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Sunday, 29 September 2013

REFLECTIONS



He glances back at me - wistful and forlorn.  He looks again intently from within a sombre and totally unfamiliar perspective – a place where he does not want to be – a place where his preferred emotions of joy and happiness now cannot live.  These more welcome feelings are eclipsed in total by dark lingering shadows of despair, longing and sorrow, emanating and surfacing endlessly from his broken heart and orchestrated so cruelly by his tortured mind.

His face I know so well, yet somehow he is a stranger to me; for his expression now contradicts all known recognition. Our eyes meet once more and as they do so I see only a look of utter sadness and sorrow, written and etched deeply and emphatically upon his troubled face as if his very being is transfixed upon the object of his grief.

I sympathise and as I do so I realise his feelings are true and real for I know a mirror can never lie and that man’s grief is just a reflection of my own – feelings of deep loss, feelings of hopelessness and feelings of utter despair which threaten to haunt me for ever and tear the very heart from me and never leave me alone.

I look again and this time I notice a tear glisten in his eye, in sympathy with my own – a tear of love and longing for someone who is now absent from his life, yet remains the summit and focal point of his existence.  As I look again I see him pondering deep thoughts through his grief. Powerful and searching questions race across his wounded mind, as he contemplates the gravity, the magnitude and the implications of her absence and the shallow life he now has to live alone, as though part of him has been  ripped away, caused by her premature and cruel passing and stolen from him by the jaws of death.


His sad eyes look at me once more in earnest and plead for his lost identity, for that too died with her and now cannot be repaired.  His soul searches his darkened world for an unbroken but lost personality; a former self he knew long ago – a man he liked and with whom he was fully at peace, for he knows only then might he find an inner man strong enough to carry him through his sorrow.

Yet somewhere, dredged from deep within his heart, hope slowly promises a rescue mission for his troubled soul – a rescue from all those uncomfortable and sombre emotions, weighing so heavily upon his fragility.  His tear begins to fade for he knows a time will come when he and the lady of his life will be reunited - this time they will endure together in unimaginable eternal bliss, not for a mere 40 years of shared existence, here in this limited dimension.   

He holds on tightly to his lifeline of new-found embryonic hope which speaks and convinces that his former happiness is not lost for an eternity – just frozen for a while in time.  He realizes a new dawn will arise, this time filled with light, joy, laughter and colour and he himself at his appointed hour will pass through the gate of time and space to meet an angelic figure who will appear to him and greet him and welcome him into eternity with a smile so radiant his heart will burst with happiness. She will be young again and perfect in every way - no longer defiled by that vile and evil disease emanating straight from the pit of hell. Nothing and no-one will ever hurt her again and her laughter and joy will sing across the universe to the sound of running water, welling from the spring of life.   

copyright:  Eddie Bluelights September 2013

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

I'm slowly emerging from the tunnel
Thank you all for your kind thoughts and prayers

30 comments:

  1. Dear Eddie, your writing is beautiful and from the heart.
    So good to see you back, was thinking about you the other day and wondering how you were.
    (((hugs)))

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  2. Hugging you, my friend...
    Powerfully written...
    Know that I continue to think of you and lift you up in my prayers.
    Love,
    Jackie

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  3. no one will hurt her again...for sure....and you know...take your time man...its not an easy thing to walk through...but i am glad to see you...felt
    hugs man.

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  4. Dear Eddie, My heart is breaking for you-- this post is so very sad and heartfelt that I know it was not easy for you to write let alone get through each day. But I smiled at your closing line and I am happy to know you are starting to "come back" as they say. It's a long journey but there are many of us in blog land that are cheering you on and hoping you find peace and your zest for life again.
    Sending hugs, xo jj

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  5. Eddie, your writing is so hauntingly beautiful in it's expression of your grief. It's clear you are emerging from the tunnel and while the reflection you see in the mirror is not the happy-go-lucky Eddie we know and cherish, we do know that 'Eddie of old' will reemerge; a bit tempered by grief perhaps, but just as loving and compassionate as he writes here today.
    Sending thoughts of hopefulness as you continue your journey through your process of grief.

