How To Fix UK's Economy In One Hit

 Like the make-over and green rinse?  LOL

Now this is a series of Wizard ideas on how to revive our flagging economy here in the UK and I suspect elsewhere.  I received an email recently which forms the basis of this post but of course I have added other things, as I usually do. LOL  Please let us ALL write to the Prime Minister to try to knock some sense into Government Policy.

Ok -here we go!

Dear British Prime Minister

Please find below our suggestions for fixing the  UK 's economy.

Instead of giving billions of pounds to banks that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses instead of actually lending it to industry and would be home owners, use the following plan.   You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:

There are about 10 million people over 50 in the work force.

Pay them £1 million each severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:

1) They MUST retire..
Ten million job openings - unemployment fixed

2) They MUST buy a new British car.
Ten million cars ordered - Car Industry fixed

3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage -
Housing Crisis fixed

4) They MUST send their grand kids to school/college/university -
Crime rate fixed

5) They MUST buy £100 WORTH of alcohol/tobacco a week .....
 

And there's your money back in duty/tax etc

It can't get any easier than that!

With all those savings you can afford to pay £500K to those dear, poor retired people currently struggling on a mean and meagre state pension which you greedy so and sos tax.  This will in turn stimulate spending and assist greatly in reviving the economy.  However, if more money is needed to finance this, have all members of parliament pay back their falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances.

Stop ALL immigration immediately.

With our revived economy now flourishing stop ALL manufactured imports and start new manufacturing industries throughout UK and then we can start Exporting again and reduce our crippling balance of payments.

Leave Europe immediately and stand alone like Switzerland.  They are doing very nicely thank you!  Europe stinks!  If you must link with someone declare war on USA and surrender next day and become the 51st State.  Believe me! they love us, especially me, our history, our humour (or humor), the way we talk . . . . and petrol will come down in price from 137p per litre (over £5 per US Gallon) . . . . . golly there would be riots if they had to pay that!!

Stop immediately ALL Globalisation!!  It holds every country down!!  Let successful countries excel.
 Also, Prime Minister……….. 

Let's put the pensioners in jail and the criminals in a nursing home.

This way the pensioners would have access to showers, hobbies and walks.

They'd receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs etc and they'd receive money instead of paying it out.

They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly, if they fell, or needed assistance.

Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them.

A guard would check on them every 20 minutes and bring their meals and snacks to their cell.

They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.

They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counselling, pool and education.

Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, PJ's and legal aid would be free, on request.

Private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard, with gardens.

Each senior could have a PC a TV radio and daily phone calls.

There would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and the guards would have a code of conduct that would be strictly adhered to.

The criminals would get cold food, be left all alone and unsupervised.. Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week.  Live in a tiny room and pay £600.00 per week and have no hope of ever getting out.

Think about this (more points of contention):

COWS
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Appleby almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the county of Cumbria?

And, they even tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 125,000 illegal immigrants wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.

Folks, if you think these ideas would work, please forward to everyone you know.

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Also;
Think about this ... If you don't want to forward this for fear of offending someone -- YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM! It is time for us grumpy old folk of  Britain to speak up!