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Tuesday, 15 September 2009

The Wizard Of Oz - Suldog's Plan

This tale was first filmed in ONE NINE THREE NINE
But because it was flat I've rewritten each line
It now has some bite and lots of appeal
It has horror! . . . . romance! . . . . great fun! . . . . and zeal!

I'll beef up those Munchkins that some find pathetic!
They made some folk sleep, without anaesthetic.
They'll not prance around to a silly brass band
There'll be music and singing in stereo sound!

I'll have you all dangling at the edge of your chair
With a new look approach - and a breath of fresh air
There'll be riveting, seat gripping fear and suspense
Of things good and bad things - and those on the fence.

Just now I'm uncertain of just how I'll cope
To create a blockbuster, but I live in hope . . . .
I'll get you all laughing and keep you in stitches
With all the additional people and witches.
(I hope! . . . . . Here goes!!)
---------

Welcome to Oz - a land we know well, for it is blog land in which we all live. The land is in futility because it is in the hands of the wicked witch of the East who has overcome the mysterious Wizard of Oz.

He has escaped but just who is he?

None other than our own David disguised as Professor Marvel, a travelling Fortune Teller in the first instance, and ALL his 943 followers (sorry 944) have been taken under the heel of the wicked witch of the East's evil spell and they are all held captive in her tower.
Her sister, the wicked witch of the West is jealous and eagerly awaits her chance to overcome her and claim her power over the Munchkins and ultimately the whole of Oz. She reveals her true identity - she, or should I say he (at present no-one knows for sure) is non other than that mean, wicked, uncouth, evil, clever, 'modest', otherwise likeable wizard disguised as a witch. . . . . .

Suldog, who if he cannot get his evil way will turn us all into frogs!
__________________

The scene opens with three witches in a secret castle, deep inside the western section of Oz.
Enter Suldog, Lakeviewer and Crystal Jigsaw


Suldog - "What say ye, brethren, am I not the greatest witch of all? - Speak, but let me hear an answer I wouldst like for my wrath is like a whirlwind when I am displeased.
Speak my Lady Lakeviewer, for your comments are usually regarded as the pinnacle of intelligence within all blogland - speak forthwith and let me hear your wisdom - and comment if thou wouldst!"
.
Lakeviewer - "Good lady (or are you a gentleman?) If ye seek my opinion I wouldst refer you to our other friend here, for she has the power to look into things to come - ask the Lady Crystal Jigsaw for she and non other will answer you wisely for she has the future in her sparkling crystal orb within her hands of crystal!"

Suldog - "Crystal Jigsaw standing near that wall
Who is the strongest and meanest witch of all?"

Crystal - "Good Sir! for I think you are really a wizard
You'll like not what you hear and you'll be wanting my gizzard!
For you are but the wicked witch of the West
And not the strongest, as per your request.

