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Monday, 29 November 2010

How To Remove Your Underpants Without Removing Your Trousers

I apologise for my recent lack of posts, other than Sunday Roasts of course. I have been extremely busy driving a red mini bus, nicknamed The Red Baron, three days a week for Dial-a-Ride at the local council. You may call me Eddie von Richthofen Bluelights.  My passengers are mainly little old ladies, picked up from home to the shops, Health Centres, Hairdressers etc. . . . . and to return them safely home, helping them with their shopping and on and off the bus etc.  Love the work but alas I shall soon finish because the council has run out of money - a common occurrence these days with cuts in government spending.  Shame for little old ladies who all love me of course and for me too because I love them and doing the work and helping them.

Anyway, I have an unusual post for you today - I feel it is something you just cannot wait to discover and try yourselves (joking of course!).  It is designed principally for the menfolk but you ladies too can join in if you pinch a pair of hubby's underpants and trousers whilst he is not looking!! Shhh! whilst he is asleep in his chair, pretending to be watching the TV, have a quiet practice and then when you have perfected the craft say, "Oi! bet you can't do this!"


"Take underpants off without trousers being removed!"

"Yer joking! . . . Golly! . . . . go on then  . . . . . thought it was impossible . . . . show me!"

If yer haven't got a hubby or he is out at the 'boozer' you'll just have to use your charm or beg, steal or borrow some underpants and trousers LOL.

Unfortunately, regarding this miraculous trick, this particular pleasure in life has been denied to me because now I am the proud owner of an artificial hip joint and there is no way I could do this without dislocating my entire left leg, which might fall off.  I don't like cheating because if my entire left leg did fall off then I could do this easily. So I'll abstain - that's my story and I'm sticking to it LOL.

This trick may not be quite as dazzling an escape as from a straight jacket, suspended by a flaming rope over a lion's den, but it's a lot safer and, with practice, can be an excellent party feature.  The key to success is elasticity, so stretchy pants are best.  The cotton shorts type are hopeless and my own laboratory experiments reveal that those with a Y at the front are the ones to go for.

You are allowed to bend your body and to stretch or twist your underpants. But tearing holes in any of your clothes is strictly forbidden. You can increase your chances of success by wearing loose trousers and pants but only one size up from normal - otherwise you shall be disqualified as a cheat.

1.  Begin by standing upright with legs slightly apart in the military Stand At Ease position.
2.  Placing the index and second fingers of the right hand inside the seam of the left inside leg , drag the trouser leg up with the help of the left hand, as far as it will go, exposing your bare thigh.
3.  Reach up inside the trouser leg until you can pinch the material of your underpants between your index and second fingers.  If you're struggling here, be of good cheer, for by pushing your left arm down the waistband of your trousers you can help things along.
4.  Grasping the underpants with the first two fingers of your right hand, pull firmly on the material until the waistband slips over your left hip (under your trousers) and the left leg hole of your pants appears outside the trouser leg. If you hear a nasty tearing noise, you break wind or lose your balance and fall over at this stage I am sorry. Also please refrain from answering the front door if the bell rings at this crucial stage - not a pretty sight!
5.  Pull the leg hole and waistband down over the bent left knee and secure your pants there for a moment while you take a breather.  If you are 'panting' then you are not very fit.
6.  Keeping the left leg bent, pull the pants over your foot and slip it out of the left leg hole and waistband.  Release the material so that the pants spring back up inside your trousers.  Be careful that the tense elastic does not cause your pants to fly up so fast that your 'pride and joy' is injured (if you are a male of course - I should hate to be the indirect cause of ruining anyone's marital prospects).
7.  It should be plain sailing from here.  By reaching up inside the right trouser leg, you should be able to grasp the material of your pants and simply slide them down your leg and off your foot with a flourish.  Job done! If the front door bell rings in all probability it is the men in white coats calling to take you away.

