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Tuesday 29 July 2014


Another prompt for Magpie Tales by Tess.    MAG230

Nefertiti's Bust - Neues Museum of Berlin 
Prompt by Tess Kincade,  Magpie Tales

Nefertiti - Queen of Egypt

Oh Nefertiti, most exalted Queen of Egypt;
Lady of mystery and Mistress of drama.
Thou favoured wife of Pharaoh Arkhenaten.
Thy name, "The one of beauty has arrived",
Doth herald fame to shout it aloud from time's recorded annals. 

Thy history abounds, untarnished like tell-tale embers,
glowing still from that most charismatic Dynasty. 
A time when Egypt bloomed with untold riches,
A time of power and might unequaled through the ages
A time thine heavy crown was held aloft with pride. 
Where art thou now?  Perhaps not quite immortal.

Thou ascended from the void to become a glowing star;
the other binary, to rule with power beside thine Pharaoh.
Such beauty was not seen before, nor yet repeated.
Three and thirty centuries have not eclipsed thy glory.
Thy distant Earthly dwelling remains a sharp, 
well focused reminiscence to haunt our hearts.

Those twelve years thou dreamed up Monotheism
with that most renegade of kings, Arkenaten.
Six daughter suns were born to thee oh mighty queen.
Yet we see thee fall from heaven like a shooting star. 
For no son is born to thee, and no male successor comes.
Instead we see the boy Tutankhamen rise to glory . . . 

. . . . . not from thy womb,  oh queen, but by a lesser wife, Kira, and sired by Arkhenaten, and thou art lost for ever . . .

. . . . . to meet the real and mighty Monotheistic God.

Looks as though someone has 'nibbled' her ear  . . .  hehe!

(I found some interesting facts about Tutankhamen's life which includes mention of his father Arkhenaten and Nefertiti, plus their unpopular changes to religion - also A and N were cousins and Tutankhamen, by Kira, married one of his six half sisters.  Lots of inbreeding around that time.)  

Why not join Magpie Tales and try a poem.
It's great fun

Saturday 26 July 2014


For a change I have a slightly different 'take' on quotations this week, in the form of a dictionary of alternative meanings, and who quoted them.  

Acquaintance: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
(Ambrose Bierce, US author)

Actor: An actor is a guy who if you ain't talking about him, he ain't listening. 
(Marlon Brando)

Armour: The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.  
(Ambrose Bierce)

Atheist:  An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support. 
(John Buchan)

Baby:  A loud noise at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other. 
(Father Ronald Knox, English author)

Bachelor: A man who never makes the same mistake once. 
(Ed Wynn, 20th century US comedian)

Bank: A bank is where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and asks for it back when it begins to rain. 
(Robert Frost, US Poet)

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it. 
(Bob Hope)

Bigamist: A man who marries a beautiful girl and a good cook. 
(Chicago Herald-American)

Bore: A bore is a man who, when you ask him how he is, tells you. 
(Bert Leston Taylor, US writer)

A bore is a person who talks when you wish him to listen (Ambrose Bierce)

Brain: The apparatus with which we think we think. (Ambrose Bierce)

Breeding: Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person. 
(Mark Twain)

Calamity: Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others. 
(Ambrose Bierce)

Cannibal: A guy who does into a restaurant and orders the waiter. 
(Jack Benny)

Caricature: Caricature is the tribute mediocrity pays to genius. 
(Oscar Wilde)

Celebrity: A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. 
(Fred Allen, US comedian)

Classic: A classic is something that everybody wants to have you read and nobody wants to read. 
(Mark Twain)

 * * * More next week * * *

Please keep your quotations coming to my email:

Also tune in to Eva for some more of her  Weekend Silliness laughs.

Enjoy your weekend

Tuesday 22 July 2014


O Worship The Harley!

Behold this regal masterpiece of classical tradition;
fashioned by genius – a pinnacle of man’s inventiveness.
My countenance conveys such majesty, such strength, such beauty;
crafted as if by gods, and not mere mortal men of flesh.
Showers of praise and accolade rain and drench my person.
My mighty chest doth swell and overflow with worthy pride.

