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Wednesday 14 April 2010

Why Is Eddie, The First Bionic Man, Taking Rat Poison?

We Can Rebuild Him

I can just hear you all saying. "Where's Eddie been?" "What's he up to?" "Is he up to his old tricks?" "Has he started doing new tricks?" Well folks I have been very busy and not blogging much except for a short spurt last week. But I have been cooking and serving roasts for you every week and there are some great ones in the oven - so please tune in, regularly.

However, resuming the subject of my hip and operation I can still hear the words ringing through my ears as I lay just alive in the operating theatre.

"Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the technology. We have the capability to make the first Bionic Man. Eddie will be that man! We will make him better than he was before! Better! Stronger! Faster!"They must have been joking!!! For a start they forgot my X-Ray eye and my electronic circuitry. I have not yet felt anywhere near six million dollars at any stage since they gave me my 'bionic' hip LOL. I shall not tell you what else they replaced! All that seems to have come true is the slow motion sequences. These are real to me but it would be easier for me to Riverdance than to try the quick stuff just yet.

However, I am speeding up and I am overjoyed to convey that I am no longer overtaken whilst walking by a little old lady with a walking stick, as I was to my extreme embarrassment on my first maiden voyage, when using two sticks. That was a month ago and since then I have thrown one of the sticks away and I carry the other just in case. I have looked out for that individual so we can have a decisive 'burn up' along a fast straight section of pavement. She has not shown up as yet for the re-match.

Before I proceed further with my narrative concerning my latest hip news, I must say for those who do not like hospital things like ER, Casualty and Holby City, there is an alternative read and view on my second highly extrovert blog, Plato's Procrastinations, where I treat the world to three YouTube classics of a great British comedian, Dick Emery, little know in America and who sadly died in 1983. He pulled in 17 million viewers a week with his fabulous show with the inspired name, The Dick Emery Show (aren't I sarcastic?). I could do with some of his 17 million viewers to boost my flagging comments of late but alas I think a lot of these will have died as well (Dick's viewers and not my readers - hey wait a minute that could explain it!). So, my friends, particularly from across the pond - please tune in to Dick Emery by pressing HERE.

Oh! you might as well finish this first because I know you are hooked as to why Eddie the Bionic Man is taking rat poison, but when you do watch Dick Emery make sure you visit the bathroom first. So far we have one person admitting she has seen it but not admitting she laughed so hard she wet her pants! I know for a fact that another American lady has secretly visited it several times and she does just what I used to do in the cinema - watched it over and over again. Her husband must wonder why she never gets his tea ready and why she laughs so much at her lap top!!

(I will not say any more about my suspicions that maybe one person I know outside blogging might be pleased I am taking rat poison, but I think if they really thought hard they would know for certain I am not rat and I mean no harm to any one, nor have I ever done.)

Well it was my five week check up at the hospital. I was a little concerned that my left calf was swollen and very hard causing some discomfort. I knew I was not putting my feet up as much as I should which might be a contributory factor, but I suspected there was more to it than that. The fracture and orthopedic team were very pleased with my overall condition and mobility (nearly typed in nobility LOL) and they said I could now drive and have a shower and do this and do that - all huge strides for me in the improvement sphere. (In fact the only thing I cannot do myself now is put on my left sock - and of course attend to my toe nails etc.

Then they saw the lower leg and I saw the concern on their faces. They suspected Deep Vein Thrombosis and referred me to Ambulatory Care who arranged a scan. The main fear of course was the possibility of developing a pulmonary embolism as a consequence of Deep Vein Thrombosis which is quite common after leg surgery.

So to the scanning department I walked and on the way I popped into the hospital ward where I had stayed for three days. I saw Ed the physio man and a few nurses and I thanked them very much for looking after me. They we quite touched and said hardly anyone does that.

It was a very painful experience when they pressed the sensor hard into my groin, following the main left leg vein right down to my heel. They found a 3cm blood clot near the top of my leg which must have caused some restriction. They would not let me walk and I had to be wheeled back from the Vascular Studies Center who did the scan back to Ambulatory Care and a very friendly and likeable nursing sister waved me into the side ward in front of everyone in the queue and invited me to be seated in a very comfortable chair - I must have had my VIP vest on or something.

Anyway we got on like house on fire and she asked me how heavy I was and I told her, "Too heavy, 16 stones (224 lbs). Just fancy that I am exactly one tenth of a ton. Poor hips - both natural and artificial. The sister gave me the largest DVT pack which contained 150 mg syringes of heparin plus Warfarin (rat poison LOL). Both drugs are both designed to thin the blood and disperse blood clots. She showed me how to administer the heparin injections myself and got me to fold my surplus fat around my stomach (which we Brits call our spare tyre, always thought mine would come in useful one day) and she directed the point with us both holding the syringe into me. In jest I pointed out she had stabbed me!! She must have been particularly blood thirsty because to this day after all self administered 15 injections this alone is still bruised the most.

She said was quite confident I could manage the injections myself and she then asked me if I would be prepared to have a stomach/abdominal examination for a student nurse with her presiding to which I agreed. During the examination I was asked what the scars were around my abdomen to which I replied when I was three I had a double hernia and in my teens I had both my appendix's removed (yest I had two!) I said if I had another cut my stomach would fall out - this caused some amusement. Anyway I was pronounced a very fit man LOL. They both must require the services of SpecSavers!!

It has been almost 4 weeks since I started the DVT treatment and the swelling has gone down a lot, I do not have to inject myself any more because after a series of blood tests by my GP's they say the Warfarin alone is sufficient to do the job. The risk of a pulmonary embolism has diminished significantly and in a way I am pleased I am having this treatment because if there was any other trouble brewing undetected it will be dealt with as well.

