaway, right? I mean, obviously, Herman wouldn't scratch my name now, would she? Fortunately, blogging combines my desire to write and be read, not necessarily to take responsibility for it. Mostly I entertain myself, but sometimes somebody gets a chuckle, and I know I’ve done my job.

When I was thinking about becoming a blogger, I knew I needed a unique platform. Fortunately, we're each unique, so problem solved! I could just be me! But I didn't want to bore anybody, so I decided my focus would be busting the stereotypes around what it means to be me, a, um, uh, midlifer. There, I said it. But wait! Don't judge me for my mileage! I've still got the same chassis I've always had, even though the paint job has lost some luster. See, I'm not your traditional older woman. I am in fact an older woman/mom/nana, but I'm also so much more. Times have changed since the days of our grandmas. Older women are more vibrant, vivacious, and savvy than ever before. I refuse to be marginalized because I am no longer the target market for Tampax. I want my blog to reflect that.

(Looks as though you are still the lassie with the classy chasis, Kimber, LOL)

What's the story behind your blog name?

"Fragrant lie" was a slip of the tongue I made while attempting to call someone out for lying. My first husband, as I recall—or maybe my second. Those days are all a blur. The bungling made me laugh, though, and whenever I heard the expression “flagrant lie” I was reminded of my gaffe. Twenty-five years later, I sat with my hands poised over the keyboard anticipating that some fabulous blog name would hit my frontal lobe and pour out my fingers. I knew I wanted something unique to me, that captured my personality, that allowed me the freedom to write with my authentic voice—irreverent and uncensored—to the degree that I wouldn't need a content warning (sometimes a point of debate). The first thing that popped into my head was Fragrant Liar, and I said, "Oh hell yeah. That's it." Who knew that a goofy gaffe from decades past would come back to immortalize me, eh? Heh. I don't think much happens by accident, so I typed it in and made my first post, and the rest is another chapter in my history.

(Interesting history, Kimber, and the blog name works very well)

What is the best thing about being a blogger?

There's not just one best thing, but many:

1) Being my own boss. I'm my own creative director, writer, and publisher with full editorial control. I choose what I say, how I say it, and when I want to say it. Heh, I always wanted to be a loose cannon . . .
2) Relationships. Do you know how many cool people I've met over the last 16 months? I don't either, but it's a lot. The people I visit and who visit me have become my ‘hood. We could totally share sugar and eggs.
3) Comments. I admit, I am a comment slut. I can’t help it really. The witty feedback people give is like peanut butter crackies—too hard to resist. And what an endorphin surge!

(Just had th chuckle at this. Yes, I agree it is great to receive lots of comments)

What key advice would you give to a newbie blogger?

For personal blogs like mine, I'd say write what matters to you—what says something about you. Then trust that it will mean something to readers. If you're boring yourself to yawning, maybe you oughta rethink hitting that POST button (I beg you). Reveal about yourself only what you feel comfortable with the world knowing in perpetuity. That said, take some risks. Break out of your square box. Tear open the envelope. Embrace your unique voice. Make no apologies for who you are and what you believe. Besides, we all have far more in common than not; and chances are that revealing you got caught with your hand down your pants picking your wedgie is an experience millions of people can identify with, even if they won't admit it!

What is the most significant blog post you've ever read?

There are brilliant bloggers out there. It would be hard to pick just one significant post above all others. Plus, I'm kind of a shameless promoter, and would only end up linking you back to my own blog. Ha! Ever read Fragrant Liar?

Oh, alright. I am consistently blown away by Jimmy Bastard. This post in particular really captured my heart: Behind the Cloak. Such writing this man generates, and he always, always rocks me. Alas, he's a married man and lives across the pond.

What is the most significant blog post you've ever written?

As a humor blogger, I’m going to translate “significant” to mean which posts topped my “Greatest Hits” in the context of what my blog is all about. Since that’s a two-way tie, I’ll go with these:

This Number Doesn’t Fit, how I feel about getting older.
All By Myself, the changes I’m facing in my life RIGHT NOW.
And for sheer fun, The Morning After, since it's often a metaphor for my life.

