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Monday 20 May 2013

IN LOVING MEMORY OF MY DARLING WIFE

It is with great sadness that I announce the passing of Maria, my darling wife, who left this life for a much better one on 26 April 2013.  We had just celebrated our Ruby Wedding Anniversary in March, so I am very thankful that we spent 40 wonderful years together.


I remember clearly writing on her card, "To my darling Maria, my ruby, the finest and most loved gem in the whole jewel box."

You may have wondered why I have been absent from BlogLand for several months - the reason being that Maria's health issues gradually worsened over the last 2-3 months following her last course of chemotherapy, combating that dreadful disease, breast cancer, originally diagnosed 16 years ago.  Maria sensed two months ago that her health was failing and said she considered that this time it was the beginning of the end for her.  Of course I went into complete denial because Maria had bounced back so many times and we thought she might be with us for perhaps a couple of years.  I say this because the last CT scan revealed that the cancer had just spread to her liver, hence the need for more chemotherapy.  Unfortunately the four oral hormone therapy drugs had all become ineffective so she was beginning to run out of options and this greatly disturbed her.  We knew that a spread to liver usually means about 2 years to live, although no-one gave us a prognosis.

I looked after Maria with gradually greater intensity for about 3 months and this I was so pleased to do because on our wedding day I promised for better, for worse, in sickness and in health - and I meant every word. About 3 weeks before she died Maria developed an extended and very hard abdomen which was extremely uncomfortable for her. Our GP diagnosed that there was a problem with her liver, although she considered it unlikely that the cancer had got out of hand so quickly and there must be some other cause. While she was alive they never did discover the cause and Maria gradually became weaker and weaker, which was heartbreaking to watch.  She knew she was dying, and I too accepted this, albeit reluctantly.  Maria told me she wanted to stay at home as long as she could and be with me.  She also said she was so pleased to be my wife and laughed when I said she might have needed the services of SpecSavers and that that  Polish Vodka was so strong it encouraged me to propose and encouraged her to accept.  We have been through so much together, sharing the good times and the bad times. I feel she is part of me and I am part if her . . . . . still.

She was eating less and less and could not keep a meal down and hence her appetite for food was almost non existent during her last week.  Also she was not drinking nearly enough causing me to worry that she was beginning to dehydrate.  So the time had arrived to get her into hospital and an ambulance took her to A&E. I stayed at home for half an hour and broke down in tears for a while.  I arrived there and was alarmed to see she had deteriorated further and was not able to communicate.  She was wired up to monitors and they managed to get a canular into her neck through which a saline drip provided much needed liquid and nutrients.  A doctor saw me and said she was a very sick lady and they would do everything they could for her - if they could cure her they would but he suspected the cancer had spread and for me to be prepared for any news.

The next day she was transferred to the Medical Assessment Ward and a registrar from Intensive Care saw me and said he doubted whether she would be able to recover because she had nothing in reserve for any sort of treatment they had in mind - the treatment itself would probably kill her.  They thought she might be fighting several things all at once and her body was completely overwhelmed.

I was visiting her, with various people all day, and a close Christian friend and I asked our local priest to say the last rights for her, which he did that afternoon.  Just as we arrived at the hospital we saw her sister had come over to see her from Wales.  She looked very shocked at Maria's condition.

I managed to get my son over from Cardiff and together, with my daughter, we visited Maria again that day and left her bedside at 10.30.  She had not regained consciousness since A&E, nor did she ever again. We were asked if we wished to be contacted if her condition changed and at 4 am we received a call asking us to come in.  The three of us arrived at her bedside and by that time all her drips and monitors were disconnected and she was transferred to a private room.  We stayed with her until the end.  I managed to find the strength to say to her, "It is a privilege and an honour to be your husband, darling.  God gave me the perfect life long partner and our children, both hand picked by God, would not have been quite as wonderful if you had not been their mother.  I am not saying goodbye but just au revoir because I know we will be together again one day and this time no-one and nothing will ever hurt you again and keep us apart."

I also prayed that she would be taken to heaven very quickly and be spared any more suffering.  Now this is quite remarkable because at 8.15am no fewer than 15 of my daughter's devout teaching colleagues from her last school, were praying the very same thing and at 8.20am Maria breathed her last breath.

I felt, and still feel, as though part of me has been ripped apart because when we married we became one flesh for ever.  I was in a state of shock and disbelief for a couple of weeks but I am gradually coming to terms with this huge loss. I take her nightdress to bed and cuddle it.  Perhaps the hardest part is awaking each morning . . . . alone.

