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Saturday 26 July 2014

QUOTATIONS TO BRIGHTEN ANY WEEKEND -5-




For a change I have a slightly different 'take' on quotations this week, in the form of a dictionary of alternative meanings, and who quoted them.  


Acquaintance: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
(Ambrose Bierce, US author)

Actor: An actor is a guy who if you ain't talking about him, he ain't listening. 
(Marlon Brando)

Armour: The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.  
(Ambrose Bierce)

Atheist:  An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support. 
(John Buchan)

Baby:  A loud noise at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other. 
(Father Ronald Knox, English author)

Bachelor: A man who never makes the same mistake once. 
(Ed Wynn, 20th century US comedian)

Bank: A bank is where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and asks for it back when it begins to rain. 
(Robert Frost, US Poet)

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it. 
(Bob Hope)

Bigamist: A man who marries a beautiful girl and a good cook. 
(Chicago Herald-American)

Bore: A bore is a man who, when you ask him how he is, tells you. 
(Bert Leston Taylor, US writer)

A bore is a person who talks when you wish him to listen (Ambrose Bierce)

Brain: The apparatus with which we think we think. (Ambrose Bierce)

Breeding: Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person. 
(Mark Twain)

Calamity: Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others. 
(Ambrose Bierce)

Cannibal: A guy who does into a restaurant and orders the waiter. 
(Jack Benny)

Caricature: Caricature is the tribute mediocrity pays to genius. 
(Oscar Wilde)

Celebrity: A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. 
(Fred Allen, US comedian)

Classic: A classic is something that everybody wants to have you read and nobody wants to read. 
(Mark Twain)


 * * * More next week * * *

Please keep your quotations coming to my email:





Also tune in to Eva for some more of her  Weekend Silliness laughs.



Enjoy your weekend



43 comments:

  1. I always love good quotations. Mark Twain is a favorite of mine and his about the classics is so true.

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    1. Thanks Michelle - Mark Twain was certainly a genius and many of his quotes are so true. :)

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  2. lol I'm using my apparatus to think I think right now
    And if you don't read the classic they have a cow
    Actors are full of themselves
    As lively as santas elves

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    Replies
    1. Glad the apparatus is ok
      And pen is flowing well today.
      And glad you don't require a bank
      Which might do that umbrella prank.

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  3. People who talk when you want them to listen......love that one!

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    Replies
    1. Yes, there are a lot of them around . . . . :)

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    2. They never shut their trap
      But duct tape ends their flap

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    3. For folk like that who witter on
      We hope and hope that they are gone
      It seems a futile and an endless battle
      To stop them with their mindless prattle.

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    4. Duct tape and hope could solve every issue!
      But this had me laugh so hard, I had to grab a tissue!

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  4. All were good but my favorite was: Acquaintance: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. I love reading these quotes and I appreciate you posting them.

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    Replies
    1. Glad you like them Stephen - I have loads and can keep the column going for a long time . . . :)

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  5. I loved reading these, Eddie, and I appreciate that you shared them with us!
    I hope that you are getting lots and lots of Grandson hugs and kisses. They are the sweetest! Have a great week, my friend.
    Hugs,
    J.

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    Replies
    1. Lot's more where those came from, Jackie - will post some more every week
      Little Peter is such a cutie pie and on holiday for 2 weeks with his ma and pa and grandma and granddad.
      He's gone fishing with them. . . lol
      Hugs ~Eddie

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  6. I read these aloud to my two 'boys' and we had us a good laugh, thanx

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    1. Hi :) Long time - no see!!
      Great you came over and glad you three had a good laugh . . . .
      More next week :)

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  7. Hi Eddie, I think those saying are very true, but I do wish you wouldn't be so serious all the time, you should lighten up a little bit. I always strive to be happy and gay, in the old meaning of the word.

    How about some "There was a Cherokee maiden from Ohio, How she got there I don't know." That sort of thing I like.

    You are not serious about posting some more quotations next week are you? May God protect us from the ramblings of ex-ambulance drivers!

