Happy Father's Day

Father's Day is relatively new in England, perhaps 10 years here, following importing the idea from the States. As a family we could not all celebrate it together this year since my daughter was busy elsewhere, but we did all meet up at the morning church service where we exchanged all the usual hugs and cuddles for the occasion.

I have a wonderful wife and two great children - a super 17 year old son, Big J, and an equally super 27 year old daughter, Little S, who you might have heard singing on my blog. Their sizes bear no relevance to their seniority since my daughter is 10 years older than my son - it is of course with reference to their heights, since Big J is growing into a huge Oak Tree, leaving his dad looking ever upwards and asking him, "What's the weather like up there?"
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Of course the father/daughter thing is very prevalent - the word 'little' being a word of endearment, and in no way hampering her proven ability to stand alone in Cosmos Diabolicus. That said, she knows she will always be 'my little daughter' since she is the apple of my eye - there is nothing on this planet quite like the relationship between father and daughter. Don't get me wrong - I love them both to bits. The same can be said about the son/mother relationship - if, and only if you tow the line and don't make too much mess or clear up after yourself, big J!
Then peace will prevail and I won't have to intercede for you! Aren't us dad's useful! I'll put it on the bill!
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With all the recent talk of lions on my recent posts I can honestly say that I would have jumped nervously into a lion's den to protect those kids when they were young, sweet and innocent - I probably would do so now also because I told them on Sunday coming out of church I am very, very proud of both of them and I said I could not have wished for two better children. They are both thoroughly decent, thoughtful and responsible young people who will be an asset to planet Earth. I also told them I loved them both very, very much. Now - enough of the soft talk!

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Big J has this sign over his study/bedroom:

Any excuse to practice his electric guitar or dive into his computer games in preference to his studies!!! "Don't nag! Mum and Dad, I'll do my homework later . . . . and later . . . and later!!

Just in case you missed it big J gave me an interesting present which I value highly - he chose it all by himself and being highly proficient in knowing just how to get to his dad's heart he chose this plaque which now occupies a place of pride in my study.

My daughter presented me with a great book entitled "HALF WIT, The Silliest Things People Wish They'd Never Said".

Err! thank you daughter, and I commend you on your bravery - actually she knows me very well since it contains lots and lots of really silly quotations and I now have enough material to seriously rival Granny on the Web with her great humorous posts. I like nothing more than silly things!! Thank you little S. This book will go nicely with a present my wife gave me last Christmas, entitled, "YOU KNOW YOU'RE PAST IT WHEN . . . . " Err! Gee! Err! thanks love!! Actually it is a fabulous read and I will use it on posts from time to time . . . . . so watch out Granny!! . . . . . . lots of material there.

I am very grateful for the new watch from my wife with the inscription, "Don't be late - you've no excuse now! This watch will keep time!!" Hmm! Another piece of freedom gone!! Oh well! Thanks dear!!

My daughter knows the way into her dad's heart very well - she does not do it for any particular reason like, "Dad, I'd like a Ferrari or a Porche please!" No she does it simply because she is a lovely daughter. One of her previous Happy Fathers Day cards 'got to me' a couple of years ago. I keep it on display in my study next to my Bible - such is how highly I value that little card with its simple and loving meaning - it speaks volumes!!

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There was a period in my life when I commuted from Bristol to Darwen in Lancashire on business. .

I journeyed on Monday and returned on Friday while the 'girls' stayed at home - Big J was a mere twickle in my eye at that time. I was on a special secondment during my managerial days integrating a complex computer system into a company who had 'acquired' my company just prior to closing it down - nasty so and sos. I was responsible for £5 million business and they had no system to cope with it so for once in my life I had a company by 'the short and curlies' for about six months. My daughter was very young and she wrote this card which I shall always treasure.

I must admit whenever I look at this my eyes smart, I cross my legs and I feel decidely uncomfortable. Now look, love, I know I have long legs, but this is ridiculous!!

Where am I? I mean where are my vitals? Something is seriously out of place!!

You look quite well proportioned but did you always envisage me walking on stilts or when you drew it were you lying on the floor looking up. Ouch! No wonder you are trying to console me with a bunch of flowers.

Actually, we all saw this card and others recently and were in hoots about it - at my expense yet again I hasten to say!!

Inside the card she wrote a very moving message which I will not show on this ocassion.

In conclusion I wish to publicly congratulate my daughter. Last July she graduated with a BA (Hons) in Education and Drama and in July this year she will graduate again with her PCGE in teaching Primary School children Key Stage 1.
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Further, she applied for and won a teaching post in a very good primary school not far from where she lives. This was her first job application and she won it even before she was a NQT (Newly Qualified Teacher).

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Her mother and I prayed together aloud to God during the interview - we prayed earnestly and with a feeling of expectancy because our daughter has done a lot of good for others during her short life and I suggested to God this might be an opportunity for 'pay back time'. Perhaps it was or perhaps it was entirely down to her own ability but the main thing is - she got it! And thank you God anyway.

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Oh! you might be asking, "What did your daughter do?"

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She has always been a very fine singer and when she was just 17 she staged a concert in our local Methodist Church to raise money for Kosovan Refugees. She filled the church, sang 16 beautiful solos and raised £1300. She did other concerts and raised money for other causes.
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Big J - your time will come my boy, but for now I salute you my daughter and I am very, very proud of you.

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God Bless you both and of course my wife also.

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And now a very pleasant surprise.

Contender for Post Of The Day 29 June 2009.

Presented by David McMahon at Authoblog. Thank you David - this is much appreciated and I am honoured.

My congratulations to the joint winners and other contenders.

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Now previews of coming attractions:
A number of you have asked for some Ambulance Stories which I promised you a while ago.
I am very sorry I have not had time to post any recent stories as yet but I have started to write them. Life is a bit hectic lately, both inside and outside of Blogsville.
There will be some sad ones - there will be some funny ones - I'll try to get some posted as soon as I can.
I did an ambulance type post called Fond Memories of a Dear Patient which you might like to read. This was my very first post in January 2008 and I decided to wait until I had a larger following before I posted more like that. Thanks for your interest.

