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Friday, 11 July 2014

QUOTATIONS TO BRIGHTEN ANY WEEKEND -3-


Well, here we are again . . .  my third weekly dip into that seemingly endless treasure chest of famous and sometimes infamous quotation gems.

I am pleased to see my feature is exercising your chuckle muscles and several of you have kindly given me some very funny material, which I am posting today for us.

Please keep your contributions coming and I will feature them weekly (provided they are printable, of course):


I am indebted to a lovely lady calling herself the Other Mary (Bach) who has a delightful poetry blog,  Writing In The Bachs 

(She tells me her uncle is non other than J S Bach  . . . . crumbs!  Is that a Prelude to more news or just a complicated Fugue? . . . . and does she hear Bach often or Offenbach . . . . 

. . . . and she loves music jokes and has never flown off the Handel with anyone and never confuses Mister Rimsky-Korsakov with Mister Rip your Corsets Off . . . lol)



Mary has no less than three contributions today - you see she is such a fount of wisdom; thank you Mary:

1.  Lewis Carroll, "I have believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast"

(Seven if he could possibly imagine my efforts at cooked breakfasts!)

2. E.B. White, "I get up every morning determined both to change the world and to have one hell of a good time.  Sometimes this makes planning the day difficult."

(He sounds just like me!! - not much planning here either)

3. Groucho Marx, "Learn by the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself!"

(I love Groucho - very true!  He also said, "You are only as old as the woman you feel!" - naughty boy!  I have a lot of Groucho for us - he is priceless)


And another one from my good friend Jinksy of Napple Notes.

She adds this little addenda to Oscar Wilde's quote, "He's old enough to know worse".

 " I'm definitely old enough to know worse - and I recommend it to anyone!"

(Thanks Pen)

And another, quoting her grandfather, an Anonymous Scottish Gentleman from Fife
"You can't make racehorses out of donkeys!"

(So true)


Keep them coming folks and let's Evangelise this feature to all your bloggy pals, right across BlogLand. 


Now to the formal business of the day, which is more quotes:

On the subject of music Rossini was not very complimentary to Wagner when he said:
"Wagner has beautiful moments but awful quarters of an hour!"

(Heresy!! I can just see Wagner purists seething and jumping up and down in fury as they listen to The Ring Cycle)


I've got to include this one . . . lol . . . 

Tchaikovsky on Brahms:
"What a gift less Bastard!" 

(I agree - I hate his music!)


Richard Strauss on himself:
"I may not be a first-rate composer but I am a first-class, second-rate composer!"

(I'm dying laughing here keying this lot in - I've found a new source. . . . ROFL)


A music shop in Bath had a delightful "Gone to Lunch" note on the door, simply saying, "Bach In A Minuet"

( Don't you just love it?  . . . . They could have said "Gone Chopin'  . .to get some groceries!! . . lol)


Away from music for a while - I've lot's left over for another day.

(No that was not a quote - just a statement!!)



American humorist Kin Hubbard thought being 'grown up' and good was a delusion:
"Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle - aged men."

French film star Maurice Chevalier:
"Old age isn't so bad when you consider the alternative."

Of one of his characters, American novelist Joseph Heller writes:
"He decided to live for ever, or die in the attempt".

(Boy that one is priceless)

In the French film Breathless, a smoothie writer is asked whether he has any ambition remaining in his successful and eventful life. He replied there was not much left except:

"To become immortal, and then to die!"

(Gosh . . . where do they get 'em!)

American comedian Woody Allen:
"It's not that I'm afraid to die.  I just don't want to be there when it happens."

Summing up the meaning of human existence, writer- performer Quentin Crisp says:
"Life was a funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave."

I have a couple of famous Winston Churchill quotes centring on his well-known clashes with Lady Nancy Astor:

Lady Astor:  "Sir, if you were my husband I would give you poison!"
Churchill: "Madam, if I was your husband I would take it!"

and

Lady Astor: "Sir, you are drunk!"
Churchill: "And Madam you are ugly . . but I shall be sober in the morning!"