She is thy sister, the witch of the East
And she wears cherry red shoes and is truly a beast!
For all in blogland are held in her power
They cry in her prison and are locked in her tower!"
.
Suldog - "What! by all the saints on tricycles, why dost thou dare say I am not number one in Oz - it is my right.
I SHALL BE the greatest witch in Blogland - how dare you say I am not!
I shall have you tongues for this!
Yet good Crystal what is that I see within your glass jigsaw? I see a vision of some beings there! Lakeviewer, you are all knowing - who are these people and tell me how can I get more power to satisfy my quest?"
.
Lakeviewer - The way to get you infinite power is to kill that sister of yours and take her cherry red shoes for your own, click your heels and all blogland will come within your power - those people you see in Crystal Jigsaw's mirror are merely puppets and instruments whereby ye shall obtain your heart's desire.
.
Suldog - Yes I could do with those red shoes to go with my Boston Red Sox - But tarry a while! Who are these little, weak and wretched beings that even a small Breeze could blow over? Speak to me of this for I wouldst know - and now!
.
Crystal - I see them all but alas just in black and white, my master.
They are all in Kansas, three farm hand fools calling themselves Hickory, Hunk and Zeke.
I see a young lady called Dorothy, her dog, Toto TinkaBell and her Auntie Em and Uncle Henry.
And . . . . wait I see one likened to yourself, my master, an ugly townswoman, Miss Almira Gulch riding a strange bicycle - and that brat dog, Toto TinkaBell, has just bitten her and she has just 'clouted' the dog on the back of the head with a rake. She wants him destroyed and has got a court order to take him away and she has placed him in a basket on her bicycle.
My word Suldog - she looks just like you!! Is she you?
It must be you, master, or is it mistress?
.
Suldog - That's for me to know and you to wonder! I think master will suffice! Speak, woman, what has all this to do with the plot?
.
Crystal Jigsaw - I wish sometimes I was still a farmer's wife on my farm in Northumberland before you 'processed' me (and Lakeviewer for that matter), but let me consult my crystal to answer thee.
.
Dorothy, that little Teacher's Pet, will be useful to you at the start for she shall cause thy sister's death. Yet watch her companions like a hawk and watch her at the end! - those three stupid farm hands, especially that brainless straw scare crow, shall all be a thorn in your side! Yet their threat shall be managed if you take care.
You must get Dorothy's house here in blogland for it shall fall from the sky, land on your sister, squash her and . . . . kill her!"
.
Suldog - Goodie! Goodie! But how the 'ell am I going to do that?
Yet wait - I see my chance for I shall confiscate this dog, Toto Tinkabell and bargain for those cherry red shoes.
I shall cause fury and a whirlwind - a Tornado in Kansas - that will do the trick - and when that witch is killed by that house I shall have her cherry red shoes and I shall take over those captives in my sister's tower and hunt down and capture that camera crazy Aussie from Melbourne who leads them - and I shall keep them ALL locked in my tower and in my total power! heee! hee! heee!
.
Yet I shall show a little mercy for this weak and feeble Melbourne man. When I have him captive I shall grant him title "The Wizard Of Oz" - a title of authority with no power - or shall he be "The Wizard of Aus" ?
.
Hee! heee! hee!
We shall see!!
.
CRASH OF THUNDER!
.
Suldog - Yet there's one more thing I do require
Extra to red shoes to give me power
I must Eddie's blue flashing eyes
To capture ladies' hearts and sighs.
.
For I am jealous of their attention
They afford to him at their invention!
Lakeviewer, I ask you to devise a plan
To trap and snare this ladies' man!
.
Lakeviewer - His weakness is a pretty face
His legs go weak and his pulses race.
His comments to Lady Marguerite
Make it clear she's up his street!
.
If you can get her to entice him
With her shrimps she may well spice 'im
Then just when he expects signs of rapture
Ye step in and him ye capture!
.
Suldog - I like your plan - I do indeed
Summon her and say she's freed
For I think she is the very key
And to do it I think she will agree.
.
Lady Marguerite was pushed and prodded
And reluctantly she agreed and nodded.
Yet silent thoughts came fast and steady
That she would like to meet cher Eddie.
.
For he had left some comments pleasing
On her posts she thought were teasing!
She wondered if these were kind of spurious
And she was becoming very curious!
.
Suldog - And now with all this set in motion
I will deal this deadly potion
For l will wreak full retribution
For those involved in this solution
.
Of causing a little babe with duck
When a man to change my luck
By picking up an evil wand
Someone had planted by my hand

No sooner than I picked it up and switched
I was changed and was bewitched.

Lakeviewer and Crystal Jigsaw - "You were indeed a lovely baby - why the change do you suppose?

Suldog - "I experimented with this wand I found - see my nervous look - I think it was once a dispicable object and was a little nervous of using it. Someone place it there and tricked me! But it was very powerful and turned me into my present form - I love it and I hate it for different reasons.

Someone will pay dearly for this, mark my words and it shall be those three whom I shall meet at the appointed hour and this chaos has the hallmarks of Bluelights written all over it.