Awards Ceremony with a very Special Surprise

Welcome to my Awards Ceremony - there's quite a lot to do tonight and in places my post looks a little like Eddie's last will and testament - so please bear with me. I have arrived back recently from St Helena, my temporary self imposed residence in exile, so I am a bit jet-lagged and not yet fully operational (I never am actually!). I look a bit like Napoleon with my arm tucked into my jacket and wearing a funny hat at right angles to how I think it should be worn . . . . . but wait! . . . today is a very special day . . . with a wonderful surprise at its conclusion . . . a HUGE, HUGE SCOOP which any news person would gladly die for! - a blockbuster of a story . . . exclusive to Eddie - to be seen ONLY on Eddie's blog - a WORLD EXCLUSIVE! What a lot of lovely lolly I am going to make!!

But first the business of the day. Please be patient - all will be revealed in due course.

(In the interest of security there will be no admittance for Lions or Tigers - only little pets can accompany their owners. Also it will be very hot here and therefore plenty of facilities will be available for cold showers if and when required. Laughing gas, Nitrous Oxide, is available for those with no sense of humour whatsoever and the event organiser retains the right to administer this compulsorily. So let your hair down please and enjoy yourselves!)

Today I am very grateful to my wonderful and gorgeous Italian/American friend, Lola, a rich genetic soup of a gal, who has flown all the way over from Rome with her assistant Theresa, a bit of a stony-faced grey bird with a strange permanent expression on her face, last seen in a church in Rome. They have kindly offered to provide full catering facilities at knock down prices for this star laden gathering, including some of the 'elite' from amongst the blogging community. We have some enterprising new bloggers in our midst together with some of the greatest writers, poets, artists and photographers alive today in blogsville and beyond. If I have omitted anyone it is simply that I have not met you yet - kindly advance and be recognised if, that is, you wish to advance and be recognised. If not there are plenty of Fawlty Towers utubes on the side panel to amuse you.

Lola has put on a wonderful buffet spread comprising cucumber sandwiches, strawberries and cream and lashings of her wonderful chocolate, plus some really grand Italian vino. Applause please. Bravo! Bravo! Grazie! Grazie!

Then we have a cabaret for you. Eddie will do the Richard III death scene in broad Lancastrian Shakespearean accent whilst limping around the stage on his bad hip, looking for his horse, and squirting generous lashings of tomato ketchup all over the place, shouting his head off in blank verse, whilst trying hard not to slip and fall flat on his face. He will have to tread the boards carefully since we cannot afford the services of a paramedic today.

Then on the sidebar, should anyone require further entertainment, we have an interesting utube where Bill Bailey, a famous television performer and pianist extraordinaire, will explain Cockney music and how this relates to the classical repertoire within the musical world. Bill has agreed his services free of charge because, listen to this, his father was, prior to his retirement, a General Practitioner in Eddie's doctor's surgery in his home town - quite remarkable isn't it? I seem to know a lot of influential people don't I? Small world, isn't it?

Talking of influential people I had hoped to be recognised in this year's New Year's Honours list - I say this because at school my nickname was Sir Ed and I have always wondered whether this in some way might be prophetic. All I can say is if I can swing it with Her Majesty, then there is one in it for you Jim of Suldog if, and only if you can explain to me in precise detail the rules of American Football. This game seems completely devoid of any logic or rules whatsoever, and if they do exist, they are as yet totally incomprehensible to a gentleman of England who understands very well both versions of "Rugger" - both league and union. These games are entirely logical yet you Yanks seem to have modified the basic rules extensively for your version of the game. Please remember we invented "Rugger" at Eaton in Rugby and somehow you have turned it into a game where the field is covered with swarms of multi-coloured wild locusts attired in modern day armour, beating the living daylights out of each other, whether or not anyone has the ball and where there seem to be no rules or purpose or order whatsoever - explain yourself please, Sir!!! Are there ANY rules or is it just an excuse to beat the crap out of each other and pinch the ref's whistle? And why all the armour? Our lads don't seem to require it! Are your lot a load of sissies? LOL (God! What have I done!! I must run for cover and hide!! HELP!!)

But Jim, on a serious note I loved your likes and dislikes list regarding blogging etiquette. Agree with you entirely - what gentlemen we are, eh!

Now after that small digression I have great pleasure in announcing the awards:

So time ago I was presented with the Premios Dardo Literary Award by my dear friend Janine of Sniffles and Smiles . As most of you know she has retired for a well deserved rest and is hiding out in a secret bunker as we speak. At the time I had hoped to pass this reward on to 5 people but managed to do so only to my great friend Lola of Aglio, Olio & Peperoncino.
I have 4 more rewards tonight for this very prestigious prize . . . . . .
. . . . for services to literature, requiring deep thinking, innovation and taking risks whilst writing.
There are those to whom I would wish to present this award but they already have it.
It now gives me great pleasure to make these awards to these writers whom I admire greatly, please pass on to 5 bloggers of your choice:

Erin at Woman in a Window
Prodigious output and very well written posts, everyone of them. I do not always get the chance to visit or comment but do so whenever I can - recently I enjoyed enormously your cow shit post! Looking forward to getting to know you better in cleaner surroundings, madam. Oh and please pull back the curtains from your window and let me see your smiling face. Oh! your other blog In through the Back Door Is it safe to enter I wonder?

Meredith at The Things We Carried
We all look up to you in admiration - perfection indeed. Loved your company in the Grand National and you are a lovely person and very kind, and I love your taste in classical music. I'll see you in next year's National.

Kathryn at Crystal Jigsaw
Heard recently you are a northern lass - well that explains a lot! We are kindred spirits of the north. You have a great blog, and did you know I put you back together in the Grand National after your fall? We reassembled the crystal jigsaw puzzle!! How kind of me - it's there in the records on my post.

David at Authorblog
A true shepherd looking after his 850 sheep. How on Earth you do it I cannot fathom. Also, seeing as you 'dish out' millions on POTDs it might be nice if you had one in return for your much appreciated work and example to others - a true gentleman . . . . and I have a special job for you tonight!! Please read on!!

