EDDIE'S FULL LENGTH BANANA OUTFIT

Well - I have been dreading this all week!!!  

 My natural shyness would normally prohibit me from adhering to your most persistent and insistent badgering, which I have been receiving all week, since my last post!!

Eventually I caved in !!!

I just knew this would happen!!!

So I took a deep breath and got into my banana skin once more . . . . just for you!!
The things I for for my fellow bloggers.

You really ARE an inquisitive lot!

Your natural curiosity can be categorised into five distinct sections:

1.  Q. How do you manage to walk without falling over?
A. On my feet, they are on the end of my legs, you silly people!

2. Q.  How can we tell whether you are right way up or upside down?
A.  Stand on your heads and if I don't look right do a 180 degree flip!

3.  Q. Will you break if you sit down?
A. Some hopes sitting down in this lot besides I would not risk it!

4.  Q. Has anyone ever said, "I want to eat you!"
A.  I shall refrain from answering this question!!

5. Q.  What do people say to you when you meet them in the street?
A.  Oh! a whole range of things like:

Are you going to live to a RIPE old age?
How do you bend down to untie your shoe laces?
Can you stand on your head?
Can you run faster than a monkey?
Do you hang out with a BUNCH of guys?
When you enter a grocery store do the ladies try to buy you first?
Can I unzip you?
Do you ever go green with envy?
Have you ever had a fight with a cucumber?
Would you feel like a cannibal if you ate a banana?
Have you ever forgotten to do up your zipper?
Has your zip ever broken?
Has anyone ever confused you with a satsuma?
Have you ever been booked for acting like a suspicious character?

 . . . oh and many others!


The remaining comments are quite unprintable!

(A more sensible post next time - I promise)

EDDIE GETS A MAKEOVER

I will get straight to the point - with no beating about the bush, whatsoever!!

Several of you ladies blatantly have come straight out with it - absolutely fearlessly and unreservedly.  

I have been informed in no uncertain terms I require a makeover!!
. . . . . .  and a radical one at that!

Of course you all insist you have my best interests at heart so I can enhance my appeal with the ladies, now I am single again.  Well, OK, I'll go along with the fact that some minor cosmetic improvements may well be desirable, but really, some of your suggestions!! - well I would never believe them possible! They are way over the top! Are they really necessary?
DON'T ANSWER THAT! lol

I shall spare your blushes, you culprits and others looking on and nodding and giggling quietly and I will be kind this time and refrain from revealing your identities

YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!

Shame on you!! lol

The first suggestion of a possible improvement to Eddie's appearance was revealed to me in June 2011 when I had that dreadful time with my telephone when I was cut off for days by TALKTALK, my then Service Provider, and I almost smashed my telephone with that large mallet in frustration.  Remember?

OK, I received a fair few relevant comments about the situation and all of you were sympathetic.  Yet I remember a certain individual, one gal who was so excited she emailed me right way, 

"Eddie! You look ten years younger! Have you had a makeover?  Come on, Eddie it's either a wig or you've had a rinse, like I've been telling you to do for months!  You've actually had it, haven't you??"

I wrote back and said, "I've had neither, my dear", to which she replied, "You must have - me and my friend are certain  you have - it's gotta be one or other!"

I was forced to do something radical to convince her that it was just the different lighting that had made the difference and the only thing I could think of was to send her an email something like this!

THIS IS EDDIE WEARING A WIG! - Right?

But there is no way Eddie with the hammer was wearing a wig!! - Right?

Nor had he had a rinse! . . . . nor did he have his hair spiked up like you constantly suggest he does!

Now to convince you, do you realise I have had a great deal of trouble getting that wig for the photo?  I had to borrow it form a lady I know.  I have never had to ask a lady if I could borrow her wig before and it was a trifle tricky and very embarrassing!  The things I do for you! She gave me a real funny look and asked me why I wanted it.  I said it was for personal reasons but I didn't want it for long and would return it within the hour!  So she gave me such a funny look again and I was relieved when she said, "OK, but make sure it is not damaged".  I put it in a plastic bag, got it home, put it on and got out my camera. I was laughing so darned hard I dropped the camera, the wig fell off and I sat on it!!  Panic stricken I examined it and fell on my knees thanking God it was OK.  Then I managed to take the snap before returning the wig, saying to the bewildered woman, "That's better! - thanks!"  

She gave me a long hard look like I belonged to the funny farm.

My girl blogging friend and her girlfriend were in hysterics for days and weeks after that and eventually said, "We surrender!  we surrender! You must be right!  It must have been  less light shining on the top of your head on the original photo, but we both still say you need that rinse and while you're at it go to the gym and have a series of workouts!  Boy you need them!!  And then you might resemble a hunk!" 

You see what friends I have, don't you!!

Well let's fast forward to last Sunday.  Another dear blogging lady sent me a video!!  

Yes, a complete video about this poor chap giving himself a very painful and stressful makeover so he could find the girl of his dreams - the poor sod!  She said that I should study the video in detail and follow this guy's example if and when I ever thought of contacting a dating agency and if I did so I would be rewarded for my efforts and perseverance.

Just take a look at this!!

It's really funny lol

Hope you enjoyed that!!

Well, this lady said she and some of her friends consider I should:

1. Use the typo correction fluid to give me sparkling white teeth.

2. Use the safely pins to take the wrinkles out of my face.

3. Use the electric shock to straighten me and make me taller.

4. Use the file

5. Use the glue

in fact use everything!!

. . . . . and they have warned me against selecting too young and ravishing a lady like that gorgeous girl in the movie, otherwise when she sneezes in the car her face might blow off.

Another said, "Eddie, I will buy you the tools and all the equipment, and if you do it I'll then give you my mobile number!"

Another was not so encouraging, suggesting if I am lucky I might attract someone like this:

Hope she's filthy rich!!

Well you asked me to start blogging again - so here I am!

Confession time!

1. The two blogging ladies are real and they are such great friends - thank you both.

2. I used a lot of creative writing licence here, of course!

3. I'm not saying anything about the wig!!! ROFL

AND

I am grateful to Keith Smith at My Secret Journal for sending this video to my friend Betsy at My Five Men

Master Bluelights and big sister Maggie

I have not much time for writing lately but I came across this delightful photograph of Maggie and I when we were innocent little children, long before the big bad world corrupted me - Maggie is perfect, and always will be of course. LOL

So these little children grew up to be Maggie May of Nuts and May and non other than the infamous Eddie Bluelights, and just in case anyone does not know, we are indeed brother and sister.

We look very happy here, don't we? We were very happy! We were living in the North of England and this was a huge garden where I used to drive my little blue pedal car, round and round and Maggie on her little red tricycle. Yet on this occasion you can see us sitting it out. My dad was taking the photo so we are not able to see him but I do have an earlier shot of our dear mother, Hazel with Maggie and our pet spaniel, Rex.

See the sparkle and love in mother's eyes - she was so happy, wonderful, so loving and so strong. She really looked invincible . . . immortal through our eyes. I wish she could have stayed like this for ever. Perhaps my wish, and now my earnest prayer, may have been granted, for one day we might see her again in her prime - just like this, but this time for ever in Heaven, never to die again. Dear mother passed away about this time in 2001. We still miss her badly, as we do our father.

Want to see Eddie as a baby?

Oh go on then!

Little rascal, aren't I Marguerite? LOL

One day I will write a post about my mother - it was very sad at the end but she had a look of Faith and Hope in her eyes as she lay in her hospital bed just before she died.