If you were to suggest two blogs for roasting who would you pick, and why?

The bloggers that make me laugh, open my eyes, or resonate in a big way are my go-to blogs. With so many incredible blogs out there, I couldn't pick just two. Really. So here are four:

Julie at Midlife Jobhunter, Always honest, poignant writing from a good friend (who'd rather be floating on Lake LBJ than just about anything else).
Foxy at The Fox Den, My sassy Hoo-Ha sister who accepts me as I am and always gives me a chuckle.
Jayne at InJaynesWorld, Cuz nothing is sacred over there, and Jayne says what I think. Plus if she lived closer, I'd be over at her place all the time.
"Irish" at Irish Gumbo. Hey, I needed a token tripod. Plus, his posts are honest and pure and affecting and wonderful.

(Thanks for these, Kimber, I will write to them but I am very pleased to have met Irish Gumbo, who was roasted last week)

That concludes the formal aspect of the interview but it would be nice to get to know you a little better while you are slowly turning on the roasting spit. So here are a few more questions for you.

Pick three things you can't live without (no you cannot have ice cubes to cool you down).

I actually would like to know what it's like to roast on a spit—without being impaled, I mean, and without the fire. Everybody would be stare and salivate while their stomachs growled. Cool as that might be, I'd worry I'd be too tough to chew without a stout beer chaser.

Actually I can't imagine life would have ANY meaning without my family and a home overflowing with love and laughter. So I'll give you three other things:

1) Sinfully rich, hot, and chewy peanut butter crackies. With a frigid glass of milk. (You totally knew that was coming, didn't you?)
2) My muse. She's kind of sinful too—and totally unreliable—but I'm keeping her. (Plus she knows all my secrets.)
3) A positive outlook and a good sense of humor. (They're like boobs; they travel in pairs).
4) Cats. (Lap warmers, company keepers, poop outsiders.)
5) Pork chops. Thick. Grilled. Juicy. (Followed by peanut butter crackies and milk.)

Dude, you KNOW what happens when you give me finite numbers. One word: I rebel! (See, not so good with numbers.)

(Hey Kimber! 3 does not equal 5! Or maybe it does in your case! LOL, but it's all interesting reading)

If we were to make a movie about blogland, what would it be and who would you cast in the leading roles?

Invasion of the Blogger Snatchers. SYNOPSIS: When every man, woman, and child on Earth becomes a blogger, their lives are slowly sucked into their laptops as they adopt personas that look like them but are not precisely them—if they could just step away from their screens, escape their iPods and WAKE UP, humanity might have a chance! But no, for the alien iPad has landed.

Cast: Fragrant Liar played by Miz Attitude Holly Hunter. Sidekicks include ALL OF YOU. Sorry, you succumb in the end, and all is lost.

(Gee! I just love a happy ending!!)

If you could live your life again who would you be, and why?

Honestly, I would be me. I like me. Besides, who else would torture my family if I wasn’t around to do it? I would do a few things differently, but I'd still be a writer. Of the paths I'd take, knowing now what I didn't know then, I'd move some priorities to the forefront. Like spending more time with my baby sister, who passed 18 months ago. I’d see more of the world—much more—and write about it.

(Now this is most interesting. Nearly every person I ask this question is satisfied with being themselves with perhaps a couple of mods - this is great)

You have been given a wonderful talent from above. This causes you to make your mark on humanity and be world famous. Which would you prefer to be: a bestselling novelist, a brilliant artist, a gifted musician, a fantastic singer, a charismatic leader, or anything else you choose, and why?

Eddie, I'm going with all of the above. I’m all about over-indulgence and, well, why not?

(Why not indeed! If you're gonna hit the big time, do it big! See you in Who's Who!)

If you were an ice cream cone, which flavour would you prefer and who would you most want to lick you?

Duh! Peanut butter! As for the lickery, I'd probably pull out all the stops for Josh Lucas, or the love of my life, whoever gets to me first.

