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Saturday 23 August 2014


Happy Weekend Folks

I'll have some more Alternative Meanings for you next week, but I thought we would have a change this week and look at some:

Hilarious Epitaphs

(Yes, I remember that well in 2002 - what a character Spike was)

An anonymous punster commemorated Dr John Potter, Archbishop of Canterbury:

Alack and well a-day
Potter himself is turned to clay.

Lord Byron savaged prime minister William Pitt the Younger, who is buried in Westminster Abbey:

With death doomed to grapple
Beneath this cold slab, he
Who lied in the chapel
Now lies in the Abbey.

The 'Welsh Wizard', David Lloyd George, suggested as epitaph for himself that might have been adopted by many other politicians:

Count not my broken pledges as a crime. 
I MEANT them, HOW I meant them at the time.

Wisecracking American writer Dorothy Parker proposed this simple tombstone inscription for herself:

Excuse my dust.

Dorothy Parker, suggested that this should be carved on an actress's tombstone:

Her name, cut clear upon this marble cross,
Shines, as it shone when she was still on earth,
While tenderly the mild, agreeable moss,
Obscures the figures of her date of birth.

Hilaire Belloc wrote of himself with the cheerful vanity of an author:

When I am dead, I hope it may be said
'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.'

John Gay, author of The Beggar's Opera, composed his own epitaph:

Life is a jest, and all things show it.
I thought so once; but now I know it.

The journalist, George Augustus Sala dealt a cruel posthumous blow to a colleague, John Camden Hotten:


William Blake, eccentric poet and painter, detested everything his highly successful fellow artist, Sir Joshua Reynolds, stood for, hence the verse:

When Sir Joshua Reynolds died
All Nature was degraded;
The King dropped a tear in the Queen's ear,
And all the pictures faded.

. . . . and now a few more embarrassing gaffs from those who should have know better:

Mr Milosevic has to be careful.
The calendar is tickingRichard Haas

A zebra doesn't change its spots - Al Gore

The crowd gave the players an arousing reception - Packie Bonner

I have a thermometer in my mouth and I'm listening to it all the time - Willie Whitelaw

I'm absolutely thrilled and over the world about it - Tessa Sanderson

We'll be heading for the deepening heights of recession - Economics spokesman

I would like to than the press from the heart of my bottom - Nick Faldo 

More next week

parting shot:

What message would you like on your tombstone?

Pat says: "I'll be coming to haunt you soon!" . . . . . . lol

. . . and Shadow says: "I'm never going to die!"


  1. One of the reasons I'd prefer cremation is I don't want someone writing something ridiculous on my tombstone!

  2. ha. i totally want to market talking tombstones...
    messages from the deceased when you need them

    imagine the snark you could leave behind...smiles.

    1. Talking gravestones - what a fabulous idea!
      It would be a riot - we would all be telling each other jokes . . . . and they would soon start saying, "I've heard that one before!" . . . . . yes, maybe I could leave a few snarks here and there . . . lol
      Thanks Brian . . . . :)

  3. The first one is great. I told you so is a pretty funny legacy to leave. I also like the scarlet/read author one!

    1. Yes . . . . funny . . . . but of course in reality very few of us would want to leave messages like that. Which makes it all the stranger that some do . .
      Thanks Theresa . . . :)

  4. I did like Spike Milligan! I remember him being interviewed about his 'insanity'..he said that he has a certificate to say he is sane...not many other people do!
    Jane x

    1. Thanks Jane - welcome to my usual weekend of madness . . . . lol
      Yes, Spike was great. I think that is a riot about him saying he had a certificate to say he was sane - I doubt if anyone else has. Did you hear that when one of the goons someone held a skull up high saying, "This skull is 250,000 years old!" so he started singing, "Happy birthday to you!"
      Eddie x

    2. My Dad was a huge Goons fan. I grew up listening to their shows.
      Jane x

    3. I remember him saying once on the wireless, "Hello, I'm Mike Spilligan, the well known typing error".

    4. Just the sort of thing he would say.
      I think he would have got on very well with Groucho Marx . . . . . imagine those two together!!

  5. lol can have some fun with death
    Long after one has taken their last breath
    Sounds good to me
    "I'll be haunting you soon" could be left by me

    1. Oh Pat I hope you will agree
      Never to haunt little olde me
      It's a long way for a ghost to come
      So you stay there, ok, my chum!! . . . . lol

  6. I do like Spike Milligan's! So typical of him. I also like excuse my dust!!!

    1. Thanks Amy
      Yes, Spike was Spike - highly original and never to be repeated . . . .
      Dorothy Parker was very witty too. . . . . :)

  7. Hi Eddie - those quotes and epitaphs meant or not .. are great aren't they ... I'll probably think of the right words after I've gone - not sure if I'll be able to push the daisies up and scratch on the stone ... suspect I'll be in Cornwall with the fuschias looking out of Mounts Bay ... dust to dust, ashes to ashes ... and you?! Cheers Hilary

    1. Hi Hilary! . . . . love it when you say you would think of the right words for your's when you have gone . . . lol

      I think I would say, "He could have done better on Earth - but is doing great in Heaven!!" . . . or something like that . . . .
      Cheers ~ Eddie . . . :)

  8. I figure I won't die until I think up something pithy for my tombstone. I'm not working at it very hard.

    1. Agree Stephen - I think I'll let someone else do it though . . . :)

  9. The Mister says when I die he's burying me out under the pine trees in our back yard where our dead pets are buried. haha. I doubt I'll even have a headstone!

    1. Awww but if you had one - how about "See you at the Amethyst Gate. and don't be late! . . . :)

    2. "I buried my first wife in the compost heap, you should have seen the size of the tomatoes that year!" - Bob Newman.

  10. I like Winston Churchill's: "I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter."
    "Bitchy as always"? I beg to differ. Dorothy Parker was full of humour, insight and razor sharp wit. Brilliant woman.

    1. Haven't herd the Churchill one before - I'll use that next week.
      Yes, I Know Dorothy Parker had those very fine qualities - she was a remarkable woman . . . . :)

  11. Those were really great ! My epitaph? "She was a writer and a poet; read her books and you will know it."

    1. Thanks Eva - like the one you have in mind . . . ~ Eddie :)

  12. My old Gran used to say "When I die, Please do not cry, For I will leave you riches, A knife, a fork, a cabbage stalk, And a pair of mouldy breeches". I never did get the briches !

    Think I told you this before, can't remember; getting old don'tcha know.

    1. lol . . . . no you didn't tell me before . . :)

  13. You have a talent here, picking these guys, my stomach hurts from laughing.......

    Mine? I'm never goona die, so, n/a, heee heee heeee

    1. LOL . . . . ooH.
      Like yours . . . imagine that on a headstone . . . . .

  14. I think I'll have "What the hell happened?" on my grave.

    1. . . . . that would cause a few smiles I am sure . . . . :)

  15. ah Eddie Im not agree in what you say about Dorothy Parker! You can't say that of a woman only I say....

    1. Hi Gloria, I just copied what was in the book and perhaps should have omitted it. You are right and I have now taken out the offensive part. You are an extremely kind person, Gloria ~ Eddie . . . :)


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