It is possible to put your underpants back on by reversing the sequence of moves.  Or you could just do it in the normal way, like an ordinary human being.

So now you know. It gives a whole new meaning to the phrase, "Getting one's knickers in a twist".

When I finally get some more time I am planning to do some more Freddie Bluelights analyses on why men's and women's brains work differently and the consequences.  These will be as sequels to those studies already done.

I must do the conclusion of the Eddie's feet saga - remember the Grim Reaper was threatening a hostile takeover of Eddie.  How did Eddie deal with that?  . . . . watch this space!

Plus, one fine day I will revive The Wizard Of Oz . . . . a big ask at the moment.

Talking of rattling - my teeth are!!  It's so cold here in UK and I am told in Scotland temperatures are forecast to drop to -20 degrees C.  Not nearly as bad as that here in Southern England around Bristol. I sympathise with the animals that hibernate and if I could I would. I feel I should put on some long Johns, a pullover, a night cap, some socks and go to bed with only my nose showing above the duvet. Good night!  . . . . . . "Zzzzzzzzzzz"


  1. But why would I want to do this Eddie? Office Chirstmas party trick? Not sure it'd go over that well with the boss.

    - Jazz

  2. It is a great pity that the shuttle service is going to end. If there is a market for the service then I don't think it is a sensible idea.
    Have you thought of ferrying people for a small feel? You'd need special insurance but I'm sure you would get plenty of people.

    Sounds like a really pointless thing to do with the underpants when all you need to do is to take the trousers off first.
    I don't think any woman would see the logic of trying to dislocate something when the normal way is so easy!
    I dare you do it at the next family function!
    Maggie X

    Nuts in May

  3. Jaz and Maggie
    Yes, great shame about the minibus.
    Agree that the exercise is utterly pointless and futile. . . . but for some reason it amused me LOL

  4. Well, I'm sorry your red bus chauffering will end. I have no doubt the little old ladies just love you!

    Now...what a trick! haha. I must say I was laughing OUT LOUD as I read this. You are a hoot. And how convenient with your hip and all that you must decline from actually trying it yourself! :)

  5. Betsy - shh! I would never try such a stupid thing, with or without a new hip. It would probably dislocate a normal hip LOL
    Just wanted to see how you all reacted LOL.
    Glad someone has a sense of humour LOL
    I am going to dare Suldog to try it and get him to video his attempt LOL

  6. I am sorry that the Red Baron's service won't be running for the ladies who needed it; I can't think of a finer guy to be their driver. You are a kind and caring person, Eddie. I hope that the council "finds" the money to reinstall this service....such a worthy one, in my opinion.
    Regarding the feat....I like Maggie's dare...and I can't wait to hear if you take her up on it...but doubting that you should since you need your left leg!!!
    Another wonderful blog, my friend.
    Hugs and warmest smiles to you. Stay warm...stay healthy, and give Maria a hug and a kiss from me, too.
    Many hugs,

  7. I can remove my bra by using a similar method!
    (not via my trouser leg though)

  8. Interesting choice of instruction. I am quite certain there are many men who may find this very useful at some point to prevent some form of humiliation.

    On the other hand Women can do similar feats with their clothing and no one needs to teach us...We can remove our bras while wearing our shirts.

  9. I would like to see this done. Could you make a video? lol

  10. Eva - I asked for that didn't I? LOL
    Oh what fun we have!

  11. LOL!!!

    hee, hee!!


    This post is HILARIOUS, Eddie and much needed on a dreary and cold Monday back to the office - thanks for posting it!

  12. Interesting trick Eddie. I'll be the life of the next party I attend :-)

    Sorry your driving job is coming to an end. I know what a great help you are and how much the passengers enjoy their time with you. You are so much fun, I bet you make their day.