The cause of death was still not known and therefore a post mortem was necessary before they could issue a death certificate.  The cause of death was a Gastro Intestinal Haemorrhage caused by the spread of breast cancer.  So this was not detected on her last CT scan and it explained a lot of exactly what she experienced and her symptoms.  There was nothing they could have done for her.

In conclusion I know that lots of people all over the world were praying for her, including many Blogging Buddies, and I thank you so much for your prayers and good wishes.  We needn't have had those 16 years (it is a long time after all) and it might be that prayer kept Maria going for so long.  Another reason is that she focused on her work at a local Care Home, where she helped many people. She worked right until a month before she died and I was privileged to go in and help her lay the tables and mop the floors.  I did so for 6 months.

Next time I shall tell you a little about Maria's wonderful funeral and I shall show you the tribute I wrote for her which was beautifully read and introduced by my cousin, with whom I am very close.

58 comments:

  1. My dear blog buddy, I am SO very sorry to hear of your great loss. I have had you both in my thoughts, and most strongly in recent days, hoping that all would be well with you and Maria. I am sad to hear that Maria has left this world, but so glad that it came quickly and that your family were gathered together for the last. I know you will be feeling this loss for some time to come, but I also know your faith will provide a source of strength to draw upon and I know your family will also provide much comfort. There are still blessings coming your way Eddie, despite this difficult time in your life. Look after yourself and I look forward to hearing more about the service, and hopefully some wonderful anecdotes about your "Missus" =-) OX

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  2. oh man i am so sorry...i am glad you have people/family there to support you...i cant imagine...sending prayers and hugs still man...

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  3. God bless you both, Dear!

    Aloha

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  4. Oh, Eddie! I am so very sorry. You are an angel, and I thank God that you were there for Maria, and I know she does, too. I want you to know I am thinking of you and praying that The Lord gives you the strength to rest and recuperate from this loss. Take care of you, Eddie, and know that your blogging friends love you and are sending wishes from all over the world. Lots coming from Mr. Magpie and me in America.

    This was THE MOST BEAUTIFUL TRIBUTE EVER.

    Take care, my friend.

    In deepest sympathy,

    Sheila

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  5. I'm sorry about the run-on sentence. I was just so stunned to see that Maria had died, and the words just came pouring out. Big Hugs.

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  6. Oh, Eddie...when I saw the title of this blog, my throat closed up. I knew that Maria had gone to be with the Lord, but in my heart I dreaded coming face to face with the pain and the sorrow that I knew this would be for you, Selina, and Jonathan. My heart is broken because I know how sad you are and how much you miss your Maria. Thank you for taking the time and the sweet devotion to write this memory blog about her. She was a lovely woman...a fine wife, mother, sister and sister-in-law. You know that I'm thinking about you, and you know that if there is anything that I can do to help you or your family, that I am here for you.
    We are blogging family....
    Love,
    Jackie

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  7. I am very sorry to have read of your troubles.

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  8. Eddie, I am terribly sorry for your loss. I cried reading what you wrote. You are a very lucky man, to have had all those years together.

    I once read that people who are truly in love fear only one thing, and that is death, the only thing that can separate them. But as you said, you and Maria will see each other again one day.

    Things will not be easy. I think one must find new reasons to live, one day at a time. I wish you well sir.

    Kane

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  9. I don't pop over here very much but I read about what has happened on your sister Maggie's blog. I am so very, very sorry for your loss Eddie. I can only imagine how painful it is for you to lose your partner of 40 years. I pray that your grief will ease and you and your family will remember only the wonderful times you had with your wife. Please accept my sincere condolences. x

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  10. Glad you managed to do a post about this because I find writing about it has a very therapeutic effect.
    It is quite a lot to cope with, isn't it?
    You know where we are if you need anything. Always find a listening ear with us.
    Lots of love,
    Maggie x

    Nuts in May

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  11. Hugging you....wishing you peace and comfort from our Father in heaven.
    Hugs
    SueAnn

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  12. Eddie, my heart aches for you and the great loss you must endure without your Maria. She was a beautiful lady, inside and out - and two of you were well suited for one another. Your emotion touches me. I send hugs across the pond to you. I am so sorry for your pain.

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  13. A lovely tribute for a very lovely and special lady. I am so very sorry for your loss, Eddie, and my thoughts and prayers are with you and your dear family during this most difficult time. Praying that God will give you all the strength to get through this and bless you each day.

    With Deepest Sympathy,
    Marguerite

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  14. I'm so sorry, Eddie. Sending you prayers of comfort and peace. You were such a wonderful husband and caregiver for her. She couldn't have asked for more. God bless and comfort you!

