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Wednesday, 6 January 2010

News Scoop! - Bigfoot Found In UK Snow Storm

I have a HUGE news scoop for everyone - spread the word quickly - and of course I exclusive world wide rights.

(Bigfoot - Artist's Impression)

The newspapers will soon be full of it, with typical headlines and features like this:

Evidence At Last - Bigfoot Exists
!

Britain is at a standstill. Depleted stocks of grit and rock salt make it impossible to keep road arteries open. Trains are have ground to a halt. Aircraft are grounded. All schools are closed. Factories and Offices have told employees to stay at home. The roads are empty except for broken down vehicles strewn all over the place. People dare not venture out of their houses for fear of slipping on pavements, thus falling base over apex. Shops are running out of supplies. Domestic fridges and freezers are running low. Where will it end and how much longer will this global cooling affect this small and once mighty empire upon which the sun never set?

Last night Gordon Brown called an urgent cabinet meeting to discuss this latest crisis and utter chaos and reluctantly he has formally announced the UK is officially paralyzed and asleep, deep in hibernation.

Yet amongst this chaos strange footprints have appeared in the snow causing huge excitement amongst some highly imaginative scientists. Some are convinced these extreme weather conditions have brought a rare animal out into the open and revealed strong evidence at long last which proves the existence of Abominable Snowmen. For so long this being has been the figment of man's imagination. Other names for this mythical being are Yeti or Bigfoot, as Americans prefer to call them. To date no-one has ever seen one alive but today one keen photographer is convinced he has captured evidence of a series of footprints on film. He swears these footprints, as seen on the first photo, are genuine evidence a large creature, alive and well. Experts agree these Bigfoot foot prints must have been made this morning and therefore it's existence is authentic.
Experts unanimously deduce the being could be wearing size 12 Ambulance Boots and the creature must be enormously strong and heavy to impress the ground like that. For a while they were highly confused by the round hole appearing regularly beside the foot prints. They scratched their heads all morning before brilliantly deducing that the creature might have an ailing hip and the little round hole in the snow is clearly evidence of a walking stick, proving these beings are highly intelligent and not ogres at all.

Further evidence revealed that these creatures love to play in the snow and make very large snowballs. Someone phoned the news desk to report eight of them laughing and yelling their heads off whilst pushing a heavy and growing snowball down a hill and round a field until the snowball ended up a whopping 6 feet tall. He said they worked well together, talked to each other and obviously were enormously strong, beating their breasts whilst making loud Tarzan noises, thus causing all the local cats and dogs to run for their lives. A passing photographer took this shot and for the first time he captured on film a Yeti playing 'peep-ho' and then quickly ducking behind the snowball amongst his hiding friends, proving they are very friendly yet extremely shy.Notice the bottom of his head - shame he moved so quickly before a more detailed photo could be taken. They disliked any further attempts by our photographer and made rude gestures at him with threatening growls of "Get lost!" when he attempted do do so.


Our roving reporter followed the footprints with the walking stick snow prints for half a mile to this house near Bristol where authorities are convinced at least one or maybe a family of Abominable Snowmen live. They postulate that the last time these beings ventured out into the open was 20 years ago when it last snowed and then they were reputed to have built a large snowman.

Notice the footprints leading up to the door but beware he could be very dangerous and might hit you with his walking stick.

Officials were delighted to see this being is very canny and able to drive a car and there are vague reports that recently one was able to drive an ambulance.


What a scoop this is - we expect world wide cover for this story as the news breaks.


Its OK folks - I have only been drinking coffee! LOL

_________________________________________________


Extract from The Washington Post, next morning


Exceptionally high drama of phantom Yetii (plural you will note) of yesterday where adult Abominable Snowmen are alleged to have played snowballs with local inhabitants in a small town near Bristol, UK, has caused absolute chaos at daybreak this morning. The area is inundated with police, FBI, MI5, frantic newspaper journalists and TV crews, all jostling for key positions and hoping to gain more information of this huge news story, currently gripping the whole world.


Several questions on everyone's mind are surely, "Is it true - does Bigfoot really exist? Does he look like a polar bear?

(Notice the wink)

. . . . or is he humanoid?


. . . . . and if so has he big feet and does he wear large size 12 Ambulance Boots?

No-one appears to be able to get a satisfactory answer for it seems as though the 'being' inside his house has gone to ground and is asleep, or maybe refuses to answer the door.

Suddenly, there was a huge commotion as two androids appeared and walked round the house as bold as brass. Cameras clicked and flashed by the score. They had all got their front page photos for here was son on Bigfoot and one of his friends, two of the eight responsible for the snowball fiasco of the previous day.

What a HOAX

52 comments:

  1. coffee does that to you...lol. that is a massive snow ball! hope you are enjoying the white stuff...what am i saying...you obviously are. lol.