Next award, the Renee Award.I was honoured to receive this award from Lola of Aglio, Olio & Peperoncino along with the Uplifting Bloggers Award. I was so grateful there were two heavy awards because I could put one under each arm and walk with balance, poise and dignity and not stumble along weighed down on one side, walking in circles like a 'blethering idiot' - thanks Lola.
It looks a little rude to me, Lola - but in essence the end product should be a mighty Oak Tree. I did wonder whether you considered I might possess a little acorn but I took your award in the spirit I thought you intended to convey - once again, Thank You.

So for the Renee award I am pleased to invite these friends to the platform and ask them to pass the award to 5 worthy bloggers:

C Michael Cox at The God of Another Worldfor your magnificent poetry. Alone, I am not nearly qualified to judge any outstanding poetry but I note all response comments from many very capable and qualified writers and they are all unanimous - you 'wow' them all, Michael, and consistently do so. And your work should be recognised at the very highest level.

Jane at Gaston Studio
Another wonderful writer - we all look up to you Jane and respect you enormously. Recently I particularly enjoyed your FBI post.

Robynn at Robynn's Ravings
A consistent good read with energy and enthusiasm - great sense of humour.
I feel totally breathless when I call round - the sheer pace of things there!!

Val at Val's Ramblings
A very prodigious writer with some charming and delightful stories - I regret I am not able time wise to visit more frequently but I would urge others to do so. I extend my friendship to you Val with this award.

Granny on the WebFor a consistent, high quality, side splitting laugh each and every day PLUS very kind comments and encouragement to others - and you come from Lancashire to boot, "EEh Baye Gum! Lass! Gradely done!" (We understand that lingo don't we?)

Sarah at Que Sarah Sarah I enjoy your posts very much and started to visit you regularly. They are short and sharp and interesting. I like your ideas and your sense of humour - also I have never met the wife of a preacher before. Does that mean you are always good?
There is another blog by this name - is it related?

Next award, the Uplifting Bloggers Award
This goes to fellow bloggers who visit frequently and raise spirits with their kind words of encouragement, their beautiful images and their wonderful outlook on life. They make blogging a positive experience and continue to make life richer.

I am very pleased to award these super people as follows and ask them to pass the award to 5 bloggers with relevant characteristics:

Janine at Sniffles and Smiles
Janine is a 'dynamo' of a writer, endless ideas and beautifully constructed posts written with feeling and warmth to convey her stories - whether in sniffles or in smiles they elicit powerful emotions. I do not have an appropriate award to cover your creative writing - you already have them - but I am concentrating tonight on the encouragement to others side of things.

Currently Janine is out of town, holed up in her bunker dodging the bullets and shells of life whilst charging up her batteries. I am particularly pleased to make this award because Janine is always supportive, kind, considerate and she encourages others consistently and always with a smile. Janine has given me three awards and it gives me very great pleasure to present this one to her. I shall sit on it and keep it warm for you, Janine, until you are able to collect it upon your return.
Rosaria at sixtyfivewhatnowFor your consistent support and encouraging comments - and of course for your great blog and widely acknowledged writing skills.
Debbie at Dishing with DebbieBrilliant blog and a wonderful cheery outlook on life. I loved your roast interview as well. Lovely lass and we all love you. Loved your video Debbie making waffles - yum yum!

Jim and Suldog
I know I'm stepping into a lion's den here awarding this but I love your blog and you have a super sense of humour - I hope! Loved to see you roasted alive on Sunday a few weeks back. Most of all I award this to you for your modesty!!!! . (Chorus: WHAT THE 'ELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT EDDIE - MODESTY???) . . . . . . . as I was saying, for that my friend you get a unique special additional award . . .
. . . a plate of British Fish and Chips with too much ketchup by far - isn't it awful? Uggh! It's just for you Jim as another example of an Anglo-American special relationship - the covenant deal is for you provide the ketchup and I provide the fish and chips! . . . and together we make a hell of a mess and we can walk through the carcasses together. Do we have a deal? Don't eat them all at once!!!
And still with the uplifting blogger award (with a plate of fish and chips if you wish) some more favs, including some very promising new bloggers, as well as some golden oldies:

(Please drop by to say "hi" to our popular new bloggers)

Jackie at Teacher's Pet
A new friend, a lovely lady and a think a rising star I am sure.

Bernie at On My Own
You must be nice because you like my sense of humour and my mates Albert Ramsbottom and Sam Small. I am looking forward to seeing more of your blog in due course.

Christopher at Christopher's Photos
A young man from Denmark and a brilliant photographer. A must visit!

Debbie at singlemuminacomplicatedworld
Interesting posts consistently.

Sassie Scibbles
Another new blogger and she is newly married. She and hubby recently donated blood which by me is a great thing to do.

RibbonBeautiful blog

To my friend Lola of Aglio, Olio & Peperoncino I present my You Make Me Smile Award. I love your blog and I smile regularly because I have two left spoons in the kitchen and I think your culinary masterpieces are way over my head. But you write such interesting stuff as well and so well researched and by golly, you can't half ride a horse. So please pick up your trophy on account until I get a better one which you do not already have and please pass the award on to 5 or more bloggers who make you smile. Ciao dear friend.

It is fitting that we end the award ceremony with Ribbon because a while ago she invited us to take a symbol of peace with us from her blog to place on our side panels and that is what I am inviting you to do tonight. (Grab a piece of this Peace tonight)

Oh and while we're at it there are millions of Zombie Chicken Awards littered all over my place, multiplying like rabbits!!
Would you you ALL please, take the wretched things away before I have to shoot the lot of them - please collect one each on your way home and don't forget the giblets! I feel quite sick!

AND NOW LADIES AND GENTLEMEN with the awards ceremony completed I have a real treat for you . . . . all please gather round . . . . I have a news scoop of gigantian proportions for you!
I am delighted to announce that Eddie has tracked down Janine to her secret bunker with the assistance of David from Authorblog. After secret negotiations Janine has agreed to reappear from her hideout and be filmed for this evening's proceedings. David has has agreed to hang up his still camera in preference for a short assignment as a video production cameraman for this exceptional video recording - and what a cracking job he did too! He deserves to award himself POTD!