Consider then my purpose and exceptional design;
a powerhouse so supreme all others fall prostrate before me.
For while I but sleep, I am the object of awe and fascination.
How could mere mortals fashion such devastating perfection?
What miracle doth inspire such thoughts to cause my very being,
as if the gods themselves had willed and crafted my divine creation?

Beneath my face of steel, reflecting light in flight before me,
there lies a noble heart; a symphony of mighty moving parts,
which when conducted, will awaken and create such terror
that all creation shall know I, and I alone, am the rightful king of princes.
And those mere upstarts, who wouldst dare contest my reign,
Are not mine heirs but false pretenders to my throne.

Behold, I wake and stir and in season set in motion
all those inward parts of muscle and steel sinew, which
wouldst cause those fools who dare rival my authority
to bow down one by one and kneel before their king.
I roar! A thunderous bellow of a roar – like a beast possessed.
Yet this is but a prelude to such marvels as my power will fashion.

And now I rise to make the very air surrender to each blast of fury.
Hot gas and blood explode from deep within my furnace,
as each deep-throated roar progresses to my next astonishment.
Yet my engine doth but idle and my real task not accomplished.
But in due season I shall reveal my true and terrifying majesty –
My pulsating heart and lungs shall spring to life with deafening ferocity.

Claps of heavy thunder blasts cascade to mute all sounds around me,
as my real power engages into drive, propelling me to speedy motion
in a cacophony of canon fire with ever wild crescendo.
Every face transfixed in awe turns in my direction.
I throttle up yet again and shift a gear with omnipotence.
My belly shakes the very air in terror with unquenched fire,
and all before me flee in wonderment and admiration so profound.

I fly;
I fly on eagle's wings and with all my energy so harnessed.
The chilling wind doth strive in vain to cool my raging furnace,
and whatever thrust required of me I shall meet in plenty.

Now hear this, you pretenders, and mere princes who wouldst have my crown:

Get in rank! – you shall not have it for your pedigree will not stand the test of time . . . . .

 . . . . like mine.

Copyright:  Eddie Bluelights March 2009

I am honoured to receive Post of The Week award from Hilary at The Smitten Image, 6th August 2014.  
Thank you Hilary, and congratulations to the other winners.

To see how I became a big strong boy, able to handle this nasty beast click on MAG229


Here we go again . . . . another week has flown by. . . .

and another prompt set for us by Tess of Magpie Tales 


The Fruit and Veggie Shop

There once was an old grocery store
which sold nutritious produce galore
It's windows were full.
There was never a lull
in custom to buy more and more.

From outside the windows looked cute,
pitching every conceivable fruit.
Yet inside showed greens;
  Sprouts, peas and beans
and large cabbages -  whatever might suit. 

There were big ripe firm red tomatoes
And sackfuls of all kinds of potatoes
and all kinds of rices
at very good prices
And even some nice ripe avocados.

I can still hear my Mum saying clear,
 "Eat your veggies and fruit like a dear,
They'll make you grow strong,
And your life will prolong
And make you be kind and sincere!"

That's shallot . . . . 

. . . . well I could have said onion but that would have made you cry!

( hm! . . . . I wonder if Mum was right!)

Some people are surprised and touched by my use of the word "sincere".  Well, it was the only word to mind that seemed to scan and rhyme with "clear" and "dear" . . . . ROFL 

Why not have a go at poetry and join Magpie Tales HERE


I don't feel I have done the Grocery Store full justice so I have done another piece in Broad Shakespearean 
about how great this guy feels he is:

Click FURY IN MOTION to meet Harley, the beast 
. . . .  if you dare!!!  

. . . . and bring a crash helmet . . . . we're going for the ride of your life!!

Saturday 19 July 2014


Well, here we are on week 4 of quotations

I wonder if I can ask readers to promote this feature on your blogs in order so get the word round - thanks!