As far as my mobility is concerned I am making very steady progress with a few dips along the way. I can walk about half a mile without using any stick (I carry one with me just in case). I can drive (for the last 3 weeks) and I can shower. and not just have strip washes. I continue with my physio therapy exercises before I go out walking. I think my leg is aligned slightly differently because my balance on my left leg is different, making it a little more difficult to walk in a straight line - no doubt people may think I am a little drunk LOL. Also I think there was some muscle wastage through the weeks of inactivity but I am working hard to exercise and get my walking right. All this is very encouraging because it is just over 8 weeks since I had my operation and I have come a long way on the road to recovery.

As for activities - I have cleaned our cars twice, mowed the lawn, done a little digging in the garden. I can now vacuum the house because I can support my weight on my new hip leg quite painlessly usually. I do get bad days though, as far as pain around the hip is concerned when I put weight on it - perhaps after doing too much the previous day.

Oh and now you know I am a bionic man thank you for all your ideas for my well being and your desires to see my name in lights. Someone suggested I use a motorised zimmer frame so I can overtake old ladies with walking sticks. One person is looking forward to seeing me in the next Olympic Games either Pole Vaulting or Triple Jumping (either brings tears to my eyes). Another was disappointed they did not see me in the Vancouver Winter Olympics ice skating with tripple toe loops and tripple axels (ouch!). Another wants me to jump over tall buildings like spider man.

Well it's been a long post today so I will spare you the video of the operation which I will show next time.

Oh and if you wish to see the Dick Emery clips here is the address again - press HERE. They're a riot.


  1. A long post, but well worth reading. I found myself smiling and giggling throughout, which I realize is not very respectful, given the seriousness of your condition; I will blame it on the happy drugs I'm taking.

    I'm not sure, but I think that your bionic parts would probably disqualify you from the Olympics. Sorry.

    May I suggest that for further rehabilitation you also take up dishwashing, laundry folding, dusting, cleaning windows, and making beds? I'm sure it would be helpful for your hip.

    (No thanks are necessary, Mrs. Bluelights.)

    And here in America, we also call our...uh...excess stomach skin...a spare tire. I have two spares. At least.

  2. Three spares here Eddie!! LOL!! And I am thrilled that you are recovering so well. Good for you!!

  3. Maybe you could be the founder of the bionic olympics??

  4. Now EthelMay, you are trying to make a bionic woman out of me, aren'y you? LOL
    Fair play - I should help more with the houshold chores!
    Did Mrs Bluelights put you up to this?

    I hope you are feeling better and best wishes to you - always great to 'see' you.

  5. so was it really 6 million to rebuild the bionic man...smiles. glad to red your progress...slow and steady bionic man...its a marathon not a sprint...

  6. Bionic man was my first crush!

    I remember he went through a tough time recovering and discovering his superpowers too.

  7. We're so glad that they have "poisoned" you...and that's because we love you ;-) Glad that the blood clot is dissolving...and that you are fit as a fiddle!! You will be leaping tall buildings in a single bound before we know it! Your post is delightfully newsy...and delivered with your usual fantastic wit! Always a pleasure to read Sir Eddie's posts! You are indeed a Comic Knight in Shining Armour...(note the inclusion of the letter "u" for Loved the Emery're terrific! Hugs and prayers for continued SPEEDY recovery (sorry...couldn't resist)! Love, Janine

  8. So glad to know that you're doing better, Steve Austin. You'll be leaping walls before you know it. :)

  9. Sorry you had such a rough time Eddie, I had no idea but I am pleased to read you are now doing very well. Keep up the good work my friend, hello to Maria and prayers for your both....:-) Hugs

  10. Glad the rat poison is doing its work. You know I still have some locked in the shed, from the rat problem that I had. Could have let you have it. :-)
    Glad you are progressing well. Hope we can meet up next week?
    Maggie X

    Nuts in May

  11. Eddie:

    So very glad to hear you're doing well - aside from the rat poison. Good read, of course, but I have to ask: TWO appendixes? Were you just having us on there or are you written up in medical journals somewhere from the days of your youth?

  12. Hi Jim

    I did have two appendixes! LOL
    I developed peritonitis when a lad of 13 on the little kink resembling an appendix located near the appendix. It was the day after a rubgy match at school when I scired three tries and kicked 3 conversions - one of my best games ever!!

    Next day I awoke in agony and was rushed to hospital and that afternoon they wipped both appendixes out. You never know I might have two hearts as well LOL

  13. Wow, Eddie, you've been busy! Glad the injections are past and you're moving around so well.

    You are so sweet to stop by the nursing station to say thinks. I'm sure they greatly appreciated your thoughtfulness.

    I've never heard of anyone having their appendix removed twice! You really are one in a million Eddie.

    Keep up the good work!
    xo jj

  14. I admire your humour and optimism!
    Do you ever get cranky? :-)
    I mean sticking needles to your abdomen can't be fun! ;-)
    Take your time recuperating!

  15. My new hip (5 years old) is great but now my knees are knackered. any suggestions!

  16. That was a truly well written post and I am sorry that you had to go through so much. I am happy that you've kept your humor intact. I must pick this trait from you :)

    I hope you are back to fighting fit in no time. Get well real soon Eddie :)

  17. Ken - I think you'll have to get some wheels! or maybe a knee replacement. Not sure the bionic programme can stand the expense.

    Great you hip is OK after 5 years. Should last a lot longer than that - maybe 20 years hopefully.

  18. Tranquility - Great to hear from you and thanks

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