Folks, we've captured Janine singing a song for us with Eddie Bluelights at her side - altogether, "ahhh!"

Janine wanted to send a message to all her friends and the best way she thought was to sing you all a song, "We'll meet again!" For copyright purposes Eddie and Janine had agree to be made up to look like Dick Van Dyke and Julie Andrews, but don't be fooled - you can see the zeal of Janine and the twinkle in Eddie's eyes and just look at the way her looks at Janine during the song - honestly, it speaks volumes of how we all feel about her. It is remarkable that Janine now talks with a British accent whilst Eddie talks with an American accent - how strange!
In war time WW2 Dame Vera Lynn was the 'Forces' Sweetheart' singing this song but within blogsville Janine is our own 'Bloggers' Sweetheart' and we all love you and want you to return to us as soon as you are ready and able. Is there no end to your talents? You can write! You can paint! You can take good photos and now . . . . . we see you can sing beautifully!
Interestingly enough an anagram of Dame Vera Lynn reads . . . . . .

EVERY LAND, MAN . . . . . and Janine has followers in every land, man!! All over the world in fact!!

At the start of the video there is a bit of banter with Eddie and Janine. She explains about some dangerous missiles shooting over her head while she is in her bunker but Eddie finally shuts up and lets Janine get on with her lovely song, which she sings beautifully.

So without further ado ladies and gentlemen, please all stand to attention for her song and please join in the chorus at the end. The floor is yours, Janine, and we sign off with "We'll meet again".


Eddie was so moved he seriously contemplated singing "Chim chimeny, chim chimeny, chim chim cheroo" but thought better of it - he just looked at her and gave a big, big sigh!

STANLEY HOLLOWAY MONOLOGUES

On my last post we have just met a few lions and this reminds me of some short poems.

While I am writing up some ambulance stories I thought you might be interested to read one of Stanley Holloway's monologues. These short poems were written circa 1930 - 1940 and were highly popular in their day, and in fact still well-known today.
I am writing all of them up on my other blog, Plato's Procrastinations, but as a taster here is one I like very much, The Lion and Albert, the first part of a trilogy, in which a little northern lad, Albert Ramsbottom, gets into a spot of bother with a lion. Oh dear!

My cousin Rodney and I used to recite this and many of Stanley's famous monologues, and I recited one recently to a 90 year old patient, causing him to remark I had made his day.

THE LION AND ALBERT
by Marriott Edgar (1932)

There's a famous seaside place called Blackpool,
That's noted for fresh air and fun,
And Mister and Missus Ramsbottom
Went there with young Albert, their son.

A grand little lad was young Albert,
All dressed in his best; quite a swell
With a stick with a 'orse's 'ead 'andle,
The finest that Woolworth's could sell.

They didn't think much to the Ocean:
The waves, they was fiddlin' and small,
There were no wrecks and nobody 'drownded',
'Fact nothing to laugh at at all.

So, seeking for further amusement,
They paid and went into the Zoo,
Where they'd Lions and Tigers and Camels,
And old ale and sandwiches too.

There were one great big Lion called Wallace;
His nose were all covered with scars -
He lay in a somnolent posture,
With the side of his face on the bars.

Now Albert had heard about Lions,
How they was ferocious and wild -
To see Wallace lying so peaceful,
Well, it didn't seem right to the child.

So straightway the brave little 'feller',
Not showing a morsel of fear,
Took his stick with his 'orse's 'ead 'andle
And pushed it in Wallace's ear.

You could see that the Lion didn't like it,
For giving a kind of a roll,
He pulled Albert inside the cage with 'im,
And swallowed the little lad 'ole.

Then Pa, who had seen the occurrence,
And didn't know what to do next,
Said, "Mother! Yon Lion's 'ate' Albert",
And Mother said, "Well, I am vexed!"

Then Mister and Missus Ramsbottom -
Quite rightly, when all said and done -
Complained to the Animal Keeper,
That the Lion had eaten their son.

The Keeper was quite nice about it;
He said, "What a nasty mishap.
Are you sure that it's your boy he's eaten ?"
Pa said, "Am I sure ? - There's his cap!"

The manager had to be sent for.
He came and he said, "What's to do ?"
Pa said, "Yon Lion's 'ate' Albert,
And 'im and 'is Sunday clothes, too."

Then Mother said, "Rights right, young 'feller';
I think it's a shame and a sin,
For a Lion to go and eat Albert,
And after we've paid to come in."

The manager wanted no trouble,
He took out his purse right away,
Saying, "How much to settle the matter ?"
And Pa said, "What d'yer usually pay ?"

But Mother had turned a bit awkward
When she thought where her Albert had gone.
She said, "No! someone's got to be summonsed."
So that was decided upon.

Then off they went to the Police Station,
In front of the Magistrate chap;
They told 'im what happened to Albert,
And proved it by showing his cap.

The Magistrate gave his opinion
That no one was really to blame
And he said that he hoped that the Ramsbottoms
Would have further sons to their name.

At that Mother got proper blazing,
"And thank you, sir, kindly," said she.
"What, waste all our lives raising children
To feed ruddy Lions, not me!"

I've found a utube of Stanley reciting this monologue but first he recites Sam, Pick Oop Tha' Musket. Sam Small is a soldier and another favourite character.



The sequel, The Return of Albert, is posted on my other blog, Plato's Procrastinations.

And I am pleased to say I have all the monologues indexed HERE . Just click on each title of interest and it will be there for you - enjoy.  They are all fabulous.  I used to be able to recite almost all of them.

Battle at Kruger (Lions, Buffalos and a Crocodile)

I have never ever seen anything like this utube footage before, shot by an amateur video photographer. Have you ever seen a lion in water? - I haven't! - a 'moist lion' you might say. I know tigers like water but I always thought lions hated it; but hunger amongst wild animals will allow almost anything to occur. And these are not small domestic animals, are they? They are amongst the earth's largest carnivores today.

Notice how buffaloes instinctively hate lions and how wary the lions are of these much larger animals - one which tossed that lion into the air so effortlessly.

