But first the business of the day. Please be patient - all will be revealed in due course.
(In the interest of security there will be no admittance for Lions or Tigers - only little pets can accompany their owners. Also it will be very hot here and therefore plenty of facilities will be available for cold showers if and when required. Laughing gas, Nitrous Oxide, is available for those with no sense of humour whatsoever and the event organiser retains the right to administer this compulsorily. So let your hair down please and enjoy yourselves!)
Today I am very grateful to my wonderful and gorgeous Italian/American friend, Lola, a rich genetic soup of a gal, who has flown all the way over from Rome with her assistant Theresa, a bit of a stony-faced grey bird with a strange permanent expression on her face, last seen in a church in Rome. They have kindly offered to provide full catering facilities at knock down prices for this star laden gathering, including some of the 'elite' from amongst the blogging community. We have some enterprising new bloggers in our midst together with some of the greatest writers, poets, artists and photographers alive today in blogsville and beyond. If I have omitted anyone it is simply that I have not met you yet - kindly advance and be recognised if, that is, you wish to advance and be recognised. If not there are plenty of Fawlty Towers utubes on the side panel to amuse you.
Lola has put on a wonderful buffet spread comprising cucumber sandwiches, strawberries and cream and lashings of her wonderful chocolate, plus some really grand Italian vino. Applause please. Bravo! Bravo! Grazie! Grazie!
Then we have a cabaret for you. Eddie will do the Richard III death scene in broad Lancastrian Shakespearean accent whilst limping around the stage on his bad hip, looking for his horse, and squirting generous lashings of tomato ketchup all over the place, shouting his head off in blank verse, whilst trying hard not to slip and fall flat on his face. He will have to tread the boards carefully since we cannot afford the services of a paramedic today.
Then on the sidebar, should anyone require further entertainment, we have an interesting utube where Bill Bailey, a famous television performer and pianist extraordinaire, will explain Cockney music and how this relates to the classical repertoire within the musical world. Bill has agreed his services free of charge because, listen to this, his father was, prior to his retirement, a General Practitioner in Eddie's doctor's surgery in his home town - quite remarkable isn't it? I seem to know a lot of influential people don't I? Small world, isn't it?
Talking of influential people I had hoped to be recognised in this year's New Year's Honours list - I say this because at school my nickname was Sir Ed and I have always wondered whether this in some way might be prophetic. All I can say is if I can swing it with Her Majesty, then there is one in it for you Jim of Suldog if, and only if you can explain to me in precise detail the rules of American Football. This game seems completely devoid of any logic or rules whatsoever, and if they do exist, they are as yet totally incomprehensible to a gentleman of England who understands very well both versions of "Rugger" - both league and union. These games are entirely logical yet you Yanks seem to have modified the basic rules extensively for your version of the game. Please remember we invented "Rugger" at Eaton in Rugby and somehow you have turned it into a game where the field is covered with swarms of multi-coloured wild locusts attired in modern day armour, beating the living daylights out of each other, whether or not anyone has the ball and where there seem to be no rules or purpose or order whatsoever - explain yourself please, Sir!!! Are there ANY rules or is it just an excuse to beat the crap out of each other and pinch the ref's whistle? And why all the armour? Our lads don't seem to require it! Are your lot a load of sissies? LOL (God! What have I done!! I must run for cover and hide!! HELP!!)
But Jim, on a serious note I loved your likes and dislikes list regarding blogging etiquette. Agree with you entirely - what gentlemen we are, eh!
Now after that small digression I have great pleasure in announcing the awards:
So time ago I was presented with the Premios Dardo Literary Award by my dear friend Janine of Sniffles and Smiles . As most of you know she has retired for a well deserved rest and is hiding out in a secret bunker as we speak. At the time I had hoped to pass this reward on to 5 people but managed to do so only to my great friend Lola of Aglio, Olio & Peperoncino.
I have 4 more rewards tonight for this very prestigious prize . . . . . .
. . . . for services to literature, requiring deep thinking, innovation and taking risks whilst writing.
There are those to whom I would wish to present this award but they already have it.
It now gives me great pleasure to make these awards to these writers whom I admire greatly, please pass on to 5 bloggers of your choice:
Erin at Woman in a Window
Prodigious output and very well written posts, everyone of them. I do not always get the chance to visit or comment but do so whenever I can - recently I enjoyed enormously your cow shit post! Looking forward to getting to know you better in cleaner surroundings, madam. Oh and please pull back the curtains from your window and let me see your smiling face. Oh! your other blog In through the Back Door Is it safe to enter I wonder?