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    Replies
    1. Was that comment up to your standard you require then?

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    2. Hi Anthony - great to see you and please come just as you are - it's good to see you whether you are serious or whether you are funny. But I laughed my socks off at your last one and so will she when she sees it - she is at a NASCAR race right now with her son and daughter in law. Thanks for commenting. :)

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    3. Oh! I am laughing so hard . . . . Oh Anthony . . love it!
      I'll try not to be so serious, honest and I will and let my hair down a bit - good advice.
      But you really are most welcome whatever you say.
      Pink Cloud's great grandmother was Cherokee - that's where all that came from.
      And yes, we all have to watch out for these ex-ambulancemen - they are almost as bad as ex-lawyers . . . :)

      No doubt Keith will be over later :)

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    4. What makes you think that Eddie?

      As for you Tony, you will be in big trouble when Pink Cloud returns from the races!
      "There was a Cherokee maiden from Ohio. . . .". I can see it all now, she will be off to see the medicine man who no doubt will give her doll that looks like you and some hat pins!

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    5. Pink Cloud has arrived! I did a rain dance so the rain stayed in Ohio and not in Indiana, where I was today!
      My ears were itching though and I had the feeling someone was talking about me. haha.
      Now, I want to know who started the line about the Cherokee maiden from Ohio! Any one want to confess? lol....

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    6. Not guilty my lady . . . . charge dismissed . . .
      Keith might but or course he would claim his innocence by 'diminished responsibility' . . . . . lol

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  8. Replies
    1. Eddie - I dont know how you put up with Keith

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    2. Tony, don't forget the fact that I control the domain that you are using, and I've got my hand on the destruct lever. . . .

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    3. Hello boys! . . . . well well well I turn my back for a couple of hours and just look what I see! . . . lol
      A cyber pantomime.

      Yes, Tony . . . you do have a point there.
      Now do you see why I thought he had set up a dummy account and pretended to be someone else!

      He might just do that and surprise us yet.

      Now Mr Smith, I expect that last remark makes you feel all powerful . . . but let me remind you, you are dealing with a lawyer . . . lol , a Cherokee and an ex ambulanceman .

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  9. You pair thought I had gone didn't you, but I'm watching. . . . . .

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    Replies
    1. I'm going now. Eddie, I loved those quotations, I don't know whos site you stole them from, but they are good anyway.

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    2. Cheers Keith . . . I won't tell you where I stole them . . .

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  10. Have you heard Oscar Wilde's definition of a horse - dangerous at both ends and darned uncomfortable in the middle!!! I think that is a good alternative definition don't you!! xx

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    1. Hi Amy . . . thanks for that great Oscar Wilde definition of a horse . . . I'use that one . . . . xx

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  11. Very good! I have also read somewhere that athiesm is a non-prophet organization! :o) Keep 'em coming Eddy!

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    1. lol . . . thanks, Mary, for that one too - I'll use it :)

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  12. Hi Eddie, how are you? I'm hoping to get back to blogging soon, commenting is a start! Love the Acquaintance one and also the bank ones!
    The picture of Magnolia on your header is beautiful, is that from your own garden?

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    Replies
    1. Well what a pleasant surprise to hear from you, Mimi.
      I have missed you and your French Horn very much. So glad you are in BlogLand again.
      Yes, the Acquaintance quote is very funny. This is a regular show, so there will be many more.

      Yes, the Magnolia Tree is in my front garden and I remembered to take a photo this year. :)

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  13. Nice. Those are some pretty amazing quotes.

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    1. Welcome and thank you Lady Lilith - please return next week for some more and you are most welcome to have a look around any time.
      Will come over to see your blog soon . . . . Eddie :)

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  14. Is Mark Train related to Mark Twain?

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    Replies
    1. The very same . . . thanks Keith. They are now both Twain. . . .. :)

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  15. Replies
    1. Thanks Gloria . . . . :)
      I'll come over tonight to see your latest post . . x

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