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Saturday, 2 August 2014

QUOTATIONS TO BRIGHTEN ANY WEEKEND -6-



This week I am continuing with the dictionary of alternative meanings and who quoted them.



* * * * * * 

Committee: A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours.
(Milton Berle, 20th century US comedian)

Conclusion: A conclusion is the place where you get tired of thinking.
(Arthur Bloch, 20th century US writer)

Conference: A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.
(Fred Allen)

Confidence:  Confidence is simply that quiet assured feeling you have before you fall flat on your face.
(Dr L Binder, 19th century US historian)

Conscience:  Conscience is the inner voice which warns us that someone might be looking.
(H L Mencken, 20th century US humorist and author)

Cult: A cult is a religion with no political power.
(Tom Wolfe, 2oth century US author)

Cult: It just means not enough people to make a minority.
(Robert  Altman, 20th century US film director)

Cynic:  A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.
(Ambrose Bierce)

Cynic: A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
(Oscar Wilde)

Dancing: Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.
(Anonymous)

Debacle: Defeat at cricket and tennis.
(J B Morton, alias 20th century humorist 'Beachcomber')

Democracy: Democracy is a form of religion. It is the worship of jackals by jackasses.
(H L Mencken)

Diagnosis:  The physician's art of determining the condition of the patients purse in order to find out how sick to make him.
(Ambrose Bierce)

Diplomat: A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.
(Robert Frost)

Economy: Cutting down other people's wages.
(J B Morton)

Editor:  An editor is one who separates the wheat from the chaff and prints the chaff.
(Adlai Stevenson, US politician, 1900-1965)

Egotist:  A person of low taste, more interested in himself than me.
(Ambrose Bierce)

Epigram: Any sentence spoken by anybody who is in the public eye at the moment.
(J B Morton)

Epitaph: A belated advertisement for a line of goods that has been prematurely been discontinued.
(Irwin S Cobb, 20th century US writer)

Epitaph: A monumental inscription designed to remind the deceased of what he might have been if he had had the will and the opportunity.
(Ambrose Bierce)

Expert:  An expert is a man who knows more and more about less  and less, and everything about nothing.
(Nicholas Murray Butler, US educator, 1862-1947)



That's shallot folks for this week.

Please keep your quotes coming:

eddiebluelights@googlemail.com


. . . . and finally please stop by at Eva's for her Weekend Silliness feature HERE





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26 comments:

  1. Stop! Let me catch my breath!!! LOL! Eddie!

    ALOHA from Honolulu
    ComfortSpiral
    =^..^= . <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Gosh Cloudia . . . . you were quick . . . lol
      Great to see you ~ hugs, Eddie :)

      Delete
  2. The expert is very true
    and the diagnosis for most drs. is 100% what comes due
    Just so they can charge you up the ass
    And stick things up there too to take a pass lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Of one thing with you I will agree
      I'll stay away from your GP
      Not having an inkling to race
      To have him mess around that place.
      lol

      Delete
  3. the worship of jackals by jackasses.....hahaha that was worth it right there...
    i hope you have an amazing weekend

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LO Thanks Brian - and you too . . . . :).

      Delete
  4. Replies
    1. LOL . . . . yes it is extremely funny . . . :)

      Delete
  5. I like the epitaph one. My old Granny (silly old bat!) used to say that "the cemetery is full of indispensable people".

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Keith - yes that was a funny two! . . . lol
      Aw your poor Granny - I am sure she was certainly not that, but loved her quote . . . so was she Granny Smith? . . . lol

      Delete
    2. No, she was Granny Henton, and she wasn't so bad, except when she smacked me round the head and made me go clean out the pig sty.

      And I wasn't referring to my bedroom!

      Delete
    3. I'll take your word for it . . . . . lol

      Delete
  6. The definition of "conference" is hysterical!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol . . . . I can just see your highly infectious laugh. Conferences will never quite be the same again will they? . . . . :)

      Delete
  7. All are good but this one was priceless: Diplomat: A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. (Robert Frost)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So, are you are good diplomat, Stephen? . . . . .lol

      Delete
  8. Hi Eddie - did you really need to drink while you tiped them up .. shallot for you too ..

    But seriously these are great - honestly so true too .. though I don't like to think along those thoughts! Stephen's quote about a diplomat .. is a good one too ..

    Cheers Hilary

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You'd have to laugh, Hilary!
      I had to type most of the quotes into blogger twice! I am trying to think of a suitable quote for blogger but it would be unprintable. First time it refused to auto-save and I lost the lot!! The air was blue I can tell you! I will save manually from now on. Plus all the problems I am having commenting!!

      Yes I have many more quotes and look forward to posting them . . . . . :) Cheers, Eddie

      Delete
  9. Some of these are really bizzard Eddie!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Gloria - yes some are quite bizzare . . . . . lol . . .:)

      Delete
  10. Replies
    1. Thanks Mary (Other) . . . .love doing these . . . . :)

      Delete
  11. I chose the diplomat one as my favourite this week Eddie!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Amy, glad you enjoyed your trip to the States.
      Yes the diplomat one is well worth learning for us gents . . . . :) x

      Delete
  12. Fun post and a great shot. Carver, ABCW-Team

    ReplyDelete

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