Meredith at The Things We Carried
We all look up to you in admiration - perfection indeed. Loved your company in the Grand National and you are a lovely person and very kind, and I love your taste in classical music. I'll see you in next year's National.
Kathryn at Crystal Jigsaw
Heard recently you are a northern lass - well that explains a lot! We are kindred spirits of the north. You have a great blog, and did you know I put you back together in the Grand National after your fall? We reassembled the crystal jigsaw puzzle!! How kind of me - it's there in the records on my post.
David at Authorblog
A true shepherd looking after his 850 sheep. How on Earth you do it I cannot fathom. Also, seeing as you 'dish out' millions on POTDs it might be nice if you had one in return for your much appreciated work and example to others - a true gentleman . . . . and I have a special job for you tonight!! Please read on!!
Next award, the Renee Award.I was honoured to receive this award from Lola of Aglio, Olio & Peperoncino along with the Uplifting Bloggers Award. I was so grateful there were two heavy awards because I could put one under each arm and walk with balance, poise and dignity and not stumble along weighed down on one side, walking in circles like a 'blethering idiot' - thanks Lola.
It looks a little rude to me, Lola - but in essence the end product should be a mighty Oak Tree. I did wonder whether you considered I might possess a little acorn but I took your award in the spirit I thought you intended to convey - once again, Thank You.
So for the Renee award I am pleased to invite these friends to the platform and ask them to pass the award to 5 worthy bloggers:
C Michael Cox at The God of Another Worldfor your magnificent poetry. Alone, I am not nearly qualified to judge any outstanding poetry but I note all response comments from many very capable and qualified writers and they are all unanimous - you 'wow' them all, Michael, and consistently do so. And your work should be recognised at the very highest level.
Jane at Gaston Studio
Another wonderful writer - we all look up to you Jane and respect you enormously. Recently I particularly enjoyed your FBI post.
Robynn at Robynn's Ravings
A consistent good read with energy and enthusiasm - great sense of humour.
I feel totally breathless when I call round - the sheer pace of things there!!
Val at Val's Ramblings
A very prodigious writer with some charming and delightful stories - I regret I am not able time wise to visit more frequently but I would urge others to do so. I extend my friendship to you Val with this award.
Granny on the WebFor a consistent, high quality, side splitting laugh each and every day PLUS very kind comments and encouragement to others - and you come from Lancashire to boot, "EEh Baye Gum! Lass! Gradely done!" (We understand that lingo don't we?)
Sarah at Que Sarah Sarah I enjoy your posts very much and started to visit you regularly. They are short and sharp and interesting. I like your ideas and your sense of humour - also I have never met the wife of a preacher before. Does that mean you are always good?
There is another blog by this name - is it related?
Next award, the Uplifting Bloggers Award
This goes to fellow bloggers who visit frequently and raise spirits with their kind words of encouragement, their beautiful images and their wonderful outlook on life. They make blogging a positive experience and continue to make life richer.
I am very pleased to award these super people as follows and ask them to pass the award to 5 bloggers with relevant characteristics:
Janine at Sniffles and Smiles
Janine is a 'dynamo' of a writer, endless ideas and beautifully constructed posts written with feeling and warmth to convey her stories - whether in sniffles or in smiles they elicit powerful emotions. I do not have an appropriate award to cover your creative writing - you already have them - but I am concentrating tonight on the encouragement to others side of things.
Currently Janine is out of town, holed up in her bunker dodging the bullets and shells of life whilst charging up her batteries. I am particularly pleased to make this award because Janine is always supportive, kind, considerate and she encourages others consistently and always with a smile. Janine has given me three awards and it gives me very great pleasure to present this one to her. I shall sit on it and keep it warm for you, Janine, until you are able to collect it upon your return.
Rosaria at sixtyfivewhatnowFor your consistent support and encouraging comments - and of course for your great blog and widely acknowledged writing skills.
Debbie at Dishing with DebbieBrilliant blog and a wonderful cheery outlook on life. I loved your roast interview as well. Lovely lass and we all love you. Loved your video Debbie making waffles - yum yum!
