The Wizard Of Oz - Suldog's Plan

This tale was first filmed in ONE NINE THREE NINE
But because it was flat I've rewritten each line
It now has some bite and lots of appeal
It has horror! . . . . romance! . . . . great fun! . . . . and zeal!

I'll beef up those Munchkins that some find pathetic!
They made some folk sleep, without anaesthetic.
They'll not prance around to a silly brass band
There'll be music and singing in stereo sound!

I'll have you all dangling at the edge of your chair
With a new look approach - and a breath of fresh air
There'll be riveting, seat gripping fear and suspense
Of things good and bad things - and those on the fence.

Just now I'm uncertain of just how I'll cope
To create a blockbuster, but I live in hope . . . .
I'll get you all laughing and keep you in stitches
With all the additional people and witches.

(I hope! . . . . . Here goes!!)

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Welcome to Oz - a land we know well, for it is blog land in which we all live. The land is in futility because it is in the hands of the wicked witch of the East who has overcome the mysterious Wizard of Oz.

He has escaped but just who is he?

None other than our own David disguised as Professor Marvel, a travelling Fortune Teller in the first instance, and ALL his 943 followers (sorry 944) have been taken under the heel of the wicked witch of the East's evil spell and they are all held captive in her tower.

Her sister, the wicked witch of the West is jealous and eagerly awaits her chance to overcome her and claim her power over the Munchkins and ultimately the whole of Oz. She reveals her true identity - she, or should I say he (at present no-one knows for sure) is non other than that mean, wicked, uncouth, evil, clever, 'modest', otherwise likeable wizard disguised as a witch. . . . . .

Suldog, who if he cannot get his evil way will turn us all into frogs!

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The scene opens with three witches in a secret castle, deep inside the western section of Oz.
Enter Suldog, Lakeviewer and Crystal Jigsaw

Suldog - "What say ye, brethren, am I not the greatest witch of all? - Speak, but let me hear an answer I wouldst like for my wrath is like a whirlwind when I am displeased.
Speak my Lady Lakeviewer, for your comments are usually regarded as the pinnacle of intelligence within all blogland - speak forthwith and let me hear your wisdom - and comment if thou wouldst!"
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Lakeviewer - "Good lady (or are you a gentleman?) If ye seek my opinion I wouldst refer you to our other friend here, for she has the power to look into things to come - ask the Lady Crystal Jigsaw for she and non other will answer you wisely for she has the future in her sparkling crystal orb within her hands of crystal!"

Suldog - "Crystal Jigsaw standing near that wall
Who is the strongest and meanest witch of all?"

Crystal - "Good Sir! for I think you are really a wizard
You'll like not what you hear and you'll be wanting my gizzard!
For you are but the wicked witch of the West
And not the strongest, as per your request.

She is thy sister, the witch of the East
And she wears cherry red shoes and is truly a beast!
For all in blogland are held in her power
They cry in her prison and are locked in her tower!"

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Suldog - "What! by all the saints on tricycles, why dost thou dare say I am not number one in Oz - it is my right.

I SHALL BE the greatest witch in Blogland - how dare you say I am not!

I shall have you tongues for this!

Yet good Crystal what is that I see within your glass jigsaw? I see a vision of some beings there! Lakeviewer, you are all knowing - who are these people and tell me how can I get more power to satisfy my quest?"
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Lakeviewer - The way to get you infinite power is to kill that sister of yours and take her cherry red shoes for your own, click your heels and all blogland will come within your power - those people you see in Crystal Jigsaw's mirror are merely puppets and instruments whereby ye shall obtain your heart's desire.

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Suldog - Yes I could do with those red shoes to go with my Boston Red Sox - But tarry a while! Who are these little, weak and wretched beings that even a small Breeze could blow over? Speak to me of this for I wouldst know - and now!

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Crystal - I see them all but alas just in black and white, my master.

They are all in Kansas, three farm hand fools calling themselves Hickory, Hunk and Zeke.

I see a young lady called Dorothy, her dog, Toto TinkaBell and her Auntie Em and Uncle Henry.

And . . . . wait I see one likened to yourself, my master, an ugly townswoman, Miss Almira Gulch riding a strange bicycle - and that brat dog, Toto TinkaBell, has just bitten her and she has just 'clouted' the dog on the back of the head with a rake. She wants him destroyed and has got a court order to take him away and she has placed him in a basket on her bicycle.

My word Suldog - she looks just like you!! Is she you?

It must be you, master, or is it mistress?

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Suldog - That's for me to know and you to wonder! I think master will suffice! Speak, woman, what has all this to do with the plot?

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Crystal Jigsaw - I wish sometimes I was still a farmer's wife on my farm in Northumberland before you 'processed' me (and Lakeviewer for that matter), but let me consult my crystal to answer thee.

