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Tuesday 26 August 2014


Welcome to another story by Eddie, the eccentric ex-ambulance man.

"OMG", I said, "where are the keys?  I can't get into my ambulance, and this guy needs oxygen!"

Earlier, I had collected six renal patients and taken them to a General Hospital, near the sea for Renal Dialysis.  The idea was to wait four hours and then pick them up again, take the local ones home first and then those further afield.  

This vehicle we affectionately nicknamed "The Sunshine Bus" and I remember seeing the milometer clock through 100,000 miles on that inward journey. 

The delightful backdrop was my last port of call, a nursing home, where I collected "Tom" on our way to the Renal Unit. We did this three times a week.  Tom was a little backward and I gave him a job to do on the way in, to lookout for speed cameras, which he always remembered, and warned me about.  Dear Tom, I think I heard recently he has a new kidney transplant now, which is marvellous.

When I had finished delivering Tom, the last patient I received a call from 'control' to ask if I would go to the general departure lounge and take a gentleman in a wheelchair home. 

When I arrived I found the gentleman and noticed he was on oxygen which was no problem for me since I had all the equipment on board.  He said he could manage for a few minutes without oxygen while I pushed him in his wheelchair and fixed him up with oxygen in the ambulance. 

While I was doing something else a nurse transferred him from a chair to the wheelchair and I said goodbye and proceeded quickly to the ambulance.  

When I arrived I looked through my pockets for the keys, only to discover they were not there . . . . I searched again and to my horror they still were not there.  I said to the old boy I must have left my keys in the departure lounge and headed back and we quickly got him hooked up with oxygen again.  

I explained about the keys and looked everywhere retracing my steps and became concerned that I would not be able to get the six renal patients home.  I tried lost property, the reception desk - everywhere. 

I reported the matter to control, 25 miles away, who said they had found a spare key and the only person who could bring it down was the managing director - oh dear.

It was then a magical picture appeared in my head.  The patient must be sitting on the keys in the wheelchair - it was the only pace they could be.  I got back to the departure lounge and got the patient to stand up . . . . . .  and there they were staring at me on the seat!!  What a relief.

So I was able to stop the MD coming dawn, get the elderly man home with oxygen, and then all the patients home safely.

The nurses were quite amused in the renal unit when I told them.

I must have subconsciously put the keys down whilst attending to something else and meanwhile the nurse sat the patient down onto the keys . . . . . 

That is something I made sure never happened again.


  1. I'm surprised Tom didn't feel those keys poking his little bottom. haha.

    1. Actually, that is a good point . . . . . he must have had a numb bum . . . lol

    2. Yes . . . Keith, she is very er . . . 'ass'tute . . . and lovely! . . :)

    3. Hi Eddie...
      Great comeback!
      I am sure Betsy is very you are! But she is lovely...indeed!
      So glad it all worked out in the "end"......
      Enjoy your evening...
      Linda :o)

    4. lol now who started the bottom talk?

    5. Hi Linda - and thanks . . . in the 'end' indeed we got to the bottom of it and I am so pleased I did not male a complete ass of myself !!!
      Cheers ~ Eddie :)

    6. Hi Pat . . . . . . yes I get it! A certain lady not too far away I'll give you a clue, her name starts with a B and she lives in Ohio.

    7. Buttercup.....I love that....maybe more than Pink Cloud! :) It suits me, don't you think? ha.

    8. Hello buttercup !! . . .You are stuck with that name now you know!! ha

    9. Not sure for sure
      But sh'e be here for more
      And then she'll open the door
      And say words galore
      I think darling Lizzie
      Has been very busy . . . !!!

    10. Who knew some guy sitting on keys
      would cause you two to give me the tease
      But I'll take sweet names like Buttercup
      as the cream rises to the top.
      Yes, I've been very busy and feeling a little quiet
      otherwise I wouldn't have been so silent!

    11. Yes, you were kind of quiet
      And not your normal riot
      With lots of words flowing
      Making our ears glowing
      We like a battle rap
      Flowing quickly like a tap . . . lol

  2. The things you got up to, it beggars belief. I bet the old chap thought the end had come. "Oxygen, oxygen everywhere,
    Nor any squirt to breath.” apologies to Samuel Taylor Coleridge, The Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner.

    ― Samuel Taylor Coleridge, The Rime of the Ancient Mariner

    1. Oh we got up to all kinds of things in the ambulance service and had a few shocks and jolts but this little chap wasn't really in any danger because I got him back to oxygen very quickly. . . . . I must read the ancient mariner someday.

      Cheers Keith . . . :)

  3. Oh Eddie, that must have given you quite a fright indeed!!!

    1. Perhaps for a while, Amy, but whatever made me visualize the chap sitting on the keys I shall never fathom . . . . unless, could it be? . . . well maybe a message from above perhaps - might find out one day. . . . . :)

  4. I'm always losing my keys - but not usually with such potentially scary consequences.

    1. Yes I did pick the wrong time to lose my keys didn't I - and I just cannot remember putting them on the wheelchair seat.
      Shame you were not around, Jenny, to photograph my relieved face when the keys were found . . . cheers Jenny ~ Eddie . . . :)

  5. Sounds like something I would do! lol

    1. Thanks Eva
      Sounds like something everyone would do - I'll tell the story about my wallet one day . . . lol
      Cheers ~ Eddie :)

  6. oh my..i bet that was a bit of a goose...ha
    you know if i sat on keys i woulda known...