This is a truly astounding battle of wits and how the herd finally overcame their fear and rescued the calf, with the added earlier complication of a crocodile turning up for its dinner! And wasn't it remarkable - the tug-o-war between lions and the crocodile? The thought occurred that a lion could easily have been a target. Miraculously, it looks at the end as if the calf did survive and let's hope it did not sustain major injury after all that rough treatment.

I can't help feeling that if the leading male buffalo had stood his ground, supported by the herd, right at the start then the lions might have backed off - but who knows?

And then a thought came into my head - has it always been like this? Violent, cuel nature where animals eat each other? . . . . and what about the future?

In the Bible in Isaiah chapter 65 we read that in the future ". . . . the lion shall eat straw with the ox" implying that peace will break out within creation. Those who take the Bible literally believe this situation will come to pass in a new time period in the future, just after the Second Coming. In this new "dispensation" (or time period) the Fall will be reversed, totally - the Fall itself having caused our present state of things within creation, before which a similar peace prevailed.

Just imagine a mother enquiring of her husband as to the whereabouts of their little boy. "Darling, have you seen David? Where is he?"

"Oh it's alright, love, he's just taken the lion for a walk!"

"Oh, that's alright then!"

The Bible promises that this future age, or time period, will be just like this - it seems utterly impossible for us to comprehend it right now, and course the whole subject is hotly debated in our age.

But this new future dispensation certainly is not for now - we live in our current dispensation when nature is very cruel indeed.

Pie in the sky? Surely this idea goes against everything we have learned and know in our experience!

Well . . . maybe not! . . . . I wonder!

But remember even if this is true, if you get your dispensations wrong right here and now it can be very dangerous for your health!!

Time for a Rest and Reflection

Today I have been having serious thoughts concerning my involvement within the blogging arena.

I have made this decision.

Today will be my penultimate post for a while - but there is one other I wish to post before I take a long rest from the blog world for a few weeks. I am extremely tired and drained - I require a complete battery recharge and it must be now. Sometimes I am up until 1am or 2am, sometimes later, and this is affecting my life, my judgements and my relationships with my real world responsibilities, plus several unintended mistakes whilst corresponding inside blog sphere. I am looking forward immensely to retiring to my bed at a reasonable hour and rising suitably refreshed the next morning - I've forgotten what that luxury is like.

I find the blog world is beginning to take over my real world and I am neglecting areas of life which should have my full attention. I would go further, I am beginning to be totally addicted to it and this situation is ridiculous and I will not allow it to continue. I have not learned yet how to achieve the required balance. However, I love the blog life and I have enjoyed your fellowship and the challenge of writing.

My alternative was to 'scale back' but I find this option very difficult since the whole operation of writing, visiting and commenting is part and parcel of blog life and I feel I cannot do it by halves. It is not fair on my readers.

Whilst writing I have several apologies to make:

I am deeply concerned that I have failed to visit my followers' blog sites consistently and make appropriate comments to their work. I know this is hurtful because I have found this to be the case myself, so I understand how you must feel, totally. Please accept my apologies for this - I have tried to visit on occasions but it really should be a regular visit for every post for every follower, and I am sorry I just have not got the time available for regular reading and commenting when I have a full time job and domestic responsibilities. Perhaps when I retire things may be different - I do hope so.

Secondly, I have created this character, Eddie Bluelights, and I believe he has been accepted into the community to some degree and I am grateful for this. However, in my enthusiasm for his perhaps over developed sense of humour I may have exceeded the bounds of normal blogging behaviour and, whereas I do not think this has upset anyone in particular, I must ensure that my Mr Hyde becomes under total control of my Dr Jekyl. When I return this will be the case - Eddie's enthusiasm will be curbed, I promise, but still 'twinkling'. Meanwhile if I have offended anyone please accept my unreserved apologies - I had no intention of doing so, but upon reflection a couple of comments were a bit over the top. I am sorry for this.

There is another reason for my decision but I am not at liberty to discuss this.

I promised some ambulance stories and I can now get these ready for my return along with other stories which may be of interest. I shall be free to write these up now.

Also I am considering embarking on a writer's course which hopefully should develop my style(s) further.

I am very sad at 'bowing out' - I certainly give you all a Mr Darcy bow because I have got to know a lot of you well and I will miss you all dreadfully, sob sob.

I am privileged to have met some top 'notch writers' and photographers 'whose sandals I am not fit to untie' and really I am not worthy to comment on their wonderful work. I will not mention names - they know who they are.

I am honoured to have met all my contacts and I thank you all for your companionship, advice and help.

It is not goodbye but just 'until we meet again' - and I look forward to that immensely.

God bless you all ~ Ed

_________________________________________________________

Hello folks - just popped in to collect the mail.

I thank you for your very kind comments and I think you all deserve a plate of fish and chips 'on me' for your kindness - but sorry, someone has emptied half a bottle of ketchup on them. Hope you don't mind.

You may:

Eat them now!

Take them away as an award - Bluelights' Brilliant Buddy Bloggers - Fantastic Fishy Friends!

If you want to eat them now then there is an article about fish and chips which you'll just have time to see.

I will be popping in from time to time to see what's happening but I look forward to coming home to blog land soon.

I am not quite The Terminator I thought I was - in the words of Arnold Schwarzenegger . . . . . . "I WILL BE BACK!"

Eddie Bluelights' Piano Practice!

Listen to the boy play!!
And the gent with the two crooners!

Whilst I am getting some ambulance experiences together I thought you might like to see this.

As a boy my family lived next door to a professional cartoonist who sometimes complained he could not concentrate when my mother, father and I played our rather loud Bluthner upright piano. We played Mozart and Beethoven Sonatas, Chopin Walzes, Nocturnes and Preludes and mum and dad used to give real hum-dinger duet performances of Gilbert and Sullivan. We loved our music and I still play today, when there is no-one around!

When I was admitted into a local hospital with Scarlet Fever Mr Jewell presented me with four cartoons - my favourite is shown here.

I remember well a nurse at the hospital seeing them and insisting she kept one cartoon of a lot of curvy nurses drawn beautifully. I was weak enough to give it to her - wish I had kept it. These were in the days long before photo-copying.