(Aren't they side splitting?  . . . .such wit!  Did they have an affair I wonder? Anyone know?)


An Irishman, when asked by a motorist the way to Dublin:
"If I were you I wouldn't start from here!"

(Where else, nit-wit?)

Another Irishman, or he could be the same one, when observing and telling a motorist he had a tyre punctured,

"It could be worse, it is only flat at the bottom!"

Lord Melbourne, British Prime Minister and friend of Queen Victoria - upon hearing a sermon in church:
"Things have come to a pretty pass when religion is allowed to invade the sphere of private life."

C.E. Montague, a journalist, served at the front in WW1 but found that there was more hysteria behind the lines. He wrote, modifying Shakespeare a little:
"Hell hath no fury like a non-combatant."



Well not all quotes are happy ones and I end on a somber note with this almost unbelievable quote from Mark Twain, just before his death bed and summing up his entire human existence and just what life meant to him as an atheist, with nothing whatsoever to hope for:


 "A myriad of men are born, they labour and sweat and struggle for bread. They squabble and scold and fight. They scramble for little mean advantages over each other. Age creeps upon them. Infirmities follow.  Shames and humiliations bring down their prides and their vanities. Those they love are taken from them and the joy of life has turned to aching grief. The burden of pain and care and misery grows heavier year by year. At length, ambition is dead. Pride is dead. Vanity is dead. Longing for release is in their place. It comes at last.  Death, the only un-poisoned gift earth ever had for them. And they vanish from a world where they were of no consequence, where they achieved nothing, where they were a mistake and a failure and a foolishness, where they have left no sign that they have existed in a world which will lament them a day and forget them forever. And then another myriad takes their place and copies all they did and goes along the same profitless road and vanishes as they vanished to make room for another and another and millions of myriads to follow the same arid path through the same desert and accomplish what the first myriad and all the myriads that came after it accomplished . . . . nothing." 

(I find this utterly astonishing!  This remarkable genius summing up his life like that)


Well next week I shall be back to happy quotes, I promise.

All about Money Matters

I shall be very interested to receive your quote contributions:

My email address is: 

eddiebluelights@googlemail.com


And for a few more laughs please visit my good friend Eva from across the pond for her regular feature Weekend Silliness






40 comments:

  1. I love the one from Churchill and Lady Astor. Quite a good comeback from Mr. C!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes Winston was very quick and witty . . :)

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  2. I love many Churchill quotes. One of my favorites is Will Rodgers.

    Well done.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Clap Clap, Eddie!

    ALOHA from Honolulu
    ComfortSpiral
    =^..^= <3

    ReplyDelete
  4. Like you I treasure Groucho, but that Woody Allen line is priceless. Thanks for the laughs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, Woody Allen. still alive at 78, has lived by his quotation.
      He is a great wit and a very funny man . . . :)

      Delete
  5. i wonder if i can manage to not be there the day i die...
    thats the thing with believers as well...ther eis so much to believe in...
    before breakfast..ha.

    in the immortal words of dave barry, "You can only be young once. But you can always be immature."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes a true quote and many of us have regretted being so on occasions - thanks Brian :)

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  6. Churchill was not only wise, but witty! And did you know he loved cats?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. How fascinating . . . I didn't know that but I am not surprised . . . he did have a big heart as well :)

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    2. I featured him in my on-going series, Famous Folks' Felines. I haven't done an entry in a while...must do one soon!
      And what? No quotes from the host this time? :)

      Delete
    3. No quotes from me - they don't come very often . . . lol
      I'm very interested in that series, Famous Folks' Felines - must look the series up . . . :)

      Delete
  7. lol drunkenness will pass
    There is always plastic surgery for the lass
    Not being there would you die
    Would sure be nice to give a try
    And mistakes from those around
    Are better than ones done by us at our ground

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thought you'd like our Lady Astor
      And Churchill's brain could not run faster.

      lol

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  8. I love quotes!!! I'm always amazed at the brilliance of people who can come up with these things, like the Winston Churchill quote LOL. Here's one I just read on a blog "Be yourself. Everyone else is taken." Oscar Wilde

    I like your little comment at the end of the Twain quote. Yes, very said, and I'm sure he has a different opinion now because after all, there is life after death and he is there.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Karen.
      Yes . . . some people are brilliant - notably Churchill and Oscar Wilde.
      Thanks for that quote - will feature next week.