I blame mostly that character Bluelights whom I liken to that irritating "Hunk" - he looks completely brainless and is but a simple Scarecrow made of straw . . . . . and that other character "Hickory" looks a bit 'canned' and he walks with a stiff cadence and to me he is a Tin Woodman with an axe and an oil can. His heart is not in him at all. And that other fellow, "Zeke" the one with the yellow streak down his back, to me he looks like a Cowardly Lion with no courage.

When we meet them I decree let it be as I say
So let it be written, so let it be done!!
My wand will cause this miracle before your very eyes!

Now I shall terminate this meeting my sisters
I bid you good day, my ladies and misters.
And when these matters yet come to pass
Let's hope we don't slip up and fall on our ass!"

All three round a cauldron:
"When shall we three meet again?
In thunder, lightning, or in rain?
When the hurlyburly's done,
When the battle's lost and won.
. . . . . . .
Double, double toil and trouble;
Fire burn, and cauldron bubble.
- heee! heee! heee! heee!
CRASH OF THUNDER!!!!
Curtain!
______________________________________
Tune in next week for the next gripping installment, press HERE
.
When will Dorothy show up?
.
When will Eddie show up?
.
Just who is this witch who calls herself, The Not Always Good but Not Always Bad either Witch of the North East?
.
OR is this a wind up??
.
Will Suldog succeed?
.
Where is Glinda and who are her companions?
.
And why does everyone love Eddie? .
Because I''m writing it of course!!! The pen is indeed mightier than the sword! or the wand!!
____________________________________________
Regarding the timing of this series of posts I must be a touch psychic!!
I am grateful to my good friend Jackie for pointing out that this month and year is the 70th anniversary of the original film's debut . . . . . and that
there is a version of Oz is coming out this month in theatres in High Definition!!http://www.fandango.com/thewizardofoz70thanniversaryhidefevent_126537/movieoverview?date=9/23/2009
(Press HERE for Episode 2)

68 comments:

  1. LOL...Love your final punchline, Sir Scarecrow!! Once again, sheer brilliance!!! I so LOVE the poetic form!!!! And you have crafted a very compelling adaptation of a very famous tale!!! I await in eager anticipation for further installments...And Jim's photo? How did you come by such a perfect shot for the post? I can't imagine Suldog agreed to this!!!!! Glad you posted this today as I am holding myself to commenting only two days/week...and this was my second day of commenting for this week!!! AND I would not have missed this for the world!!! You've got a blockbuster on your hands here, Sir! ~Janine

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  2. Janine...don't even ask about the photo of Suldog...don't go there...better left alone...right, Eddie? :))
    What a GREAT job, Eddie....love the poetry...love the story, and I can tell you've put some blood, sweat and straw, er, tears into it.
    What a 'hunk' you are....just ask Lady Marguerite and all the other lovely ladies of blogland.
    .S. I love the "Wizard of Aus"....
    U so clevuh!
    Smiles,
    Jackie

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  3. I wonder if you actually carry a pen and paper with you in that ambulance! I tell you I got a bit nervous when the wand was pulled out! I am anxiously awaiting the next installment!
    Love Di

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  4. Amazing, Captivating, Hilarious, Brilliant, Fabulous, Incredible, Fantastic, Witty, & Clever! You hunk, you!!! Cheers, here's to you, cher!!! Can't wait till the next one!!!

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  5. Eddie, you have outdone yourself Sir, brilliant my man!....so looking forward to the continuing saga.....oh and suldog, now he is quite scary.........:-) Hugs

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  6. Does Suldog know about this?
    Keep that wand well away from MY blog!

    Funny but scary. Wonder who else will be in it?
    I expect you will make us all wait weeks for the next instalment!

    Hope you are concentrating in that ambulance and not too busy thinking out your lines....... oops! Another patient down the yellow brick road!

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  7. A note to Suldog - Non of this is your fault - you are a nice chap really, Jim. Hey everyone - he's a great guy really, folks!!