At the time of the cartoon my father was cutting down a huge tree in our garden - hence the 'missile' flying over the fence, aimed at Mr Jewell, whose likeness is captured beautifully, as the chap playing the violin. The log must have hit me on the head because I have never been the same again - neither is my piano playing!

Do you like the school uniform and the cap?

Of course all these characters have passed on now, except Eddie Bluelights of course, but I sometimes pass the old house and memories come flooding back of the good times - and you know even though I have been married for nearly 40 years I still regard that place as 'home' where mum used to make wonderful Lancashire Hotpots - lovely!

Somehow life seemed much better then.

You know these were the wonderful days of manners - that little Eddie and his cap! We had to touch our caps whenever we saw a lady - if we didn't and got reported we were in for the high jump! If I did that today women would think I was bonkers - not that I wear a cap now!

Mr Darcy found 'Alive and Well'

Please note this gentleman insists I reinstate him to 'top spot', having objected violently to being called an Old Fart! He is livid with me over relegating him into obscurity during the Bloggers' Oscar Awards Ceremony, held here last night - I hope I didn't upset him too much! ___________________________________________________
Now just look who caught my eye as I was driving past in my ambulance! . . . .


Why! . . . . . it's my old mate, Mr Fitzwilliam Darcy of Pemberley, no less . . . . . . . . . . . and can you see the look of surprise and recognition on his face upon seeing his old chum, Eddie Bluelights, a modern day version of Mr Bingley of Netherfield Park?

"Hey Darcy - haven't seen you for ages - how's the missus?", I said, "Hang on a minute I'll pop over for a chat! - I'll park the ambulance round the corner!"

I can see all you Yankees sit up and start jumping up and down with excitement at this bit of little Olde England's heritage revealed before your very eyes - and mark my words, this chap Darcy is 'big' here - really big! He's aged a bit though, and some of you swooning ladies might say he's lost some of his handsome and virile Colin Firth looks - alas faded a little since his days of glory, captured so eloquently on our television screens with that memorable and lovable serialised BBC hit, "Pride and Prejudice" - now available on DVD.

And who's that lady beside him?

Why it's non other than Jane Austen herself, creator of Mr Darcy plus a multitude of other wonderful characters in her six famous books. I must say she appears to be giving him the cold shoulder, doesn't she? Not much life displayed in her! She might just as well be a cardboard cut out!!

I spotted them both in Bath, our beautiful Georgian city - a city bestowed with lashings and lashings of history. I pulled my ambulance over and deserted my 88 year old patient - blow him! - he'll have to wait whilst I have another chance to see my mate, Darcy.

Then I had second thoughts of compassion for my patient and having no other option to 'get rid of him' as quickly as possible I laid my hands on his head, saying, "Arise, my son - get up from your bed and walk! - you are healed!"

To my amazement he obeyed, stood up, kissed me passionately (ugggh!), jumped out of the ambulance door and sprinted down Milsom Street, the main street in Bath leading to the shopping precinct. He was sparsely clad in his pyjamas, waving a blanket and skipping and shouting words of joy, declaring to the world, "a Miracle, a Miracle! I'm healed, I'm healed!" with his arms and hands aloft in the air.

"Gosh! I had been wondering if I could do that for ages", I remarked to myself, all excited, as a little voice inside my head said, "What took you so long, my son - you asked me if you could do that 20 years ago - we were all wondering up here whether you were ever going to do it! But better late than never, we suppose!"

"Hang on a minute, God! I'll have to talk to you later! - got to get him back!" I said as I charged out of the ambulance in hot pursuit, followed by Mr Darcy, as we sprinted after the patient as fast as my ailing hip joint would let me. We could see a crowd forming who waved us on frantically since they thought we were the fun event tail-enders of the Bath Half Marathon, completed 2 days ago. As we passed they clapped, cheered, poured drinks on us and slapped us on the back in encouragement as they saw first a very fit old man in his pyjamas, shouting "Alleluia", Alleluia, a Miracle, a Miracle!", followed by a limping ambulance man with his bad hip, and in the rear an ageing, already puffing, red faced, sweaty Mr Darcy, wearing period costume.


Darcy and I just could not catch this man and my pleas of "Stop that man!" were greeted with hysterics and cheers from the on lookers who thought this was all part of the game for the fun race. The 'cured' patient got clean away - where he went we do not know - perhaps he is still running! So I reported the matter to control who told me to stay near the ambulance whilst they reported the loss of the patient.

Now a little digression and a word of warning to visitors from overseas.

If any of my American friends decide to visit little Olde England I would recommend a visit to Bath - but let me warn you! It is horrendously expensive, because the locals can 'see you coming' or think they can, and will charge you exorbitant fees for even the simplest things like an ice cream - quite immoral really because they think you are all loaded and don't mind paying! The same thing occurs in London for, in my experience, outside the Tate Gallery one year an Italian ice cream man called me over and said to my wife and I, "Edoardo Luciblù, if you want a cone each, have it now because those Yanks and Germans are coming out of the Gallery soon and I'm going to make a killing here". So, my Yankee friends, if you come here, haggle! with them, bust their asses if you wish, or get a Brit to buy your ice creams for you.
(Thanks Lola for the translation of Eddie Bluelights, it came just in time for the post - Lola is an Italian bird in blogland and she is lovely! - and gosh, what a fine cook she is, chaps! See her blog, Aglio, Olio e Peperconcino). 

Now after that little digression I will return to the theme of my post.
My son considers that Mr Darcy looks severely constipated, which probably accounts for his inability to run quickly earlier on!

After the chase Darcy ordered a cup of tea for us and while we were waiting I took another photograph. You can see the location is the Jane Austen Centre at 40 Gay Street, Bath, where all kinds of memorabilia are sold for the tourists and purists, plus site tours of some of Jane Austen's Bath residences. Jane Austen is perhaps the best known and best loved of Bath's many famous residents and visitors. She paid two long visits here towards the end of the eighteenth century, and from 1801 to 1806 Bath was her home. Her intimate knowledge of the city is reflected in two of her novels, Northanger Abbey and Persuasion, which are largely set in Bath. I have a website address for you of the Bath Jane Austen Centre which should be of interest.