    Cheers, jj

  13. Hello, My dear friend Mrs. Magpie directed me to your blog and what an interesting blog it is! I can see you are a very caring person. Your blog post was fun to read although I don't see myself trying it any time soon. I not very coordinated as it is LOL

  14. Can't the cut something else...not the shuttle service. What are they to do now?? Sad...very sad.
    Well enjoy your hibernation...just keep your legs crossed!! I'm just saying!!!!

  15. I tried this, but I think I should have waited until I got off the train.

  16. Must try that Eddie. Mmmmm? Can anyone lend me a pair of men's pants?

  17. Well, I thought I was fairly much past learning anything new, being the old dog that I am, but here you go and prove me dead wrong. I don't know if I'll ever have opportunity to use this information, but it's always useful to have - I think.

  18. well...and why would one want to do that though? Is there a purpose or is it pure "just because it can be done" lol.

    Thanks for popping by earlier Eddie! I read..I just rarely get time to comment! Too bad your job is coming to an end..sounds like it was very worthwhile too.


  19. Breeze - just because it can be done - no purpose other than I thought it funny LOL

  20. Hilarious post! LOL You are such a hoot! The only problem that I can see, is what to do with the underpants, once you manage to get them off! LOL Cheers, cher!

  21. Hi!!!... Eddie Sir,
    What a hilarious method for women and a useful emergency technique for the men.It reminded me of my childhood nearly 30-40 years ago when we used to practice this technique so often after taking our bath in open fields at our tube-wells in public.We used to play in open fields and open grounds and after the play we would straight away go to a nearby running tube-well to take a bath.The tube-wells were the only source of water supply in those days both for drinking and agriculture.Always there used to be some people around including girls/women at these tube wells carrying water from here to their respective homes.Also we all players used to bath together under the running broad pipe of tube well.Naturally we carried no towels with us after our plays.So we would take a bath together in open with our under-pants on, in front of everyone including women present there on tube well.Also we would have no extra dry pant to wear on after our bath.So so...we would apply this technique. How ?.
    So simple...after 1-2 minutes of bath (to allow excess water to drip down the body),we would directly wear on our trousers over our wet pant on our waist in open(as we had no towels with us and no bath rooms at tube wells),and then apply this technique to take out the wet under pant.We would go home wearing trousers only and after reaching home we would wear the fresh dry pant in our bath room.
    It was such a wonderful and highly useful emergency technique in those care free days of our lives.
    Thanks for sharing and for a sweet and ? melodious flashback.

  22. ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are a man of hidden talent!!!!!!!!! ROFL!!!!!! And the comments here are almost as funny as the post!!!! Tears streaming...Nick..Maggie, Dr. Yadav, Jim... so funny!! I can't stop laughing...I'll be back when I can write a reasonably serious comment!! ...still laughing... Hugs, Janine

  23. Marguerite - throw the pants away I would think. After all that straining they are bound to be:
    a) soiled
    b) torn


  24. Janine - Have you perfected it yet? LOL
    Oh I see when you say ROFL you were not actually trying it but laughing!! LOL
    Seriously, glad you liked it - I'll have to search for a sequel! LOL

  25. Teachers Pet - Glad it made you smile! Had great fun writing it - problem is I keep thinking of more I should have included!

  26. Onedia - Thank you for calling in - I'm not normally as mad as this! honest! Just one of my extrovert posts.
    Laughed at your comments

  27. Creative Beast ~ You do have a fantastic sense of humour - I am almost complete with your roast - will let you know when.

  28. Joanna ~ LOL ~ Would love to be at the party LOL

  29. Charli and Me - Thank you for your kind comments - and I do not blame you at all for not trying the trick LOL

  30. Slommler ~ Sue Ann, thanks, the Dial-a-Ride service is still intact but one bus is to be taken off the road - sob sob!
    Have you been practicing? LOL

  31. Nick ~ That's what our boring train transport system needs. Keep up the good work LOL

  32. Retired and Crazy - Go on someone - give her some gear! LOL

  33. Suldog - Jim, thanks for that! But you never know when you might need this valuable information LOL

  34. Dr Yadav,
    Hilarious, good Sir!! ROFL.
    Tell me on the scale of 1 to 10, how dangerous is my trick to ones' general health and do you think I am right to abstain from trying it myself now I have an artificial hip? LOL

  35. My dear Eddie Sahab(sir),
    You are a priceless treasure of humor and everything you have in your basket,either new or old.AND everything so relevant and practical too. KUDOS....

