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Tuesday, 10 August 2010

Church Notice Board Bloomers


The following have all appeared in church magazines so let us thank God for church ladies with typewriters.
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Next weekend's Fasting & Prayer Conference in Whitby includes all meals.
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Sunday morning sermon: 'Jesus Walks on the Water'
Sunday evening sermon: 'Searching for Jesus.'
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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Pot luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
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The school drama group will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church hall on Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours!'
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The mind boggles!

12 comments:

  1. I have seen these before but laughed as much this time as the first. Hilarious!!

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  2. smiles. you got to love them...their intentions are good...

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  3. How funny. Almost as funny as the thought of me dancing at the roller disco!

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  4. lol - I'm always prepared to sin.

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  5. Hubby had so much fun with this post that he called me into his office to read them to me and we laughed with each one.

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  6. The mind boggles indeed. I'm not sure I'd want to see the ladies of the church who cast off their clothes...

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  7. Brilliant. On a serious note I remember the one that said
    if you point a finger at someone you point three at yourself. This has stayed with me for over fifty years.

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  8. That was funny...... especially placing the deceased in the envelope.
    I think I have seen this list before!
    Maggie X

    Nuts in May

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  9. This is one of the reasons I love coming here! This is hilarious, Eddie!
    Rummage sale to get rid of things not worth keeping? And then bring the husband! hahahaha....

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  10. What a hoot, cher! Sooo funny! lol You are posting at such a clip that I can barely keep up with you! So glad you're feeling better!

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  11. Oh my goodness, I cannot stop laughing.......

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