QUOTATIONS TO BRIGHTEN ANY WEEKEND -6-

This week I am continuing with the dictionary of alternative meanings and who quoted them.

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Committee: A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours.

(Milton Berle, 20th century US comedian)

Conclusion: A conclusion is the place where you get tired of thinking.

(Arthur Bloch, 20th century US writer)

Conference: A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.

(Fred Allen)

Confidence:  Confidence is simply that quiet assured feeling you have before you fall flat on your face.

(Dr L Binder, 19th century US historian)

Conscience:  Conscience is the inner voice which warns us that someone might be looking.
(H L Mencken, 20th century US humorist and author)

Cult: A cult is a religion with no political power.
(Tom Wolfe, 2oth century US author)

Cult: It just means not enough people to make a minority.
(Robert  Altman, 20th century US film director)

Cynic:  A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.
(Ambrose Bierce)

Cynic: A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
(Oscar Wilde)

Dancing: Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.
(Anonymous)

Debacle: Defeat at cricket and tennis.
(J B Morton, alias 20th century humorist 'Beachcomber')

Democracy: Democracy is a form of religion. It is the worship of jackals by jackasses.
(H L Mencken)

Diagnosis:  The physician's art of determining the condition of the patients purse in order to find out how sick to make him.
(Ambrose Bierce)

Diplomat: A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.
(Robert Frost)

Economy: Cutting down other people's wages.
(J B Morton)

Editor:  An editor is one who separates the wheat from the chaff and prints the chaff.
(Adlai Stevenson, US politician, 1900-1965)

Egotist:  A person of low taste, more interested in himself than me.
(Ambrose Bierce)

Epigram: Any sentence spoken by anybody who is in the public eye at the moment.
(J B Morton)

Epitaph: A belated advertisement for a line of goods that has been prematurely been discontinued.
(Irwin S Cobb, 20th century US writer)

Epitaph: A monumental inscription designed to remind the deceased of what he might have been if he had had the will and the opportunity.
(Ambrose Bierce)

Expert:  An expert is a man who knows more and more about less  and less, and everything about nothing.
(Nicholas Murray Butler, US educator, 1862-1947)



That's shallot folks for this week.

Please keep your quotes coming:

eddiebluelights@googlemail.com


. . . . and finally please stop by at Eva's for her Weekend Silliness feature HERE

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