Mr Darcy attracted my attention: "Come over, Eddie, my boy! Here's you tea. . . . . . and how are you?"

"Great, thanks Darce - I say do you mind if I put these photos on my blog for my American friends do you - they'd love them - just the sort of thing they'd love to put in their pockets? Could you get Jane to take one of us together? Oh I see, she's not speaking then!"

"No, Eddie, she's just like my wife, Elizabeth (nee Bennet) you know - dead moody and won't speak for absolutely ages even after even the smallest difference of opinion. You know Elizabeth Bennet is modelled on Jane Austen's personality - both tough old boots! You know, it could be the same person! I just cannot get a word from either of them, sometimes - won't speak for ages!! Lady Catherine de Bourgh was quite correct when she said Elizabeth was an "obstinate, headstrong girl" . . . adding, "I take no leave of you, Miss Bennett. I send no compliments to your mother. You deserve no such attention. I am seriously displeased." And, you know, Lizzy was so headstrong she sent Lady Catherine packing with a 'flee in her ear' in that memorable garden scene. That's what I have to put up with - and she's so energetic but so bolchi!! She has me diving into the lake every morning and running around the grounds with her and the dog! She wears me out! It's surprising really I ever had the energy to have any kids after all that."

Where's Elizabeth?" I asked

"Oh, she's at Pemberley doing the washing, ironing and cleaning and looking after the kids, you know - all the things a wife should do while a man goes to work. I had to start working because Mr Wickham took us to the cleaners a few years ago - nearly cleaned me out! It's all documented in some manuscripts we found recently - another two books - recent finds here in Bath - almost finished by Jane Austen - but shelved for some reason. These priceless manuscripts are in the hands of some professional people who are considering whether they can complete the stories for publication - the titles are, Mr Wickham Strikes Back! and Mr Wickham, the next Generation, and they are fabulous reads. They think it's a little analogous of Mozart having his 'Requiem Mass' finished by Salieri. (I know you music experts think this is nonsense and Salieri had nothing to do with it!)

Darcy continued, "It's no good me telling you the plot of Mr Wickham Strikes Back and Mr Wickham, the next Generation, because you probably don't even know the plot of Pride and Prejudice."

"Just try me!", I said - here is the plot in a nutshell for those who have no clue as to what on Earth I'm talking about.

Rich, super happy and friendly Mr Bingley buys Netherfield, quite near to Longbourn, where the Bennets live. (The BBC have Darcy and Bingley riding horses - lies! - this is not in the book!)

Much richer but moody Mr Darcy is staying with Mr Bingley and in the party are his younger sister, Miss Bingley, who has 'has the hots' for Darcy but Darcy 'doesn't care a fig about her'. In the party also is Mr Bingley's older married sister, Mrs Hurst and her husband Mr Hurst, who is permanently asleep!

Mrs Bennet plots to 'capture' Mr Darcy for one of her daughters - he is worth £10,000 per year! and Mr Bingley £5,000 per year, so he must be captured too.

Mr Bennet of Longbourn introduces himself to Mr Bingley.
Mr and Mrs Bennet and their five daughters attend the Assembly Rooms Ball where they meet Mr Bingley plus his family and Mr Darcy.

At the Dance Mr Bingley fancies eldest daughter, Jane, who fancies Bingley in return but Mr Darcy disapproves of their low class and in particular the bad manners of Mrs Bennet and the silly sisters, yet he fancies Elizabeth Bennet something rotten but cannot pluck up enough courage to ask her to dance. Silly boy!

Reverend Collins arrives - he is heir to the Bennet's home, Longbourn. He fancies Elizabeth immediately but she almost 'throws up' when she sees him and discovers he has designs on her.  Mrs Bennet wants the marriage but all Collins can do is talk about his idol, Lady Catherine de Bourgh.

Another dance ensues, the Netherfield Ball, hosted by Mr Bingley with Charlotte Lucas attending, Elizabeth's spinster friend. Bingley and Jane dance all night and fall in love. Collins makes a play for Elizabeth but she's not interested because she fancies Wickham, a dashing, handsome loveable rogue in uniform, who is not there because he is frightened of Mr Darcy because of his former discovered impropriaties.

Scantilly dressed Lydia reveals nearly all to Mr Collins on the stairs at Longbourn (again. . . not in the book ~ heresy!!)

Darcy plucks up courage to invite Elizabeth to accompany him as partner in an Elizabethan dance and to the music they have a dance full of sexual tension, with some intellectual sparring, with lashings upon lashings of pent up frustration . . . . . Later Collins later proposes to Elizabeth who promptly almost throws up again, rejecting him much to the annoyance of Mrs Bennet. But daddy is on Elizabeth's side, much to Mrs Bennet's annoyance and disappointment. So instead Collins makes his play for Charlotte Lucas and bingo, she accepts! "WHAT!", says everyone! "Uggggh! Obviously she requires the services of Spec Savers!"

Mrs Bennet and the silly sisters, including Lydia, annoy Darcy - Darcy annoys Mrs Bennet - Mr Bennet escapes into his study! AGAIN!

Later Elizabeth and girl cousin stay with Mr Collins and Charlotte.

They visit Rosings, the estate of Lady Catherine and her daughter, who never speaks or gets out of her chair - she resembles a zombie. Lady Catherine wants Darcy to marry her! She must be joking! Kiss her and she'd fall to pieces! Talk about good breeding - there'd be no breeding at all with her involved - she looks like a wet fish! - and I cannot see him rising to the occasion, ever.

Lady Catherine enquires of Elizabeth, "What are you talking about? I will have my share of this conversation!"

Later, Darcy puts the boot in regarding Bingley's and Jane's relationship, much to the pleasure of that evil and scheming Miss Bingley who wants Mr Darcy.

Elizabeth finds out and hits the roof!

Darcy tries to propose but stalls hopelessly at first attempt.

Darcy tries to propose again but fluffs it yet again, saying Elizabeth's social status is decidedly far below his own, and by the way I want to marry you!