Jim and Suldog
I know I'm stepping into a lion's den here awarding this but I love your blog and you have a super sense of humour - I hope! Loved to see you roasted alive on Sunday a few weeks back. Most of all I award this to you for your modesty!!!! . (Chorus: WHAT THE 'ELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT EDDIE - MODESTY???) . . . . . . . as I was saying, for that my friend you get a unique special additional award . . .
. . . a plate of British Fish and Chips with too much ketchup by far - isn't it awful? Uggh! It's just for you Jim as another example of an Anglo-American special relationship - the covenant deal is for you provide the ketchup and I provide the fish and chips! . . . and together we make a hell of a mess and we can walk through the carcasses together. Do we have a deal? Don't eat them all at once!!!
And still with the uplifting blogger award (with a plate of fish and chips if you wish) some more favs, including some very promising new bloggers, as well as some golden oldies:
(Please drop by to say "hi" to our popular new bloggers)
Jackie at Teacher's Pet
A new friend, a lovely lady and a think a rising star I am sure.
Bernie at On My Own
You must be nice because you like my sense of humour and my mates Albert Ramsbottom and Sam Small. I am looking forward to seeing more of your blog in due course.
Christopher at Christopher's Photos
A young man from Denmark and a brilliant photographer. A must visit!
Debbie at singlemuminacomplicatedworld
Interesting posts consistently.
Another new blogger and she is newly married. She and hubby recently donated blood which by me is a great thing to do.
To my friend Lola of Aglio, Olio & Peperoncino I present my You Make Me Smile Award. I love your blog and I smile regularly because I have two left spoons in the kitchen and I think your culinary masterpieces are way over my head. But you write such interesting stuff as well and so well researched and by golly, you can't half ride a horse. So please pick up your trophy on account until I get a better one which you do not already have and please pass the award on to 5 or more bloggers who make you smile. Ciao dear friend.
It is fitting that we end the award ceremony with Ribbon because a while ago she invited us to take a symbol of peace with us from her blog to place on our side panels and that is what I am inviting you to do tonight. (Grab a piece of this Peace tonight)Oh and while we're at it there are millions of Zombie Chicken Awards littered all over my place, multiplying like rabbits!!
Would you you ALL please, take the wretched things away before I have to shoot the lot of them - please collect one each on your way home and don't forget the giblets! I feel quite sick!
AND NOW LADIES AND GENTLEMEN with the awards ceremony completed I have a real treat for you . . . . all please gather round . . . . I have a news scoop of gigantian proportions for you!
I am delighted to announce that Eddie has tracked down Janine to her secret bunker with the assistance of David from Authorblog. After secret negotiations Janine has agreed to reappear from her hideout and be filmed for this evening's proceedings. David has has agreed to hang up his still camera in preference for a short assignment as a video production cameraman for this exceptional video recording - and what a cracking job he did too! He deserves to award himself POTD!
Folks, we've captured Janine singing a song for us with Eddie Bluelights at her side - altogether, "ahhh!"
Janine wanted to send a message to all her friends and the best way she thought was to sing you all a song, "We'll meet again!" For copyright purposes Eddie and Janine had agree to be made up to look like Dick Van Dyke and Julie Andrews, but don't be fooled - you can see the zeal of Janine and the twinkle in Eddie's eyes and just look at the way her looks at Janine during the song - honestly, it speaks volumes of how we all feel about her. It is remarkable that Janine now talks with a British accent whilst Eddie talks with an American accent - how strange!
In war time WW2 Dame Vera Lynn was the 'Forces' Sweetheart' singing this song but within blogsville Janine is our own 'Bloggers' Sweetheart' and we all love you and want you to return to us as soon as you are ready and able. Is there no end to your talents? You can write! You can paint! You can take good photos and now . . . . . we see you can sing beautifully!
Interestingly enough an anagram of Dame Vera Lynn reads . . . . . .
EVERY LAND, MAN . . . . . and Janine has followers in every land, man!! All over the world in fact!!
At the start of the video there is a bit of banter with Eddie and Janine. She explains about some dangerous missiles shooting over her head while she is in her bunker but Eddie finally shuts up and lets Janine get on with her lovely song, which she sings beautifully.
So without further ado ladies and gentlemen, please all stand to attention for her song and please join in the chorus at the end. The floor is yours, Janine, and we sign off with "We'll meet again".
Eddie was so moved he seriously contemplated singing "Chim chimeny, chim chimeny, chim chim cheroo" but thought better of it - he just looked at her and gave a big, big sigh!