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Monday 22 March 2010

Discharged From Hospital and Convalescing

"How Do I Get Me Pants and Trousers On, Love?"

Little did I know I was soon to answer my own question by cleverly adapting The Hokey Cokey dance.

I was back home and I found this task to be the most difficult operation since my hip replacement because I was not able to bend down far enough to reach my left foot without a major risk of hip dislocation. Two other things I could not do either - wash my feet and wash my hair and so Mrs Bluelights helped me out with these.

Hair washing was akin my wife aiming a powerful jet of water from the shower straight into my ears. which I always hate! I cannot wait to be able to do it myself the old way, under the shower.

Then I pioneered putting on pants and trousers and was inspired by the Hokey Cokey dance for some reason.

"You put your left leg in, your right leg in, in out in out and shake it all about!"
I used the curved end of the walking stick to hook the trousers and at floor level, aimed my improving left foot into a trouser hole and, just like catching a fish, bingo, "Got ya!" I knew I had a 50% chance of getting the correct leg into the correct trouser, thus ensuring I was facing the right way round enabling me to walking forwards not backwards eventually. I proceeded to hoist my 'quarry' up my leg, wriggling my foot as the dance says, "Shaking all about!", to assist movement upwards. Then the same for the right leg and with luck I had my trousers on the correct way round. Several dummy runs caused me to place two legs down one trouser, on one occasion a foot appeared out of the zip fly and I did get them on the wrong way round sometimes - but I soon perfected the technique with a 95% success rate. I shall spare your blushes about how I managed to get my underpants on but needless to say I pioneered and equally ingenious and danger free technique and I am pleased to be here, alive and able to tell the tale.

Before all this and back at the hospital, it was day three and I saw Ed the physio who showed me a set of 10 exercises designed to strengthen my legs and buttock muscles. (Don't laugh! - I'll allow you a respectful grin. I will not show you a photo because I might make a complete arse of myself LOL.) I managed to do all the exercises quite easily and was able to do the maximum 20 repeats straight away. Ed said I would in all probability be discharged that afternoon. I remarked to him and his next patient on the ward, an elderly gent who had been hospitalised for over a week, that Ed would make ballet dancers out of us yet!

During my stay I found out I could email from a local device and I was able to send and receive emails from a few of my blogging friends. This lifted me a bit further. All this time I did feel as though I had been in a fight with Mike Tyson but I was relatively pain free which was wonderful. Visitors were amazed at how well I looked but in reality I was much weaker than normal and well below par.

I was indeed discharged that day after saying my goodbyes and in a way I was quite sad to leave. They had looked after me very well and I totally respected them all, as indeed I always do to all the nursing and hospital staff I meet everywhere. I was wheeled to the departure lounge and there I saw two Ambulance Men I knew who worked for another Ambulance Service. They were amused and surprised to see me as a patient for a change. A friend of the family, an ex-nurse, who worked at the hospital had visited me earlier and she said she would take me home, so there was no need for Mrs Bluelights to drive all the way to the hospital.

After a few days at home I was aware that my left leg was swelling unnaturally and when the district nurse visited she was a little alarmed to see I had developed an infection at the base of the wound. I felt lousy and a course of antibiotics was prescribed. Fortunately, these did a wonderful job and after a few days we knew they were effective.

Well I think I have run out of space and shall conclude the story next week and by popular request I will including a You Tube of the enire operation for those who like blood and gore. I am having difficulty finding it right now. I would quite understand anyone who declined my kind offer but for those masochists who revel in imagining it is Eddie as the patient, please be my guest next week LOL.

Also next time, I shall cover some of your encouraging words including a kind observation that my surgeon had recoupled my leg the right way round and not facing backwards, about me soon being able to pole vault, triple jump and ice skate with triple loops - plus my attempts to walk to the local shops, please tune in then.


  1. Seems a long time ago now since your op (to me anyway)
    Not sure I want to watch it. A bit squeamish.
    Maggie X

    Nuts in May

  2. Not sure I want to watch the actual operation, Eddie. Suffice to say, I take your word for it. Glad to see you up on your feet.

  3. Happy to know that you are home and being so creative with your dressing ritual!!!

  4. So glad you are doing so well, I will pass on the video as it is not my cup of tea. Stay well Eddie and my regards to Maria....:-)Hugs

  5. you have had quite the trip...umm...yeah hold the

  6. glad to hear you are working ont he wizard again!

  7. the wizardry is back in the building yeah!!!and he can get his pants on!!!
    keep up the good work

    luv saz x

  8. I don't know why you are struggling so to put on trousers. Why not just wear a dress or a kilt? Or a snuggie! lol

  9. What a great idea Eva! It would be far easier but people might misunderstand me!! LOL

  10. Pants—who needs them? I hope your recovery goes well.

  11. Sounds like you're an A+ patient! Take it easy and you'll be tap dancing in no time! Hey, cher, would you mind sharing those 10 exercises that strengthen legs and buttocks and maybe a few photos, too? :)

  12. Hi, Eddie!

    You are quite ingenious!!! Very, very funny!! Oh, the things we resort to doing after surgeries!! Loved this...but I think I will skip viewing your surgery...while I don't mind seeing my own, I don't think I can quite stomach watching the slicing and dicing of a dear friend! Roasts are bad enough...Ha! LOL...I don't want to see you carved up! Have a wonderful week, dear sir! Hugs, Janine

  13. Namaste Eddie Sir,

    I'm extremely happy to know that you are regularly walking 2 miles at a stretch now.Keep it up.
    I have seen live THR surgery on table of my mother in law about a year back but still would like to see your video too.
    With warm regards,

  14. Eddie, I'm so glad to hear about your good recovery thus far (excluding the bit of infection) and the continuing good humor you display, through it all, exemplifies the type of good man you are.

    You, sir, are what some folks call a mensch.

    (If you're not familiar with the phrase, rest assured it's a compliment!)

  15. Sorry to hear about the infection but glad to know you're on the mend. With that sense of humour, you should have a speedy healing process. :)

  16. Eddie....I always leave your post with a smile. What an ordeal you have been through...and I am so glad that you are healing from the infection that you got after the surgery. You are a 'trooper'...and I won't mind seeing the video at all. I think it will be interesting. Continue to take care of yourself...and know that I'm thinking of you.
    Smiles from Jackie

  17. Sounds like you are well on your way. Though I will pass on the operation video!! LOL!! And don't push yourself too hard...your body does need to recoup itself!!

  18. Eddie! I'm so sorry I didn't know you went through all this. Glad you are giving them a run for their money and are nearly back to your old/new self!

  19. Been a bit under the weather, but had to find out "the rest of the story." Love the visuals imspired by your decription of putting on your pants! Funny, here in the states, we call it the Hokey Pokey!

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