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  6. That was the most beautiful piece of writing and it tugged at my heartstrings too. I also miss her and it is the hope of the better life to come that helps us all to press on with this one (imperfect as it is).
    May your creative writing turn out to be part of the medicine that helps you with this.
    Much love........ Maggie xxxxxx

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  7. She is definitely no longer in pain and I hug you in yours. Know that this is but a brief passing in time. It is the life eve rafter that is for eternity...forever and ever. That is our hope and joy.....love you Eddie
    Hugging you
    SueAnn

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  8. Eddie, Again I'm so sorry for the loss of your lovely wife. I know it must be so difficult. Your love shall always prevail and you have so many treasured memories.
    I hope you are healing from your heart break. Thank you for visiting...xo Linda

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  9. Your beautiful writer's voice will help you on your journey out of the darkness and into the light.

    XO
    WWW

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  10. So beautifully written and so moving, Eddie. I hope that you continue to find hope and comfort in this life, too.

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  11. Very touching and beautifully expressed, Eddie. I'm so sorry for your pain but I'm happy that you are emerging, once again. Hugs to you.

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  12. Eddie, I don't know when I've read anything so powerful. I know that what you have written and what you believe and hope for is true. Yes, you will most assuredly see Maria again, just as you have expressed so eloquently.

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  13. This is a universal message
    in your own particular
    voice.

    Quite excellent. Most worthy. A Comfort in one's own sojourn.


    Warm ALOHA from Honolulu
    Comfort Spiral
    =^..^= <3

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  14. This is a lovely piece of writing, Eddie. May God continue to bring you through the grief, and may you emerge from the tunnel with a deeper knowledge of Him than when you entered it.

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  15. Beautiful and bittersweet. So hard to grieve your way through the loss of a partner. I'm sorry.

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  16. This is beautifully written. May you continue on with your journey knowing that others care and are cheering you on. God Bless.

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  17. Eddy, I just heard your sad news and felt that I must offer my condolences on your tragic loss. God bless you and keep you safe.

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  18. Eddie:

    You're a beautiful man and I love you, as do so many others. You remain in my prayers. And you're right, of course. It is only a temporary separation. God bless you, and whenever you wish to talk, we will always be here for you.

    Jim

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  19. I'm just checking in on you dear man to see how you're coming along! I just recommitted to a weekly blog post and thought I'd visit my old haunts to see how it goes. Continue on love, one step after another and you'll find lots of light in time. Many many hugs.

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  20. I had to wait a few minutes to compose myself...beautifully written
    warm hugs
    Sandi

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  21. Congratulations Eddie! Well deserved.
    Sandi

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  22. Hello again, my friend....
    You know that I wanted to check back here and let you know that you have a virtual hug coming from across the pond.
    Lots of hugs....and prayers. Always prayers.
    Feel them both,
    Jackie

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  23. My goodness, what a gorgeous piece of writing. You've so eloquently put in words the journey of loosing a spouse. Thanks for letting us take a peak at your hurting soul and I'm so glad to see a spark of happiness. Fan that spark into a flame, Ed! She's looking down on you and wants nothing more than for you to enjoy yourself right now. Big hugs. xo

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  24. My dear friend, I have thought of you often and wondered how you were. I knew this could not be easy, and I am so sorry the grief is still so raw. Having lost so many of my dear ones, my heart goes out to yours, particularly since this person was your other half. She was so blessed to have you in her life just as we are all blessed to have you in ours. Sending you tender hugs across the miles and praying that the Savior will hold you especially close. Thank goodness for Him because knowing Him allows us to weep, but not as those who have no hope. I heard a wonderful sermon on hope which is part of the great three... Faith, Hope, and Love. I wish I were there in England so I could do something to help, but I can pray and I do pray that God fill you with the peace that passes all understanding. I no longer have my same email address, but I will try to email you from my new one.

    Love from America...

    XO,

    Sheila

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  25. You're so right about the tissues, Eddie. But then, as a watery Piscean, I'm no stranger to tears - though luckily, the jester side of the Jinksy nature means laughter persists in bubbling up, too - often at the most inappropriate moments.So never forget to see the laughter lines on that face in the mirror - I'm pretty certain they will always remind you of fun times you've had, as well as ones which are waiting for you ahead. :)
    Blogland hugs from Napple xx

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  26. Such a beautiful post Eddie. ((Hugs))

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  27. These are raw emotions, well expressed, and sad as they are, the lingering hope, the crack of a dawn, wraps it up in warmth...

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    Replies
    1. Thank you V
      I am honoured you liked it :)

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