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  8. You've done it again Eddie, wound us all up and clinching our jaws in anticipation of the next installment!

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  9. This is definitely a scary tale
    One that might even make us wail
    Hopefully the bad guys will not get too tough
    Or the villagers will come with words that are rough.

    We'll all wait on the edge of our seat
    To see who will win and thereby defeat
    All the naughty people in black
    So they'll truly come back
    Wearing nothing but white
    Cuz wrong is wrong and it ain't right.

    Gotta stop myself or this may never end...uh oh...did I get too close to that wand?

    blessings,

    marcy

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  10. Eddie, You are a creative genius! This is great and it was fun to see Suldog and Rosaria here! Can't wait to see where things go. The part about David really made me laugh too.

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  11. Ah Ha! Finally Act I Scene I. I love your prose, Mr strawman-

    Looking forward to the next installment. Curious to see who you've cast for which role.

    Ciao sparkles
    Lola

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  12. Well Eddie...I am really getting caught up in this complicated tale of Blog land...love the rhyming...and Suldog is scary.

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  13. I tell you, Eddie....that is one scary-looking witch at the top of this blog....and the green-faced lady with the black pointy hat is kind of scary too! (You know I had to say it!! You know I had to!) I'm checking in....and loving the comments you're getting...rightfully so...and yes, Jim is being a good sport about all this! Marcy's poem is priceless...glad she stopped...I wouldn't have had a chance to comment here!!! Guess you know who this is by now. If your blog didn't allow anonymous blogs, I would just be lurking....but I am commenting!!!
    Take care, Mr. Blue Eyes...
    ~Jackie~

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  14. Already your intro is causing quite a blog buzz!
    Suldog's photo - brilliant!
    (thank goodness, I was not missing any cutlery in my kitchen ;-)

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  15. Another masterpiece! I am beginning to think you skive each day, and spend it in some corner scribbling away.

    Love Granny

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  16. We would like to invite you to visit our weblog at http://kunfayakuun.my-place.us now.
    Thanks a lot and GBU!

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  17. Wanda - Could we borrow your wanda, please? We are a bit short since I have to creat millions of witches to get you all in - "abra-ca-dabrah".
    I will reply to you all, you lovely creatures in due course. I am crashing on with part 2 and having to rewrite the story to accomodate all the witches - perhaps I could make some 'Siamese twins' - Glad you think it is wizard so far! ~ Eddie

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  18. Thanks for posting the badge pet. Yep, that's the size. Like good wine, it comes in small barrels. (Italian saying)

    Wait~ did you say you cast me as Magnetic North WHAT? ...on second thought, OK thanks, I like that.

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  19. lol. great first installment Eddie...my that must have taken a bit of work...i seem to remember a post on Suldogs page about that wand...lol. great stuff.

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  20. Eddie! You are too much (and I mean that in the nicest way.) I am awed (odd?) to be given such a large role in this (despite the fact that my sex is questionable, and I seem to remember my wand looking a slight bit different, but no matter.) Brilliant, and I desperately needed the good laugh. Do feel free to use me in whatever way you see fit, my pretty!

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  21. Hello everyone - what a lot of nice comments from my loveky friends:

    Janine - Gret you are back and I have missed your comments a lot - I value them highly - thank you.

    Jackie - Glad you think I am a Hunk - really boosts my ego!! And thank you for your comments - as you can see later Jim is not worried about me using the photo - in fact you might say I've cleaned it up!!

    Diana - I have been known to scibble a little on ocassions whilst waiting for patients.

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  22. Hi Eddie...no wonder everyone loves you so much! You are just SO creative! Great Story..can't wait to hear more! I loved Marcy's poem too!
    This was great!
    Jerelene :)

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  23. Marguerite - Well hello! Such acolades! I must have made an impression!! Hmm! . . . and to be called a Hunk! Well I am encouraged!! Your chucky puncky is signing off until we meet again! Thanks a lot my little green eyes!