This week is about Money Matters and how the subject seems to have inspired a number of quotations.

A conversation was recorded by the novelist Scott Fitzgerald, who was dazzled by the glamour of the rich:
Fitzgerald: "The rich are different from us."
Ernest Hemingway: "Yes, they have more money!"

The American critic John Leonard made the same point with a little more sophistication:
"The rich are different from you and me because they have more credit."

"Red Hot Momma" blues singer Sophie Tucker summed up her own experience:
"I have been poor and I have been rich. Rich is better!"

The rich, although more fortunate than many, may not yet behave decently. One of the dukes of Argyll remarked:
"As far as I'm concerned there are only two kinds of people in the world.  Those who are nice to their servants and those who are not!"

(Bet I can guess which category he was!)

How rich is rich?  According to multi-millionaire John Jacob Astor III :
"A man who has a million dollars is as well off as if he were rich!"

Wealth is a shield against even the harshest criticisms, as the glittering showman Liberace pointed out:
"What you said hurt me very much.  I cried all the way to the bank!"

American journalist Earl Wilson:
"Success is just a matter of luck. Ask any failure!"

American comedian Jack Benny, famed for his supposed meanness, is said to have been held up one day by a gangster:

Gangster:  "Your money or your life?"
Benny: "I'm thinking it over!"

Much loved and often married, Hollywood star, Zsa Zsa Gabor remembered that:
"I never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back!"

One of the United States' Founding Fathers, Benjamin Franklin, handed out much solid practical advise, including this:
"If you would know the value of money, go and try to borrow some!"

A mis-quote from George Bernard Shaw:
"Lack of money is the root of all evil!"

Evan Esar, "The mint makes it, it is up to you to make it last!"

Elizabeth Taylor, "Money is the best deodorant!"

Bob Hope, "A bank is a place which will lend you money if you can prove you don't need it!"

Little known Eddie Bluelights had a friend who was inspired by a banker's meanness, after declining him a business load.  The mean banker, wearing a glass eye, asked him why he was not looking into his real eye, to which he relied:
"There is so much more humanity in the glass one!"

Film star Lana Turner describes the perfect marriage:
"A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.  A successful woman is one who can find such a man!"

and the last for this week!

Quentin Crisp's view of social mobility:
"Never keep up with the Jones. Drag them down to your level. It's cheaper!"

Please keep your quotations coming in - I have a few ready to post but will do a special when I get a sufficient number.

Please send to :

Finally, if you want a few more laughs please visit my friend Eva at Wrestling With Retirement for her Silly Saturday feature.

Have a good weekend and more funnies next week.

Monday 14 July 2014


Another Prompt for Magpie Tales, set by Tess, MAG228

Stair prompt by Tess Kincade


Just like their crumbling disintegrating covering,
those risers and treads in my life craved rejuvenation.
For I was threadbare, worn out and tired; 
in need of a refit and a wanting a shot in the arm. 
More iron in my blood to resuscitate my soul;
a new coat of paint and therapy to those injured frayed nerves.
My mind craved once more that youthful spring in my step,
and longed for that insatiable unquenchable fire in my belly.

That well trodden stairway of life eluded me for a while.
Yet sweet cherished flashbacks always invaded my mind,
never ceasing to rekindle memories from a former age.
A time when I tore up those steps two at a time,
and carried the love of my life, as though just a feather.

Alas, she no longer is with me now, 
for she has faded from view like a faint evening star.
She lives far beyond my reach in a new dimension;
for she has climbed her own winding stairway to Heaven,
where nothing is threadbare and perfection rules supreme.
At her direction new life was breathed into my spirit,
and the angels injected hope and happiness back into my life.

* * * * * * * * 

I have been writing to these weekly prompts for  6 weeks and sometimes find to very difficult to get an idea. It is very good discipline writing to order and not waiting for inspiration, which may never come. 