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  2. You are either having way too much fun or you put some spirits into your coffee today!! Either way...good on you!!
    Hugs
    SueAnn

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  3. Your coffee is way better than mine! ;)

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  4. Here in Maine, we're quite accustomed to the snow and don't hallucinate when drinking coffee! lol

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  5. Such exciting news!!!!
    In parts of America, we DO call this creature the Abominable Snowman, and several Minor Sightings are reported every year. This one thought, seems to be MAJOR.
    Congratulations on your Major Abominable Snowman Sighting, or as we would say, your Major ASS!

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  6. gosh its true then..big foot does exist....wonder where he'll sit his even fatter arse!!

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  7. Not sure about the coffee part. This is big news, might melt the snow with all the confusion and the chase, and the ambulances all standing by.

    Good one, Eddie. Your usual entertaining self.

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  8. He he!
    You've been at the Irish Coffe again, Eddie!
    Brilliant snowball.

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  9. Brian - someone obviously spiked my coffee. The culprits making the snowball were my 18 year old son and his friends - they had a ball.
    The men in white coats will be here soon to take me away. LOL

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  10. slommer - Thanks for the comment. I think the answer is 50-50. Enjoyed writing this one - just went outside to get some photos and then the mad idea crytalised. LOL

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  11. Hilary - I am sure you could find some coffee like mine somewhere!! LOL

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  12. Eva - we do not get much snow here and when we do everyone goes mad and tries to blame it on the coffee. LOL

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  13. Ethel Mae - LOL I'll watch out in future for a Major ASS, or even a Minor ASS. Thanks for pointing that out.

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  14. This is absolutely classic, my friend!!! And the photos to go with? Simply hilarious!!!! You do beat all!!!!! Your creativity and imagination are a source of incredible entertainment and inspiration to us!!!! May you have many more such Bigfoot sightings, my dear friend!!! You have a genius for news!!! ;-) Hugs, Janine

    P.S. I'll have whatever you had!! LOL.

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  15. FF&F - Saz - I think hos fat ARSE will be in my armchair tomorrow or at the desk blogging tomorrow LOL

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  16. Rosaria - Thanks and yes, it all seems to end in chaos when I write something like this!! The footprony had to be either a policeman or a Yeti and the policemen round here are much rarer and seldom sighted! LOL

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  17. Mimi - Yes, it must have been some Irish Coffee. Thanks for the explanation I was getting a bit worried about my halucinations.

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  18. Janine - Thank you my friend. I wish there were an endless list of ideas I could draw upon, but I guess I have to wait for our weather as a source of inspiration - LOL

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  19. Eddie this is just brillant...what an imagination you have....I love it when you get inspired especially by snow....if you lived in Canada you would be on the New York #1 Best sellers list...that is if all it takes is snow to inspire you, loved this......:-) Hugs

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  20. I want some of your coffee! The snow I love, it's the wind that is so awful here! Wind chill has been -24 and I would be willing to bet if you were to spit in the wind it would freeze before it had a chance to hit the ground!

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  21. That is one big foot! Size 12!
    How tall are you, Eddie?
    Did you make the snowball...or is it a boulder that you smeared snow on....just to fool Jackie into thinking that is a ginormous snowball?
    Love the blog. It is sooooo you!
    Thank you for the light-heartedness...and for great photographs.
    Your home is lovely. I am so amazed at the snow I see on almost every blog. You are used to it, but I could almost BET if it snowed here, it would be declared a holiday! I was taking my granddaughter to school this morning, and we looked at the outside temp. It was 26 degrees
    (that would be -2 degrees where you live)....and she said, "Nana...does that mean it might snow?" I explained with the bright blue sky that we always have when it drops anywhere near 32 degrees (0 degrees)...that the chance of snow is zero! It has never snowed here since she's been born...and she is 8. I told her that I've only seen it snow here 3 times....and I'll be 60 my next birthday....so, you see, snow is a BIG deal here in south Georgia.
    Thank you for a great blog. I always enjoy your wit....and I want to get serious here and say that I hope that the pain from your hip eases...that you get your hip replacement....all goes well...and that you are up and about and feeling much better soon, my friend. As always, please, give Maria a hug for me. Tell her Jackie thinks of her and prays for her every day. I bought a card for Selina on Monday. Jack was with me when I bought it. He was asking me what it was for, and I explained. Tell her to be looking for it soon, OK?
    Take care of you, Eddie. I enjoyed being here tonight.
    Hugs and smiles from Jackie

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  22. Simply hilarious!! I see you're in your Mr. Hyde mode, tonight! It's been a while, and I'm glad to see that he's alive and kickin'!! You are sooo ky-nigh, cher! Merci beaucoup for the laughs and most entertaining post! Cheers mon ami!

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  23. Seems coffee has really gone to your head!
    I much prefer tea!

    Blasted snow! Maybe you'd like to come to our road and roll a huge snowball down the road so as our car can get out?

    Nuts in May

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  24. It is so good that you can maintain your sense of humor in all this snow. Also, that you are still able to get out and about, with an ailing hip and and your clearly questionable mental state. Coffee, huh? But what about the little pills?