She makes a huge speech of rejection, saying, "From the very beginning . . . . your manners, impressing me with the fullest belief of your arrogance, your conceit, and your selfish disdain of the feelings of others, were such as form that groundwork of disapprobation on which succeeding events have built so immovable a dislike; and I had not known you a month before I felt that you were the last man in the world whom I could ever be prevailed upon to marry."
That's it Lizzie, you tell him!

He remarks, "You don't like me then?"

He writes he a letter revealing what a cad is Mr Wickham and sticking to the fact that the Bennet family are 'the pits' and why he split up Jane and Bingley. What a mess he's in now!

Darcy meets Elizabeth walking outside while he is waiting for her on his horse - his tall hat nearly falls off when he hits it on a branch. He said, "Miss Bennett, would you do me the honour of reading this letter?"

She takes it, reads it, reads it again and fumes - then leaves in huff for home at Longbourn.

She later stays with her aunt and uncle, Mr and Mrs Gardiner, in Derbyshire, near Pemberley.

They visit Pemberley when they think Darcy is away on business. Pemberley is Darcy's magnificent mansion and Elizabeth falls in love with it. A servant says what a fine fellow Darcy is, making Elizabeth think twice and when she sees his portrait she starts to ogle him.

Mr Darcy arrives after a long ride, dismounts and takes off some clothes (BBC production only - not in the book!) and dives into the lake to cool off. (That is what the ladies find so attractive and sexy about him . . . . must be!)

Elizabeth and Darcy meet when he is half clad with his shirt hanging out of his trousers, walking his horse just after his swim. Elizabeth intelligently yells out, "Mr Darcy!" Of equal intelligence was his reply, "Miss Bennet". This proves neither needs the services of SpecSavers.

Darcy does a remarkable quick change act and his personality seems much transformed, much to Elizabeth's surprise and liking. He attended a male finishing school where he learned the workings of the female mind. This occurred shortly after he vowed to improve himself, saying, "I will conquer this!" just after his rejection.

Mr Darcy invites Mr and Mrs Gardiner and Elizabeth to stay for a walk and added that Mr Gardiner could fish in his stream and lake whenever he wishes - Elizabeth is astonished at the change.

Darcy introduces Elizabeth to his sister, Georgiana - they get on like a house on fire.

Elizabeth is invited to Pemberley and Miss Bingley is not very nice to her but Darcy slaps her down.
Elizabeth sings and plays Mozart's 'Voi Che Sapete', Miss Bingley carps, and Georgiana plays Beethoven's Andante Favori, stumbles and Elizabeth assists during which her eyes meet Darcy's from across the room - with tell tale signs that their 'furnaces' have just been lit!

Wickham spoils everything by eloping with Lydia.

Elizabeth thinks Darcy will have nothing more to do with her because of family dishonour!

Darcy goes after Wickham and Lydia.

Lydia looks out of a window in London and shouts out, "Mr Darcy!" showing both her intelligence and proving she does not require the services of SpecSavers either.

Darcy and finds Wickham and Lydia and forces them into 'shotgun' wedding.

Wickham and Lydia return to Longbourn as man and wife and Lydia 'pulls rank' on the older sisters as the first married lady - hence she is first in the pecking line at dinner. Other sisters fall into rank.

Darcy and Bingley call at Longbourn to court Jane and Elizabeth and both couples get engaged.

Mrs Bennet and Darcy just about tolerate each other.

Lady Catherine visits Elzabeth in the garden in a frenzied attempt to stop the marriage, saying Elizabeth is a low down skunk and not posh enough for Darcy.

Elizabeth sends her packing, as per garden scene described earlier.

The four get married at long last . . . . . with smiles all round.

Lady Catherine and daughter sit at home sulking.

Mrs Bennet says, "Hasn't God been good to us?"

Mr Bennet says, "Yes I think he has!"

The all live happily ever after - or do they?
There - done!

"Remarkable", said Darcy, "want a job? I will tell you about the other books another time."

We went inside and talked to the girls behind the reception desk. I asked one of the girls which scene she liked best from the BBC DVD. She replied the bit when Mr Darcy arrived home after his journey, took off his clothes and dived into the lake, then walked with his horse across the field towards the mansion and saw a startled Miss Bennet who said, "MR DARCY! and then Mr Darcy said, "MISS BENNET". I laughed and said I thought she'd say that so I tested her further. I said to the girl, "Would you find this Mr Darcy here attractive if he rode his horse around Bath, charged into the Roman Baths, took his outer clothes off and dived into the baths, got out and led his horse home and met you, saying, Miss Bennet? after you had said, "Mr Darcy"?
"No", she said, "I'd think he would look like a raving lunatic and should be locked up!"

Oh well it must be all about Colin Firth's chemistry then I suppose and not about diving or swimming- how disappointing for you, Darce.

Darcy said, "You've given me an idea! Instead of keeping lions and tigers at Pemberley, throwing the house open, as Lord Bath does at Longleat, Nr Bath, in order to pay exorbitant rates to the government, we could have a sort of marriage counselling service for bored husbands and wives. We could dress all the men like Mr Darcy and make the men all behave like Mr Darcy used to - rude and aloof. Then have a finishing school where they would attend - where they can learn fencing, deportment, how to treat ladies etc. We could supply all the period costumes and the horses and the women could all dress like Elizabeth Bennet.

Then the men would come racing in on horses, strip off and dive in the lake, watched by all the Elizabeths who would say to their men, "Mr Darcy!" They would reply, "Miss Bennet" Then quick to the bedroom!

It would be a huge money spinner and make me a fortune -Thanks Eddie!

Just then an elderly man in pyjamas came running into the shop. "Has anyone seen the ambulance driver? Oh there you are - bless you - I am healed! thank you! thank you! Get me to the hopital to collect my clothes - they want me in the London Marathon next week"

Now ladies, would you like to see the Lake Scene again? Oh go on then!

Want to see the eye contact scene again!
Oh go on then here it is - get the tissues out.

Sorry, the video has been removed from the web.

Well that's enough of the fiction. Hope you enjoyed the post.
Perhaps it is time to start writing some factual themes.

Would you like to see some of my ambulance experiences posted?

Copyright photographs and text ~ Eddie Bluelights May 2009

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