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  24. Bernie - Thank you very much and glad you are enjoying it - it will be hard to keep it going but I will try.

    Maggie May - Jim is OK about the photos - one is much tamer than it used to be and thanks for flogging through it all and your comments

    Gaston - Jane - thank you - I am working hard on the next installment and planning your grand entrance, fitting for one so eminent who has socialised with film stars.

    Blessings - Marcy, I am impressed with your verse writing ability. I man draft you in to do a couple of episodes. LOL

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  25. Isn't it nice to be fawned over!
    Your blog is quite impressive. It would be an honor if you'd check out mine.
    http://www.boomerpie.com/

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  26. Lola - Thanks you for flying in all the way from Italy (twice) - you know I always love having you here and you are most welcome with regard to me displaying your badge - best of luck with the new film ~ Eddie x

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  27. Brian - Glad to have you aboad as the Lion Man and you really must pluck up some courage for the task ahead LOL.
    Also I am en(couraged) by your kind comment.

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  28. Lakeviewer - What an achievement! Lakeviewer speechless - impossibe!! LOL.
    Things are not quite as they seem - there is a large twist at the end to this story

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  29. The Things we Carried - Meredith, what will the things be this time you will be carrying I wonder - not knuckledusters, flicknives or bicycle chains I hope. Just carry your lovely self and we shall resume our sweet conversation we had during our last Brief Encounter - I can hear Rachmaninov as I type!!

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  30. The Girl From Cherry Blossom Street - Cherry, thank you for your comment and I look forward to writing some beautiful things about a beautiful girl with cherry red boots and a beautiful white dress.

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  31. Granny - always wonderful to recieve a comment from one of my favourite ladies - remember you were my first!! (I should say the first person to ever comment on any of my work - thank you)

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  32. Suldog - Thanks for your permission to 'take the mick out of you' - actually I won't because you are a nice chap really - but there will be a big battle between us on the set. Glad you like it - hope I can keep it all going!! HELP!!

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  33. Jelelene - thank you for your kind words and yes I have made some great friends

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  34. Kun and Boomer Pie - I will visit when I can - thanks for your visit

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  35. Oh Eddie! I love this! So much fun! I cannot wait for the next one! You were right...certainly cheered up my lonely night though I made it to my book reading after all so not such a disappointing day! But this is the cherry on the sundae!

    xxx
    Breeze

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  36. Just came by to see if the Scarecrow had made his appearance yet...waiting in suspense for the next installment!!! Hugs, Janine

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  37. Wiz...I don't know why my photo isn't showing up...I have my profile enabled, and it's showing up on everyone else's blog. Has the 'magic' already started....and I'm now turning to a Red "X"..? :)) I've done all I know to do to make it show up again in the above post. Not sure whether it will in this one or not...will see in a moment when I post this comment.
    I hope that you know that you are infamous...errr...wait...famous! Yes, you are.
    Smiles from Jackie

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  38. Breeze - Glad you 'breezed' in - it's always great to see you and glad you like the play. I hope part 2 will be ready soon.

    Sniffle & Smiles - Thanks Janine for calling - as we way WIP - work in progress - hope to post in a few days.

    Teacher's Pet - Jackie, your old blog code will not be recognised - hence the X-rated picture on your comments called 'Jackie'. However new one seems to be working fine - I must have said 'abra-ca-dabra' in my sleep. Glad you altered 'infamous' tp 'famous' although of course I may end up 'famously infamous'!

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  39. Bravo! Bravo!^^haha! this is such great fun, can't stop smiling while I read through!'Hope the wait for the next installment wont be loooonggg!!!^^ kisses!***

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  40. Sassy - Great of you to stop by and I am glad you are enjoying the play - and you are so very generous with your kisses - accepted with wild enthusiasm LOL Hope hubby has a good sense of humour, if not I'm dead! ~ Eddie x

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  41. It's taken me a while but the crystal ball told me to look in on your blog today. Flashing blue lights were visible. You're very clever you know.