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  25. The cold is getting to you! Thank heavens you ahve a favorite drink of mine to help clear your thoughts. Coffee is a must each morning for me. Though my thoughts are still not clear.

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  26. Thanks for the laugh!
    (From a corner of the earth where the weather is about the same but we're perhaps a little bit more used to it.)

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  27. I would definitely need more evidence...I mean there's not even anything to guage the size of the footprints with (size 12 you 'say'.. ha) It's easy to digitally enhance photos these days.
    I am going to be so bold as to suggest this is a HOAX. It's corn circles and Loch Ness all over again. I won't be sucked in.

    PAH!

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  28. Molly - Oh ye of little faith, now would I really kid you? LOL
    I will reply to the others when Mrs Bigfoot stops pitting her big foot down to me wasting time doing all this blogging when I clearly could be doing jobs around the house!! LOL

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  29. You are so funny Eddie! Love the giant snowball. We're expecting snow Thursday evening but I doubt it'll be as much as you've got.

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  30. Bernie - Thanks, I love making you guys laugh. I have some more ideas ticking away which I shall post between roasts.
    btw your hair looks lovely.

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  31. Kathy - Gosh I wouldn't wany to blow my nose there - instant 'snotdrops' - sorry!! It is scheduled to be very cold here tonight but not as cold as that.

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  32. That snow ball is huge...never seen one that big

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  33. A size 12 ambulance boot huh?

    You made me laugh out loud Eddie! Glad you are enjoying the snow!

    xo

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  34. Jackie - I was about 6ft before gravity took over and compressed me a bit. That accounts for my slightly 'squashed' look.
    You have written an 'Epistle' which is lovely and thank you.
    I do enjoy enormously amusing you all and I have added a little end section which I understand The Washington Post printed this morning. We are getting famous here - what have I started? I must away niw because Mrs Bluelights has just shouted upstairs that my dinner is on the table and if I do not come down straight away it will be thrown in the bin!
    So I musr away quickly LOL

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  35. Marguerite - Thank you for your visit and nice comment. So you prefer me as Mr Hyde to that boring Dr Jekyl do you? Well you know you should not 'egg me on' you know! Would you like me to be Mr Hyde all the time? LOL

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  36. I'm getting very dizzie with all these comments, ah yes!
    Maggie - thanks sis and yes the coffe must have been spiked! Maybe I should have tea instead.
    Yes the weather is awful.

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  37. RNSANE - Your blogname is a little like I was when I wrote this, INSANE.
    Yes my sense of humour is helping and I can get out for a few steps - I took some very good photographs that day and I shall be posting some shots soon

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  38. The Things We Carried - Thank you Meredith and yes perhaps the cold is getting to me a bit, bit the coffee helps! So does Rachmaninov LOL

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  39. Dawntreader - Thanks for the visit and glad you liked the fun - I added a bit more to it tonight, hope people see it.

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  40. Dawntreader - Thanks for the visit and glad you liked the fun - I added a bit more to it tonight, hope people see it.

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  41. Gaston Studios - nice to see you Jane, I was getting a bit worried about you but understand you have been very busy.
    I always enjoy making you laugh. Eddie x

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  42. Gayle - Thanks for the visit and glad you enjoyed the post.

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  43. Joanna - Great to see ypou and glad I made you LOL. Eddie x

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  44. Eddie...You have added to this since I've visited...clever guy, you are!
    I hope that Maria held your supper for you!!
    I love your writing....superb!
    Hugs to you from Jackie

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  45. P.S. The Androids are beautiful and handsome... They must resemble their mother! :))

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  46. Teacher's Pet - Jackie, ha! ha! agreed son of Big Foot inherits the good looks of his mother, rejecting utterly my features, but their Mom sometimes shows her teeth like King Kong when the boys, including me!, are naughty!
    Yes I did get me supper but had to sing for it!!
    btw I am responsibe for only one of those androids (to my knowledge anyway) - the one with the glasses, who has a red belt in Tae-Kwondo. The big guy has a black belt in Tae-Kwondo, so watch out you Yeti or Bigfeet or Abominable Snowmen!! You have no chance! LOL

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  47. Why not believing in Big Foot?
    We can all use a good joke, a bit of fantasy and a splash of laughter. Thank you for your post.

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  48. Like father like son I guess!
    The only footprints we are seeing come from several foxes on a nightly prowl... the look terrific against the snow background, so far we have not been quick enough with the camera.

    Loe Granny

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  49. Christine - I hope your doctorship is not in physchiatry since several readers have commented about my 'questionable' mental state. LOL
    Welcome and I am glad you were amused. Perhaps Big Foot does exist!

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  50. Granny - very brave of you to venture into my lair with or without a camera. It would be great to get some fox photos.

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  51. nice post. thanks.

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  52. Is skunk ape Real?
    http://www.is-bigfoot-real.com/

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