    Most of our blogger friends have rated it as a useless and pointless exercise when a normal way out is there at your disposal.But to practice or know the unusual ways of doing things in life always help you to sharpen your reflexes and brain and it might help you too in any odd situation in your life.But remember,caution is always needed in any unusual skill or practice.It was a boon for us in our childhood.We would go out and play care free ,take out or wear off our trousers and have a bath with under pants on. After bath, would wear on the same dry trouser over wet pants, apply this tech.and take out the wet pant underneath by this method. NO TOWELS,NO BATHROOM,NO PRIVACY needed in this change over.

    As far my rating goes, in my view it is not dangerous at all if performed slowly and freely esp. when you are young or a healthy adult.It has no hazards,it simply requires a little bit of more flexibility of your knee and hip joints.That's all !!. My rating for danger in normal circumstances is a big ZERO physically and 1 for tearing off your pants in initial stages of learning.Old age is always synonym with "precaution".
    You are strictly warned not to practice it anymore with an artificial hip on.

  36. Dr Yadav
    I thank you for your consulatation! LOL
    Upon your advice I shall refrain from such acrobatics - thus uncreasing the lifespan of my Y fronts!! LOL
    Nice to know it is not harnful to normal human beings - ie those with their natural hip joints! LOL

  37. To Eddie and Dr. Y....
    Note: Eddie is young at heart....has an artificial hip...and I am sooooo glad Dr. Y gave the warning. Otherwise, Eddie would be out there giving it a go!! Whew! Thank goodness advice came from the doctor just in the nick of time.
    Now....Eddie...take the doctor's advice. DON'T do it!! :)))
    Regarding hibernation for you Eddie....hmmmm. I can't forsee that either. You have too much fun at this. Keep warm....
    Hugs and smiles,

  38. Teachers Pet - Thanks Jackie, reluctantly I shall have to resort to the more conventional method LOL
    Word verificatiom: elastic

  39. Kathryn M. ~ Thank you for Laughing! LOL
    I am told that Angie and Marguerite are plotting to roast me at the stake and I think they would like you to help get the fire going!!! I think some aukward questions might well be coming my way!!! Vring it on, gals!! - OMG what have I let myself in for? . . . . . . HELP!

  40. Hmmm....maybe in the summer, my dearest friend! It's awfully cold...
    But wow, how do you come up with these ideas? To me the methodology is as complicated as following instructions on how to operate any machinery ;-)
    I thought the Red Baron is a great public service! That's a shame!

  41. Cherry Blossom Girl ~ Great to see you here and glad you liked the post LOL.
    Oh I just have the odd idea now and then LOL

  42. Having been away for some time, I am trying to catch up with old friends and found myself intrigued by this title. The instructions, while adequate, would certainly have been easier to follow on video; so I checked YouTube and VOILA! yes, there are several higly instructional vidoes on the subject. I recommend this one, set to musical accompaniment, in which the man in question not only removes his underpants, at his wife's command, but also dons FRESH underpants via the same method in reverse! All done in just over 2 minutes.

    On the other hand, this young man seemed to have quite a bit of trouble with his:

    So sorry to hear that your new job/hobby will be ending soon. I'm sure the little old ladies are already in mourning. But I do so like Maggie's suggestion. Quote: "Have you thought of ferrying people for a small FEEL?" Yes, I believe some of those little old ladies would quite enjoy that!

    My feet send their regards and are anxious to hear from yours. And they are quite happy to know that you will NOT be pulling the underpants trick yourself!


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