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Wednesday 22 June 2011

How To Fix UK's Economy In One Hit

 Like the make-over and green rinse?  LOL

Now this is a series of Wizard ideas on how to revive our flagging economy here in the UK and I suspect elsewhere.  I received an email recently which forms the basis of this post but of course I have added other things, as I usually do. LOL  Please let us ALL write to the Prime Minister to try to knock some sense into Government Policy.

Ok -here we go!

Dear British Prime Minister

Please find below our suggestions for fixing the  UK 's economy.

Instead of giving billions of pounds to banks that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses instead of actually lending it to industry and would be home owners, use the following plan.   You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:

There are about 10 million people over 50 in the work force.

Pay them £1 million each severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:

1) They MUST retire..
Ten million job openings - unemployment fixed

2) They MUST buy a new British car.
Ten million cars ordered - Car Industry fixed

3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage -
Housing Crisis fixed

4) They MUST send their grand kids to
 school/college/university -
Crime rate fixed

5) They MUST buy £100 WORTH of alcohol/tobacco a week .....
And there's your money back in duty/tax etc

It can't get any easier than that!
With all those savings you can afford to pay £500K to those dear, poor retired people currently struggling on a mean and meagre state pension which you greedy so and sos tax.  This will in turn stimulate spending and assist greatly in reviving the economy.  However, if more money is needed to finance this, have all members of parliament pay back their falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances.

Stop ALL immigration immediately.
With our revived economy now flourishing stop ALL manufactured imports and start new manufacturing industries throughout UK and then we can start Exporting again and reduce our crippling balance of payments.

Leave Europe immediately and stand alone like Switzerland.  They are doing very nicely thank you!  Europe stinks!  If you must link with someone declare war on USA and surrender next day and become the 51st State.  Believe me! they love us, especially me, our history, our humour (or humor), the way we talk . . . . and petrol will come down in price from 137p per litre (over £5 per US Gallon) . . . . . golly there would be riots if they had to pay that!!

Stop immediately ALL Globalisation!!  It holds every country down!!  Let successful countries excel.
Also, Prime Minister……….. 

Let's put the pensioners in jail and the criminals in a nursing home.

This way the pensioners would have access to showers, hobbies and walks.

They'd receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs etc and they'd receive money instead of paying it out.

They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly, if they fell, or needed assistance.

Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them.

A guard would check on them every 20 minutes and bring their meals and snacks to their cell.

They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.

They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counselling, pool and education.

Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, PJ's and legal aid would be free, on request.

Private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard, with gardens.

Each senior could have a PC a TV radio and daily phone calls.

There would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and the guards would have a code of conduct that would be strictly adhered to.

The criminals would get cold food, be left all alone and unsupervised.. Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week.  Live in a tiny room and pay £600.00 per week and have no hope of ever getting out.

Think about this (more points of contention):

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Appleby almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the county of Cumbria?

And, they even tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 125,000 illegal immigrants wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.

Folks, if you think these ideas would work, please forward to everyone you know.

Think about this ... If you don't want to forward this for fear of offending someone -- YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM! It is time for us grumpy old folk of  Britain to speak up!


  1. I LOVE THIS!! I think this plan would be great for this side of the pond, especially the switch of old folks to jails and offenders to nursing homes!!

    I may have to link this on Facebook and see how far it gets =-)

  2. And here we thought that you were cutting your hair short and going blonde, not growing it long and going green! lol Wouldn't it just be so much easier to move to the U.S.? lol

  3. Great ways to make money, do something that you love is one of the ways to be successful in your life.

  4. This is great Eddie, when are you going to run for PM? With these solutions you would win in a minute. Hope you and your family are well my friend.....:-)Hugs

  5. I think it would be more economical for the Government to put us all down!!!!!
    Maybe you should sit for the next election!

    I was interested to read the comment by Anonymous BOYCOTT AMERICAN WOMEN! Only I think we all know women of all races who are like that!
    Maggie X

    Nuts in May

  6. Hi Eddie, hope I'm able to comment at last! I've had a lot of problems with blogger, couldn't publish or comment, do you have a solution for that? He he!!
    I saw that one about pensioners in an email before, it's very good. You should run for PM! I'd vote for you, if I had a vote!

  7. Hey Eddie, You're looking good in green!

    I'm always amazing when a government agency can trace an illness to such specific places but make such a mess out of so many other things. Sheesh.

    Hope you're enjoying your summer. jj

  8. Like all good irony, the truth is in there somewhere.

    Nice one Eddie.

  9. Do you know who Dennis Rodman is? Are you trying to look like him?

    The governments on both sides of the pond do not want things corrected with logical plans that work; the politicians would be out of a job.

  10. Halloooooooo! just a stop by to say hello and hope all is well with you! *big arse smile*

  11. Eddie for Prime Minister. Woop Woop. You are looking dashing as always too :)

  12. Paradox, indeed!
    I still think you look like Michael Caine! :-)

  13. You should run for office, Eddie. We I like the idea of having to spend $100 on alcohol and tobacco a week. Well, maybe not the tobacco. Could I apply that money to the alcohol?

    Enjoyed this visit.

  14. I'm not sure about the rest of it, Eddie, but I do know that we would be very glad to have you folks as our 51st state. Or maybe you can be the 50th - we'll just trade you for Mississippi.

  15. Well done, son. Just back from a drop in NHS centre. 745pm. Somethings bit me.

    ps the centres closing!!!

  16. oh Gosh! Your sense of humor is brilliant! I think your post is the only thing in the day the genuinely made me smile. What brilliant ideas! Wish the govt of every country followed your suggestions :D

  17. Why Eddie, I had no idea y'all had the same problems we in the states have! Illigal immigrants, prisoners living in the lap of luxury, despicable nursing home practices, all those economic crises...yep, you might as well become our 51st state! Happy to have you aboard...and I DO love the way you talk!

    PS - next time you have phone trouble and they can't find the problem, go out and get yourself a cow.

  18. The email circulating here says "Dear Mr. Obama", and uses DOLLARS, but is otherwise identical.

    I, too, was unaware that y'all had the same problems to deal with a we do. Small world, indeed! Here's hoping that your guys actually try to fix the things.

    xoxoxo, cd

  19. Keep on writing, great job!
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