    ...hugs...

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  15. I've been thinking about you since your sister first posted about the loss of your dear wife. I am so very, very sorry and am wishing you peace and healing.

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  16. Dear Eddie, My heart is breaking for you. It was clear to any and all who read your posts over the years about your lovely wife, Maria, how very much you loved her. She was a wonderful woman and you were a wonderful husband. Hold those beautiful memories close and know that I am still sending prayers your way.
    Big sigh, xo jj

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  17. Eddie, you're a wonderful man, who was blessed with a wonderful wife. God loves you, my friend (as, obviously, do many here.)

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  18. Oh Eddie, your words have touched my heart today. Maria was truly blessed to have you in her life all those years, as you were to be in hers.

    With love and sincere condolences,
    Kathryn (CJ) x

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  19. Dear Eddie, What a beautiful post and tribute to your lovely wife Maria. The picture of the two of you really does look like a match made in heaven. May the peace that passeth understanding be with you at this difficult time.

    My husband and I will be thinking and praying for you in your time of loss. Families are Forever.

    Karen and Bruce Gowen

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  20. Dearest Eddie, your words are beautiful, and the love you and Maria had for each other is so evident in this post.
    My heart breaks for you, I cannot imagine how difficult a time it is for you right now. Your faith is a great help, as are family and memories of 40 good years together, but it's still heartbreaking to lose your lovely wife. I remember many posts where you affectionately referred to her as Mrs. Bluelights.
    Thinking of you, (((hugs))) from Dublin.

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  21. Dear Eddie, reading your most precious post has me in tears. When you commented on my posts, I couldn't stop the tears. 40 wonderful years together is so very special. I know you miss your very best friend, wife, and love. I can't imagine how you must feel. You are a truly remarkable man with so much love. Your lovely Maria is indeed a big part of you. You have my prayers too Eddie for comfort and peace. Much love, Linda

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  22. So sorry to hear of your loss, Eddie. Cancer is a tough thing to deal with--I've lost a few loved ones to it myself. Your tribute to your wife is beautiful and it's good that you had that time you did and that you stayed by her side until the end. I wish you well in dealing with this and you have my prayers and sympathies.

    Lee
    Tossing It Out

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  23. Eddie, I am so sorry. When Davy died I took comfort in the knowledge that he had gone to a better place. And I was so grateful for the years that we had shared together. You take care, much love, Ann xx

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  24. Dear Eddie,

    Life with your wife is one of the greatest gifts God has given you.
    Heaven is rejoicing because another beautiful soul has reached home.

    My deepest condolences.
    You take care!


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  25. So sorry for your loss.
    best wishes
    Robyn aka Ribbon x

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  26. I am so deeply and sincerely sorry to read such sad news. Your post brought tears to my eyes, as the love you shared shines through your words. Hugs to you, dear man. May God be with you and help you through this difficult time.

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  27. Oh Eddie, I'm so sorry for your loss. Maria is somewhere better and my prayers are with you and your family. I'm sorry I only found out today and wasn't there for you when this happened.

    My email is mitzouko[at]gmail[dot]com and if you need to vent I'm there
    Lola

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  28. I learned about your loss from Joanna - The Fifty Factor. I just wanted to stop by and give you a big hugs and let you know you are in my thoughts and prayers. I'm so happy that you had 40 wonderful years together - that is a true miracle in todays society. Remember she will always live on in the hearts of those dear to her and those she touched. Big Hugs!!

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  29. I'm so very very sorry to hear about your loss. Thinking of you and wishing you strength and peace.

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  30. JJ sent me, too, Eddie. I just wanted to tell you that this heartbreaking post has touched my heart, and I am so so sorry for your loss, but happy to know you had each other for 40 years. You are right, it is only a temporary separation. Blessings and many cyber hugs.

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  31. I just saw your comment on my blog...I am so very sorry Eddie but your sweetheart was so very lucky...to be loved for one such as you for 40 plus years...I only wish you peace in this new different phase of your life. Big hugs. Breeze

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  32. Eddie...I'm checking back in with you, my friend.
    Thinking of you....praying for you, your son, your daughter and your family.
    I know that you miss Maria; my heart continues to be heavy thinking of the loss you are experiencing.
    Hugs to you,
    Jackie

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  33. Eddie: I am just hearing of your wonderful wife's journey Home, and I'm sorry to hear she had to leave so soon. I hope you can feel the love she holds for you, even though the form of it is different now. And, I hope that you can feel the love of all of us here in the blogging world who think so much of you. (((HUG)))

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  34. I haven't visited your blog in awhile but heard the sad news from Joanna Jenkins. I know that this must be the most difficult time for you. I send loving thoughts and prayers to you and your family. If only all marriages could have been as special as that of you and Maria.