    CJ xx

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  42. Crystal - Great to have your visit and a bit of fun lies ahead for us all. Trouble is I need a crystal ball on both sides - you might have to be a double agent! ~ Bless you darling ~ Eddie x

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  43. Great job, Eddie!! So fun!! Can't wait to read what's coming next!!

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  44. Cheffie-Mom ~ Thanks Debbie - oh what a tangled web I weave!!! I'm getting dizzy writing it - feel so sorry for you lot having to read it!! LOL

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  45. wow, what an undertaking! But you're just the "hunk" to do it.

    On a kinda sorta related note, The Wizard of Oz is coming to Memphis and I managed to bamboozle my husband into taking me for a Christmas gift. How lucky am I?!!?

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  46. Come on, Eddie, tell us a tale! here we wait, suspended in BlogOzLand, by your very self! In honor of you and friendship across the world, I have just finished listening to this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kbZYzoidkYU&feature=related
    Cheers! Write on :)!

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  47. The Things We Carried - Meredith, how very romantic of you! We shall meet in blogland soon!Not sure whether I can wear my uniform as a strawman but as I'm writing it all things are possible.

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  48. Sarah - Great to see you and what I've seen about how you write I think I'll have you on my side - much too dangerous to have you as my foe - anyway you are far too nice for that!

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  49. I wait impatiently to follow along on the yellow brick road. You are way too clever with your flashing blue lights, you know!

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  50. Kathy's Klothesline - Looking forward to 'hanging around' with you in the story - thanks for the visit ~ Eddie

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  51. Eternally Distracted - I don't know which pleases me more to be called very, very cool or to be called a young man. Glad you like it and thank you.

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  52. Hi folks - I had hoped to post the second installment tonight but blogger let me down badly and 'froze' locking out a large section of verse which I shall have to do again. I must save as I go - as I do sometimes when commenting. Back to the drawing board.

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  53. Hey Eddie! Pardon me for my late entry here! As always your sense of humor rocks!! Your imagination and creativity is beyond outstanding Eddie. Loved this :D

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  54. Tranquility - Meant a lot to see this comment - I value it highly. You should somewhere in the next episode just after the house lands on the witch of the East - I hope!! - having to move thigs around a bit as more friends come in and weird ideas develop ~ Eddie x

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  55. Great to read you back on my blog eddie...and thank you for the honour of being a follower!!

    I loved this instalment, Suldog is my hero!!


    'Hey ho, hey ho...we'll be back soon!!'

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  56. Saz - Great to have you comment and looking forward to Fat, Frumpy and Fifty having a tantrum in the next installment - should be a good laugh

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  57. Ahh...The Wonderful World of Bluelights! and in verse - much more than I was expecting.

    Delightful, of course
    As you did with the horse!

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  58. GOAW - Michael, thank you for that - it appears we and Brian have a huge task on our hands to defeat the forces of evil ~ Eddie

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  59. Just looking to see what's happening in Oz, my friend!!!! Hugs, Janine

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  60. Stopping by to say hello!! enJOY your day!!

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  61. Thank you Ribbon, Janine and Debbie - I should be able to post the second episode tonight but I AM DEVESTATED that David has quit blogging but understand why. My story will have to go on even though he is a main character - I am cintinuing in honour of you David

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  62. Hi Eddie, thanks for letting me know that the Wizard of OZ is on line.
    It's so much fun, you are too good my friend. I love your poetry and your prose is rocking. I am off to read the second part..!
    The suspence is thrilling to say the least, keep it going!

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  63. Inrospection - Thank you and I value your comment very highly as I know your are a blogger of note.

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  64. Eddie, it takes me a while but when I come, I am rewarded. You are one of a kind. And now, onto the next.

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  65. Woman in a Window - Erin, I am thrilled you popped over and thanks for your encouraging comment - highly valued

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Thank you for your comment. You are most welcome to my humble abode.