(I am saying nothing! except I love peanut butter! I have it on toast every morning, that or Marmite!)

Describe in one sentence your perfect day.

After I wake from a good night's sleep, still nestled in McCreamy’s arms, I rise to sip a steaming cup of cinnamon hazelnut coffee, followed by a relaxing walk on the sandy beach just out my back steps, where the warm sun and a clean, gentle breeze caresses my skin; after which I return to a hot breakfast prepped just the way I like it by McCreamy; where after, I retreat to my cozy study to write for a few hours; where after, McCreamy and I shop and lunch in the nearby village before returning home to the inviting ambiance of our cottage; where after, the kiddos all come over for a grilled feast, made by McCreamy; and when I'm done with all that I go in and put on some clothes.

I did it! One sentence! Woot-woot!

(Congratulations! That's the longest sentence we have had so far and I've just submitted it to The Guinness Book Of Records)

If you were a fictional writer which one would you be and why?

In addition to being a blogger, I am a fiction writer, but mostly the dream of being a NYT bestseller is a figment of my imagination. Therefore, I'm going with me, yet again, Eddie. I am totally fictional. However, one day SOON, I will be an authentic published author. I have three novels in progress, three more plotted out, at least two memoirs, and a whole lot more stuff in the queue. But who has the time!? If anyone would like to publish me for reals, don't hesitate to look me up, eh?

(Gosh what talent and there's more to you than meets the eye! Good luck and best wishes for your novels and writing - hope you are famous one day - remember little old me, won't you!)

And finally, since you answered all those questions, I invite you to ask me one in return—it's the least I can do. Okay, fire away! Anything you like! (Jeepers, what have I done?)

Eddie, I appreciate that this wasn't like a Comedy Central roast, where I’d have my ass handed to me on a microphone by 100 of my best friends who couldn't wait to skewer me. However, it's my turn now.

What is the one question you are dying to ask your interviewees but wouldn't dare?

Now that has put me on the spot which I am sure will amuse a few of my reader friends LOL

Out of this question came a question I have subsequently adopted on all roasts, What was your most embarrassing moment? Folks I emailed Kimber with this question and this is what she said. "HA! It's YOUR turn! I have MANY embarrassing moments. But that's probably not the question you are dying to ask but don't dare. Is it? Cuz you dared."

FEARLESS EDDIE STRIKES AGAIN!!

LOL Gosh this lady is a cool customer, isn't she? or as they say across the pond, "She's a real sharp cookie!"

Immediately I thought of another question but made the big mistake of not writing it down - so I have completely forgotten what it was. Some of you will remember my thinking cap - just put it on . . . . . . yes, got it! Here it is and Kimber you must answer it on a comment attached to this post! . . . . . and that includes everyone reading this roast! EVERYONE!! LOL

Kimber, if you woke up tomorrow morning a man, what would be the first thing you would do? . . . . and then what would be the second thing you would do?

There, a real 'snorter' for you - and answer it please!!!! LOL

Oh! I suppose you all want to see what I would write if I awoke and found myself a woman (after coming to terms with the shock!!) First thing I'd do - START TALKING. Second thing - PICK UP THE PHONE! LOL

Newsflash!!!

Just heard from Kimber and here is her answer to my question which was the answer to her question. Getting dizzy here! I copied from her comment - really Kimber!!! I am utterly shocked!!

Eddie, in answer to your question, if I woke up a man, the first thing I'd do is check out the new equipment and immediately start comparing myself to others. I would then immediately start filling up my new little black book. For research purposes, natch. I am a writer, after all.

Thank you Kimber. btw it is Sunday now in Australia in answer to your question about time zones.

Thanks again Kimber for your great interview.
Folks she has just been on Haitus but now is back in Blogsville.
_________________________________________________

Today's Sunday Roast with Fragrant Liar is the 121st in a weekly
series of interviews with bloggers from around the world. _________________________________________________

This interview will feature in The Roll of Honour
for all published Roasts. To view press HERE
________________________________________________

Next week's roast is that great detective, Secret Agent Woman