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  35. So sorry in your great loss. You're a very lucky man, to have loved and been loved by such a lovely lady.

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  36. Oh Eddie I just popped in tonight to see how you and Maria were doing. I am so sorry to read of her passing. May she RIP.
    I do hope you are coping well Eddie, Maria would want that and that you are finding comfort in your memories and your children. Please know my heart and prayers are with you at this time, xo

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  37. Just checking in to see how you're doing, Eddie. Hope you are feeling well. Keep us updated, my friend. Writing is good for the soul and helps to clear the head, especially when you have friends who would love to listen.

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  38. Dropping back by to let you know I'm thinking of you today. Saying a prayer that The Lord will especially bless you, Eddie.

    XO,

    Sheila (The Quintessential Magpie)

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  39. Hey Eddie, such a powerful, moving, honest and heartfelt post. The love you have shines through, I am thinking of you and hope you are doing well xx

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  40. Dear Eddie, I just spotted your post and came over from Mel's. I was so touched and sad to read what you have written, what a wonderful marriage you 2 enjoyed. I'm sure if she could, Maria would be around you, close by in spirit. She sounds like a lovely lady. Please know that someone you do not know and will probably never meet, cares very much about what has happened and sends you love.

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  41. Eddie I am so sorry for your loss. Words can't express the feelings you have can they? I just had to keep reminding myself how fortunate I had been to have such a complete and happy marriage. Take care. xx

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  42. Thank you for all your comments - they mean so much to me ~ Eddie x

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  43. It's August...and I cannot let the month come and go without letting you know that you are in my thoughts. Thinking of you, Jonathan, and Selina.
    Hugs,
    J.

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    1. Thank you Jackie
      You are so kind, as are all my blogging buddies

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  44. Replies
    1. Thank You Cherry,
      I am managing quite well but I still miss Maria so much and always will.

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  45. Eddie:

    Why not take pen in hand, so to speak, and let us know about your recent days? Whatever you write - sad, hopeful, a mingling of varied thoughts and emotions - it will be read with kindness by us all, and appreciated. You're "family" to many of us, you know...

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    1. Thanks Jim, as Arnold says, "I WILL BE BACK!" Stand by world LOL

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  46. Eddie, I totally agree with Suldog. You're much loved by many of us.

    Hugs

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    1. Thanks Hilary, yes I will return and I am so fortunate to have such a large blogging family. Hugs

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  47. Dearest Eddie,

    My heart absolutely aches for you and your children, for even though death is a certainty, it cuts as no knife when it comes.

    You will recover, not only because of your resilience and your faith, but also because of your life with Maria. Her history prepared you for this, inasmuch as one can be prepared. You were...are...part of something very special, for while 40-year relationships are not unique, 40- year LOVES are something of a rarity.

    Blessed is the word. Both of you...all of you...blessed.

    Take care, my friend.

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    1. Thank you my dear, dear friend. Yours kind comment is so much appreciated, as are all like comments from my BlogLand friends. Hugs

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  48. Eddie, I've come over from Adventures of Fred and Ethel, after reading what ethelmaepotter wrote about you and your wife. It's never too late to extend sympathy, so I'm extending mine to you these four months after the death of your wife. May God continue to grant you comfort and encouragement until the day He calls you home and you see your dear wife once again.

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    1. Thank you Linda for these very kind words. Maria is in a much better place and I know that in maybe 10 years, 20 years or perhaps 30 years I will be with her again. That is NOTHING compared with an eternal life together.

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  49. I am so sorry for your loss, Eddie. May God be with you.

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  50. Oh Eddie, my heart hurts for you. I am so sorry for the pain you have been through. My prayers and thoughts are with you. May God bless you with comfort and peace.

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  51. Dear Eddie.....What a terrible loss and heartache you have endured. I had no idea as I have been gone from the blogging world for so long. Your journey was a long one together and you honored her until the very end. I can't imagine what you must be going through and when I think of you cuddling her nightgown I could weep. May you feel her spirit always with you and, as you say, you will have a lovely reunion one day and she is now fully healed. May your heart eventually follow and be healed as well, though a hollow place will always remain that belonged only to her. Love and prayers from this long lost California girl. Thanks so much for visiting me, ESPECIALLY under the circumstances.

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  52. Eddie, your wife was beautiful! Thank you for sharing these very intimate moments with us. May her soul rest in peasce.

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