Sometimes I think:

"What on Earth can I write about this time?
I'll have to put on my famous thinking hat . . . "

Ah . . . yes . . . it works every time, just like the famous sorting hat in Harry Potter's school for witchcraft and wizardry: Hogwarts, created by J.K. Rowling.

It's great fun - why not join the group at Magpie Tales 
and have a go? 

Friday 11 July 2014


Well, here we are again . . .  my third weekly dip into that seemingly endless treasure chest of famous and sometimes infamous quotation gems.

I am pleased to see my feature is exercising your chuckle muscles and several of you have kindly given me some very funny material, which I am posting today for us.

Please keep your contributions coming and I will feature them weekly (provided they are printable, of course):

I am indebted to a lovely lady calling herself the Other Mary (Bach) who has a delightful poetry blog,  Writing In The Bachs 

(She tells me her uncle is non other than J S Bach  . . . . crumbs!  Is that a Prelude to more news or just a complicated Fugue? . . . . and does she hear Bach often or Offenbach . . . . 

. . . . and she loves music jokes and has never flown off the Handel with anyone and never confuses Mister Rimsky-Korsakov with Mister Rip your Corsets Off . . . lol)

Mary has no less than three contributions today - you see she is such a fount of wisdom; thank you Mary:

1.  Lewis Carroll, "I have believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast"

(Seven if he could possibly imagine my efforts at cooked breakfasts!)

2. E.B. White, "I get up every morning determined both to change the world and to have one hell of a good time.  Sometimes this makes planning the day difficult."

(He sounds just like me!! - not much planning here either)

3. Groucho Marx, "Learn by the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself!"

(I love Groucho - very true!  He also said, "You are only as old as the woman you feel!" - naughty boy!  I have a lot of Groucho for us - he is priceless)

And another one from my good friend Jinksy of Napple Notes.

She adds this little addenda to Oscar Wilde's quote, "He's old enough to know worse".

 " I'm definitely old enough to know worse - and I recommend it to anyone!"

(Thanks Pen)

And another, quoting her grandfather, an Anonymous Scottish Gentleman from Fife
"You can't make racehorses out of donkeys!"

(So true)

Keep them coming folks and let's Evangelise this feature to all your bloggy pals, right across BlogLand. 

Now to the formal business of the day, which is more quotes:

On the subject of music Rossini was not very complimentary to Wagner when he said:
"Wagner has beautiful moments but awful quarters of an hour!"

(Heresy!! I can just see Wagner purists seething and jumping up and down in fury as they listen to The Ring Cycle)

I've got to include this one . . . lol . . . 

Tchaikovsky on Brahms:
"What a gift less Bastard!" 

(I agree - I hate his music!)

Richard Strauss on himself:
"I may not be a first-rate composer but I am a first-class, second-rate composer!"

(I'm dying laughing here keying this lot in - I've found a new source. . . . ROFL)

A music shop in Bath had a delightful "Gone to Lunch" note on the door, simply saying, "Bach In A Minuet"

( Don't you just love it?  . . . . They could have said "Gone Chopin'  . .to get some groceries!! . . lol)

Away from music for a while - I've lot's left over for another day.

(No that was not a quote - just a statement!!)

American humorist Kin Hubbard thought being 'grown up' and good was a delusion:
"Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle - aged men."

French film star Maurice Chevalier:
"Old age isn't so bad when you consider the alternative."

Of one of his characters, American novelist Joseph Heller writes:
"He decided to live for ever, or die in the attempt".

(Boy that one is priceless)

In the French film Breathless, a smoothie writer is asked whether he has any ambition remaining in his successful and eventful life. He replied there was not much left except:

"To become immortal, and then to die!"

(Gosh . . . where do they get 'em!)

American comedian Woody Allen:
"It's not that I'm afraid to die.  I just don't want to be there when it happens."

Summing up the meaning of human existence, writer- performer Quentin Crisp says:
"Life was a funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave."