      Yes - Mark Twain was so mistaken . . . :)

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  9. I like the Groucho one about mistakes!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Amy - yes Groucho was a riot!! . . . :)

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  10. Hi Eddie - it's always amazing how clever people are with words .. mind you we can all do that at appropriate times .. just don't always have the recorder-brain to remember them ..

    I think I need to return to read .. cheers Hilary

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Hilary - I think we all come out with a few funnies - maybe we should write them down :)

      Delete
  11. Love the quotations and the smiles.
    What a somber quotation that Mark Twain wrote. I cannot imagine living this life not believing in God. Such a sadness comes over me as I think that Twain did just that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes . . . and me Jackie . . . . I have been debating his situation, and others, with a few friends today . . . . :(
      But great to see you :)

      Delete
  12. I'm afraid I don't believe a lot of Churchill's speeches and quotes, especially his wartime speeches. I think they were written for him to project a good image of him as a leader to boost the morale of the people in those dark times. It's rather like some of the most famous comedians now, they have a team of writers to write their material.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Have to beg to differ there Keith certainly regarding his speeches. He was a man of words and spent hours preparing his own speeches and they are shown in his own hand in various drafts as he developed them . . . plus in the House Of Commons he was very quick witted and often came out with brilliant retorts. So it is well documented.
      His quotes including the Lady Astor ones are also true - they happened spontaneously when they were in parliament together together, Lady Astor being the first woman in parliament. . . . . and he often clashed with her and she could give as good as she got . . . . lol :)

      Delete
  13. Oh alright, I'll believe you this time, but I'll be watching you!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Fun stuff here, Eddie. I love finding humourous quotes every now and again. Now I have a new place to search for them. ;)

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Hilary . . . . . . I'm here every week with these :)

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  15. I like the Woody Allen quote. And Brahms wrote some of the most beautiful music I have every sung... or heard.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Suzie

      Yes, Woody is a card and still alive.
      Perhaps Tchaikovsky (and I) are a bit hard on Brahms. His 4th Symphony and Violin Concerto are nice but don't like his piano concertos and to me there are many others I enjoy a lot more. Do you sing Suzie? :)

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    2. Well Tchaikovsky didn't like Wagner or Beethoven either... so methinks the problem lies more with Tchaikovsky. Yes, my primary career was as an opera singer up until a few years ago.

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    3. Gosh Suzie - how wonderful you were an opera singer - are you a soprano or a contralto?
      I bet that was a fascinating career.
      Could be T was wrong then particularly since he did not like Bee or Wag. :)

      Delete
  16. Hi Eddie...
    It was my father Bill...not grandfather...none the less...a great quote!
    Enjoy your evening!
    Cheers!
    Linda :o)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oops . . .got the generations wrong . . . he sounds a clever lad and a Scotsman.
      He must have worn a kilt and you must have a Scottish maiden name - wonder what clan you are? :)

      Thanks Linda :)

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    2. Maiden name Kerr...and I love the Kerr tartan...as for the clan...no idea!

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    3. How interesting!
      Well I have just looked up Kerr and it appears they had their own clan, The Kerr Clan and if you fancy wearing a kilt I've found the tartan too on:

      http://www.scotclans.com/scottish_clans/clan_kerr/tartan.html

      No extra charge for the research . . . nut be orepared to buy 7 yards because that is how much material there is in a kilt. Fancy some bagpipes too? . . . lol

      Delete
    4. Don't blame you!
      Awful racket
      The Germans in the last war called the Scottish soldiers in kilts and blowing pipes, "The Wild Women From Hell!" . . Thet fought so savagely . . . .lol

      Delete

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