    1. Thanks Brian
      Yes but this guy must have had a numb bum I think . . . . . lol . . . :)

  7. Alll's well that ends well. Interesting he didn't feel those keys under him.

    1. Hi Stephen
      Yes . . . several have said that . . . . . maybe he didn't 'feel' like telling me . . . :)
      Cheers ~ Eddie . . . . :)

  8. Keys lost can suck
    But an arse was in luck
    Keeping them warm for you
    Maybe a bit smelly too
    Could have been a fart bubble that floated your way
    And then you said, hey!
    The keys are there
    Or maybe something more rare lol

    1. I was a very great relief to me
      To find that lost ambulance key
      All the time beneath that guy
      Who never felt it, I don't know why.
      And so to the vehicle we flew
      To hook him up quick to his O2
      So he could then start to breathe
      And for his home we set to leave. . . . lol

    2. Betsy is too busy I guess
      Maybe cleaning up a hairball mess

    3. Yeh! . . . .I guess your right . .
      But soon she'll come out to fight
      You see she can't resist it
      To have her say - not to have missed it . . . . . lol

    4. Just get her going
      And there will be a fine showing

    5. I'll tell her we're teasing her
      And that will start pleasing her . . . .

    6. I commented above
      and the 'leave' button was about to shove
      when this line caught my attention
      as you give me another mention!
      You two silly men.
      Are you lonesome for me again?
      Trying to get a reaction
      to your funny conversation.
      Wouldn't want to disappoint
      so don't get your noses out of joint.
      Bring it on! is what I say,
      I'll rhyme with you two any day!

    7. lol

      Well Pat that's really told us.
      A gauntlet to behold us
      Guess we'd best surrender
      Or else we might offend her
      She called us silly men !!!
      We'd best count to ten
      Did you take in all that lip
      From her twirly whirly hip.
      "Bring it on!" she said
      And our noses bled and red.
      It's just a load of prattle
      She just wants a friendly battle . . . . . . lol

  9. Hilarious! Kind of like when you spend a half an hour looking for your glasses and they're on your head!

    1. Thank you Stephanie . . .:)
      Yes, like Mrs Richards in Fawlty Towers . . . lol
      Yes, another case from the eccentric ex- ambulanceman.
      . . . nice to meet you and see you here . . . hope you found the coffee,
      Will visit you blog shortly . . . . Eddie :)

  10. like one of those nightmares where you show up for exams naked!

    ALOHA from Honolulu
    =^..^= . <3 . >< } } (°>

    1. Thanks Cloudia . . . . well I can honestly say, that's something I have never done in exams . . . lol
      Cheers ~ Eddie . . . :)

  11. Hi Eddie - oh gosh .. I'd have thought he'd have felt them too - but if you're old and uncomfortable anyway ... I guess he just assumed it was part of life with you?! Losing keys is a nightmare ... I lost mine in hospital visiting my mother with an elderly cousin, who had to go along the coast to tie up with another elderly (80s) ... thankfully they got handed in at reception ... I obviously hadn't heard them drop as I was ferrying Jenny along long corridors and helping with her bags and my mother's odds and ends that I needed to get home.

    I hate losing keys or locking myself out ... not a fun thing to do - as it's usually mighty inconvenient ... cheers Hilary

    1. Thanks Hilary - it may be that the keys were to one side of him . . . .can't remember now . . . :)
      Cheers ~ Eddie :)

  12. I'm sooo glad you found the keys. In the last place we look, compliments of our dear friend Murphy!

    1. Yes. . . .Murphy strikes again, 'anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.' Sounds a bit like getting up some days . . . lol
      Cheers : Eddie . . . :)

  13. Yes. . . .Murphy strikes again, 'anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.' Sounds a bit like getting up some days . . . lol
    Cheers : Eddie . . . :)

    1. Must be seeing double . . . lol
      or been at the wine again . . . . . lol

    2. Talking to yourself?
      We might put you on a shelf!

    3. I'll have to hand you that
      I haven't got a single cat
      And not a thing to talk to
      Or cross a room to walk to.
      And now that's got you sighing
      and all of BlogLand crying . . . . .
      There is not a shelf
      Strong enough for myself . . . lol

  14. Whew! You had me hanging on every word, Eddie! I can't believe that about the keys, and thank the good Lord that you found them!

    I loved hearing your news about your grandbabe. Congrats to you, Grandpa! Such wonderful, wonderful news.

    I am typing rapidly because Mr. Magpie is about to snatch this laptop from my hands as he needs it for work. So I will make this quick.

    Sending love across the pond!


    Sheila :-)

    1. Hi Sheila, as I said on your blog I am so pleased to see you back in BlogLand.
      Thanks for the comment and your love from across the pond, me to you also . . . xo ~ Eddie :)

  15. Hahaha - that's excellent Eddie! It's good thing you thought to look there. Very funny as it ended happily.

    1. Thanks Mary . . . . It's a wonder I did not need oxygen !!! . . . . lol :)

  16. Hi Eddie, good to hear that there was a happy ending for the driver of The Sunshine Bus! Bet that bus could tell some tales :-)

    1. Oh! look the two Marys together !!!
      Thank you Mary . . . Yes I expect the ambulance bus could tell some stories - some I will tell a little later . . . . :-)


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