I have a couple of famous Winston Churchill quotes centring on his well-known clashes with Lady Nancy Astor:

Lady Astor:  "Sir, if you were my husband I would give you poison!"
Churchill: "Madam, if I was your husband I would take it!"


Lady Astor: "Sir, you are drunk!"
Churchill: "And Madam you are ugly . . but I shall be sober in the morning!"

(Aren't they side splitting?  . . . .such wit!  Did they have an affair I wonder? Anyone know?)

An Irishman, when asked by a motorist the way to Dublin:
"If I were you I wouldn't start from here!"

(Where else, nit-wit?)

Another Irishman, or he could be the same one, when observing and telling a motorist he had a tyre punctured,

"It could be worse, it is only flat at the bottom!"

Lord Melbourne, British Prime Minister and friend of Queen Victoria - upon hearing a sermon in church:
"Things have come to a pretty pass when religion is allowed to invade the sphere of private life."

C.E. Montague, a journalist, served at the front in WW1 but found that there was more hysteria behind the lines. He wrote, modifying Shakespeare a little:
"Hell hath no fury like a non-combatant."

Well not all quotes are happy ones and I end on a somber note with this almost unbelievable quote from Mark Twain, just before his death bed and summing up his entire human existence and just what life meant to him as an atheist, with nothing whatsoever to hope for:

 "A myriad of men are born, they labour and sweat and struggle for bread. They squabble and scold and fight. They scramble for little mean advantages over each other. Age creeps upon them. Infirmities follow.  Shames and humiliations bring down their prides and their vanities. Those they love are taken from them and the joy of life has turned to aching grief. The burden of pain and care and misery grows heavier year by year. At length, ambition is dead. Pride is dead. Vanity is dead. Longing for release is in their place. It comes at last.  Death, the only un-poisoned gift earth ever had for them. And they vanish from a world where they were of no consequence, where they achieved nothing, where they were a mistake and a failure and a foolishness, where they have left no sign that they have existed in a world which will lament them a day and forget them forever. And then another myriad takes their place and copies all they did and goes along the same profitless road and vanishes as they vanished to make room for another and another and millions of myriads to follow the same arid path through the same desert and accomplish what the first myriad and all the myriads that came after it accomplished . . . . nothing." 

(I find this utterly astonishing!  This remarkable genius summing up his life like that)

Well next week I shall be back to happy quotes, I promise.

All about Money Matters

I shall be very interested to receive your quote contributions:

My email address is:

And for a few more laughs please visit my good friend Eva from across the pond for her regular feature Weekend Silliness

Tuesday 8 July 2014


Another Magpie Tale 
Prompt set by Tess MAG227

Some dude with a cat around 1850s 
Tintype provided by Tess Kincade, Magpie Tales

We sense a coming nightmare; a holocaust.
This cloned nonet recoils in unison. 
All nine predict blood and imminent danger.
All nine stand resolute together, 
unified by razor sharp sixth senses.
All nine know within their souls,
. . . .  this is not a place we want to be.

Nine lives think as one and cannot all be wrong;
for we are unanimous in fear, that rarest of perceptions,
which speaks and warns that something is far amiss. 
A man like you, who cannot face the light,
is dark by nature and is no friend of mine.
I can see it all, etched deep within in your soul; 
. . . . unbridled, abounding cruelty! 

My mind shows an image of self preservation.
My tail is up and my back is arched,
 and I sound a feline warning to you.
Back off - I do not trust your face! 
I do not like you!
You scare me!
 . . . and I cannot stay in this darkness.

All my senses rebel, as if you are anti-matter.
 I panic as I scratch and claw my way to freedom.
I cannot remain with you, for you are pure evil,
and I know if I stayed even a heartbeat in time
. . . . . . you would kill or harm me.

You must remain here alone, 
framed in time and space for eternity.
And in due season I must die, 
one by one with my other lives.

. . . . or fail, and become an everlasting tormented hologram.

* * * * * * * * * 

I had to think long and hard about this one to find an idea and a starting point.

For those who did not see my last poem and would like to please click PATIENCE MAG226