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Dorothy, that little Teacher's Pet, will be useful to you at the start for she shall cause thy sister's death. Yet watch her companions like a hawk and watch her at the end! - those three stupid farm hands, especially that brainless straw scare crow, shall all be a thorn in your side! Yet their threat shall be managed if you take care.

You must get Dorothy's house here in blogland for it shall fall from the sky, land on your sister, squash her and . . . . kill her!"

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Suldog - Goodie! Goodie! But how the 'ell am I going to do that?

Yet wait - I see my chance for I shall confiscate this dog, Toto Tinkabell and bargain for those cherry red shoes.

I shall cause fury and a whirlwind - a Tornado in Kansas - that will do the trick - and when that witch is killed by that house I shall have her cherry red shoes and I shall take over those captives in my sister's tower and hunt down and capture that camera crazy Aussie from Melbourne who leads them - and I shall keep them ALL locked in my tower and in my total power! heee! hee! heee!

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Yet I shall show a little mercy for this weak and feeble Melbourne man. When I have him captive I shall grant him title "The Wizard Of Oz" - a title of authority with no power - or shall he be "The Wizard of Aus" ?

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Hee! heee! hee!
We shall see!!

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CRASH OF THUNDER!

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Suldog - Yet there's one more thing I do require
Extra to red shoes to give me power

I must Eddie's blue flashing eyes

To capture ladies' hearts and sighs.

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For I am jealous of their attention

They afford to him at their invention!

Lakeviewer, I ask you to devise a plan

To trap and snare this ladies' man!

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Lakeviewer - His weakness is a pretty face
His legs go weak and his pulses race.
His comments to Lady Marguerite
Make it clear she's up his street!

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If you can get her to entice him
With her shrimps she may well spice 'im
Then just when he expects signs of rapture
Ye step in and him ye capture!

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Suldog - I like your plan - I do indeed
Summon her and say she's freed
For I think she is the very key
And to do it I think she will agree.

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Lady Marguerite was pushed and prodded

And reluctantly she agreed and nodded.

Yet silent thoughts came fast and steady

That she would like to meet cher Eddie.

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For he had left some comments pleasing

On her posts she thought were teasing!

She wondered if these were kind of spurious

And she was becoming very curious!

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Suldog - And now with all this set in motion

I will deal this deadly potion

For l will wreak full retribution

For those involved in this solution

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Of causing a little babe with duck

When a man to change my luck

By picking up an evil wand

Someone had planted by my hand

No sooner than I picked it up and switched
I was changed and was bewitched.

Lakeviewer and Crystal Jigsaw - "You were indeed a lovely baby - why the change do you suppose?

Suldog - "I experimented with this wand I found - see my nervous look - I think it was once a dispicable object and was a little nervous of using it. Someone place it there and tricked me! But it was very powerful and turned me into my present form - I love it and I hate it for different reasons.

Someone will pay dearly for this, mark my words and it shall be those three whom I shall meet at the appointed hour and this chaos has the hallmarks of Bluelights written all over it.

I blame mostly that character Bluelights whom I liken to that irritating "Hunk" - he looks completely brainless and is but a simple Scarecrow made of straw . . . . . and that other character "Hickory" looks a bit 'canned' and he walks with a stiff cadence and to me he is a Tin Woodman with an axe and an oil can. His heart is not in him at all. And that other fellow, "Zeke" the one with the yellow streak down his back, to me he looks like a Cowardly Lion with no courage.

When we meet them I decree let it be as I say

So let it be written, so let it be done!!

My wand will cause this miracle before your very eyes!

Now I shall terminate this meeting my sisters

I bid you good day, my ladies and misters.

And when these matters yet come to pass
Let's hope we don't slip up and fall on our ass!"

All three round a cauldron:

"When shall we three meet again?
In thunder, lightning, or in rain?
When the hurlyburly's done,
When the battle's lost and won.

. . . . . . .
Double, double toil and trouble;

Fire burn, and cauldron bubble.

- heee! heee! heee! heee!

CRASH OF THUNDER!!!!

Curtain!

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Tune in next week for the next gripping installment, press HERE

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When will Dorothy show up?

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When will Eddie show up?

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Just who is this witch who calls herself, The Not Always Good but Not Always Bad either Witch of the North East?

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OR is this a wind up??

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Will Suldog succeed?

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Where is Glinda and who are her companions?

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And why does everyone love Eddie? .

Because I''m writing it of course!!! The pen is indeed mightier than the sword! or the wand!!

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Regarding the timing of this series of posts I must be a touch psychic!!

I am grateful to my good friend Jackie for pointing out that this month and year is the 70th anniversary of the original film's debut . . . . . and that

there is a version of Oz is coming out this month in theatres in High Definition!!http://www.fandango.com/thewizardofoz70thanniversaryhidefevent_126537/movieoverview?date=9/23/2009

(Press HERE for Episode 2)