He sees only the image of her face, now outside his time and space and lost to him in a dimension unknown to him – far beyond his universe. Yet this face remains so real to him, so treasured, so captivating and so fresh in his memory – but now so absent from his life and his lonely heart.
He sheds a tear or two as all his unbridled emotions choose to wound him, to hurt him and to deny him of all his wishes and his yearnings, now closed irrevocably to any further conversation or communication. They haunt him unceasingly and flow endlessly from deep within his troubled heart and soul.
Immersed in grief he sits in agonizing solitude, dead to his world and unfocused totally on a myriad of omnipresent treasures, gifted so freely by creation, and surrounding him from every corner of his existence. Each persistent miracle strives to speak to him of its endless wonders, each one vies competitively for his full attention, yet somehow all remain totally inconspicuous to him.
He simply ignores their carefully crafted tapestry, dripping so salubriously with its every interwoven colour, sketched and painted in exquisite detail by the artistic finger of creation, whilst orchestrated and directed by the might of heaven.
In unison, each of his sleeping senses fails utterly to imbibe any message of their presence, or their glory, for all their wasted conversation is excommunicated from those sad elusive windows of his troubled soul, and every enchanted melody, together with its delightful harmony, is refused any recognition by his tightly closed and muted ears.
He does not smell either the sweet fragrance of the countryside around him. Neither does he feel the warmth, gifted freely by his sun, or savour the gentle breeze caressing his doleful face, etched so painfully with lines of recent sorrow.
Instead, again he sees only her face and every ounce of him remains stubbornly transfixed upon the sole object of his tribulation, like an impossible burden pressing upon him far too heavily and weighing down his overloaded shoulders – thus smothering the very life from him.
The gently flowing stream beside him conveys nothing of its true beauty, majesty and cheerfulness, as its waters meander effortlessly in unending procession past the place where he is seated – he remains as if inanimate and in total ignorance of its presence.
Its enchantment fails utterly to impress any part of him as it shimmers, glistens and twinkles over the rocks, as if orchestrated by its every collision with whatever obstacle may interrupt its course – it just continues its journey and waves him goodbye, unheeded. He does not hear either the comforting and therapeutic sounds of this persistent percolating watercourse, which should console him, even if just a little.
He ignores also the accompanying sounds from a nearby weir as it breaks each fall of water into a million glistening fragments, in sharp contrast against the fluffy, slowly moving clouds and bright blue sky and their interwoven dancing shimmering rays of light – all commanded into view by their intricate reflections and all engineered by the dawning of a delightful day.
Neither does he feel the warm and comforting sunshine kiss and caress his furrowed and crestfallen brow, nor does he hear the birds in discordant chorus debating the virtues of their lofty habitats. All these treasures, although well known to him, are but a distant memory and today they no longer exist in his world, for his mind has no room for them and he can stare only ahead, motionless and with vacant eyes. He sees, hears and feels nothing of his external world, for all its grandeur and fascination are as dead to him.
Instead, from deep within his troubled being, he sees only treasured memories and pictures emerging from the darkness of his grief – these alone are permitted any stimulation to any facet of his consciousness. He sees once more a flood of precious moments, punctuated by the sweet laughter of happier days, when torrents of cascading water, welling from within him, smiled and satisfied life’s thirst and provided the promise of everything he could ever wish for, as long as life remained his servant.
Yet now, appearing through the utter inward grief of his present, he sees again only her haunting face from his recent past and he knows this lady, hand-picked by God for him, is exiled so cruelly from his earthly future. Yet all he sees in his awareness is her alluring smile and her beautiful eyes pouring out their love for him, and he remains transfixed just with the thought of her, with the memory of her, and with the loss of his dearest companion with whom he shared his life.
He knows if he remained seated by that stream for a million years he could never, in his present state of mind, see it, or hear it, or touch it, just as he knows also the sheer impossibility of him ever erasing that gorgeous lady of his life from his wounded heart and mind – a lady whom he adores with all his being, and with whom he is totally captivated.
He knows if he remained seated by that stream for a million years he could never, in his present state of mind, see it, or hear it, or touch it, just as he knows also the sheer impossibility of him ever erasing that gorgeous lady of his life from his wounded heart and mind – a lady whom he adores with all his being, and with whom he is totally captivated.
He cries himself to sleep, as he has done so many times – for he knows that only whilst sleeping may he ever hope to meet her, to be with her and to tell her how much he loves her – albeit only in his dreams, for he knows she is no longer a reality of his present life, just a sweet memory to cherish all his remaining days.
He prays to his God in heaven that his heavy loss may be just a passing nightmare and that a new day will dawn when his tomorrow may reveal her once again at his side and once more they may be permitted to walk a little further through life’s journey together, as one – for they were as one before that treasured part now missing was stolen from him by the jaws of death.
Yet somehow, perhaps guided by the hand of his guardian angel, he sees a ray of hope shining through all his darkness. He finds strength to cast his eyes forward into a new dimension, for he knows he shall never see her, speak to her or love her until he too passes through the gates of time and space, at his appointed hour.
And God in his mercy shows him the only route to reconciliation is by the forward arrow of his time, and he sees ahead just a distant glimmer and promise of unimaginable joy. He realizes his earthly loneliness is but limited and insignificant in terms of his time and space against the far mightier backdrop of eternity, where these limiting dimensions are all irrelevant.
He knows the day will come when she will live – and he knows with the passing of even half a lifetime here on Earth, a time in which he must live alone, those years are as nothing compared with all eternity, where he will live once more and be reunited with his heavenly queen, in total joy and glory.
He knows at his allotted hour colour will return to his darkened world, manifested by the radiant light of hope – a light so pure it will transform his existence once again into true clarity and focus. He sees before him the answer to all his prayers, all his longings, all his hopes, and all his fantasies – for they are all transformed before his eyes from mere imagination into startling reality.
He sees her – she appears distinctly on his horizon, dressed in white as a bride and she is glorious and more beautiful than he ever remembered her. She draws closer and as she does so she continues walking slowly towards him, stepping into breathtaking reality and radiating pure light and now in total perfection.
His pulse quickens at her charismatic presence and she smiles at him once more, a beautiful loving smile, and with outstretched arms she welcomes him into her eternity.
He sees nothing but love emanating from within those beautiful and affectionate eyes – love expressed so profoundly for him and pouring from her very soul, locked now onto his in perfect union. She speaks unspoken words through those gorgeous windows of her soul – words of love now more meaningful than any language he had ever known, or could ever hope to comprehend.
For now he sees clearly into her mind and heart, and as she slips her hand gently into his she smiles again so lovingly and without reservation she returns to him those precious keys to her heart and places them tenderly into his palm, then closes his hand around them. Together they walk in utter joy and happiness along the riverbank of eternity, filled with light and living waters, peace and promise – once more in harmony with all creation and all its wonders – this time for ever.
Until we meet again, my love
Copyright: Eddie Bluelights
